Wine and women is all I crave. A big-legged woman is going to carry me to my grave.

Oh, and I crave beer, too. And I'm really not all that big on wine, when you get right down to it. But I do indeed crave women. So I guess I should have said, "Beer and women is all I crave." But that would be inaccurate too, because I also crave salty snacks sometimes, and pizza.

I have also become an expert in the placement of commas within sentences, and I know what the pluperfect tense is for. I know how to diagram sentences ... God, what has become of my life? When did things change? How did I become the man that I am? Who is this woman I am married to? She looks familiar, and I know her name ... but who is she, really? We used to be so close, and we shared so many good times together, when we were both young. It's almost like she has become translucent, a fellow human being, but one whom I can only envision in vague outlines. There were times when we would talk about these kinds of things - the things that tortured our souls - but no more. Now, I am alone, set adrift by myself into a world of meaningless, devouring despair.

Also, for some reason, people always avoid me at parties.