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Headlines from Around the League

Since Beckett and Johjima weren't the only stories of the day...

Romanian Scientists Discover Cure For Clubhouse Cancer

Sean Burroughs Corks Bat, Still Sucks

Dan O'Dowd Reveals New Strategy To Enter 2006 Season With 25 Position Players

New Study Finds Baseball To Be 73% Less Boring Than Soccer

Kansas City Develops Experimental Denny Hocking Vaccine

Lance Berkman Traded To Yankees For Hobo, Astros Pick Up Contract

Joe Morgan Not Really Stupid, Actually Dead

Baltimore Fan Spotted In Camden Yards During Red Sox/Orioles Series

Ozzie Guillen Autobiography Deemed Indecipherable

Not Even Own Mother Can Love Ezequiel Astacio's Face

Bartolo Colon's Ability To Identify Hitters' Weaknesses Exceeded Only By Ability To Identify Funyuns

Jim Bowden Protests Josh Beckett Trade On Basis That No Outfielders Are Involved

Tropicana Dome Thwarts Season Ticket Holder's Prayer For Rain

Posting will be relatively light through the next weekend, as I'll be out of town for the holiday. Fortunately, the diaries are more than capable of shouldering the load in the meantime.