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Why Bob Finnigan Gets The Big Bucks

See today's Times:

The Mariners could wind up the weekend with contract agreements from pitcher Matt Morris and outfielder Carl Everett -- or without either.

And I could wind up the weekend with an IRS audit and a stubborn case of viral encephalitis. Between myself and the Mariners, you'd be hard-pressed to figure out who's got it worse.

In light of the recent troubling Everett news, I thought I'd do my part to calm everyone down by composing a list of people who, by the grace of God, won't be a part of the Seattle organization in 2006:

Kevin Jarvis
Cristian Guzman
Andy Larkin
Joe Don Baker
Tawny Kitaen
Tim McGraw
Shawn Haggerty-Martin
Dr. Polaris
Chris Berman
Michael Ian Black
The "Heart" guy from Captain Planet
Rodrigo Borgia