I am posting this during the Super Bowl as a form of social protest, because this is one of the least compelling major showdowns I think I've ever seen. Here's to Eli getting hurt and the Giants somehow winning under the gallant direction of the Pillsbury Throwboy. uhhhhhhhhhh nevermind

April 2nd: Richie Sexson brings the term "Funk Blast" into popular lexicon.

Box score & PBP

Game thread

Game thread, part 2

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If you'd have told me that morning that Felix would go on to pitch as well as anyone all season long, but that my enduring memory of the game would be of something completely unrelated, I wouldn't have believed you. Why would I? I couldn't have imagined anything upstaging a brilliant Opening Day performance by our precious young phenom.

But then, in my defense, I don't have a good enough imagination to dream up anything even close to the level of the Funk Blast.

It was a close contest in the bottom of the sixth; a sac fly by Raul Ibanez had just given the Mariners the first run of the game. And after watching Felix wiggle his way out of a bit of a jam in the top half, that run felt like all we were going to need. The A's weren't about to mount a rally, not against an arm this good.

But even so, there's never anything wrong with a little insurance. And in a pinch, a huge load of insurance came flying off the bat of one Richie Sexson. With two on and two out, Richie took a 1-1 breaking ball deep to straightaway center, turning a 1-0 nailbiter into a 4-0 cakewalk. I jumped up out of my chair, hollered like a crazy idiot, and

Wait, what?

At first, no one really paid much heed. There were few mentions in the game thread, as I think most people were too ecstatic to care much about the curious eccentricities of the Safeco scoreboard. But afterwards, there was substantial discussion, culminating in some of the best Photoshop work in LL history. Funk Blast became a hit before anyone had so much as a clue where it came from. I guess the randomness of associating Parliament and the words "Funk Blast" with Mariner home runs appealed to the part of our collective brain that appreciates ridiculous juxtaposition.

We got an explanation a few days later, but where you'd think that might take some shine off the apple - some things are better left perplexing - I don't think it really cheapened anything for us. Funk Blast was already established as a rallying cry of sorts for 2007, and nothing was going to take that away from the community.

Over time, with the Parliament/Funk Blast thing happening after every Mariner home run, it inevitably lost some of its charm. But where the Rally Fries got old and irksome in a hurry, Funk Blast survived the season in pretty good shape, all things considered. Honestly, I wouldn't be opposed to seeing it return in 2008, at least in some capacity. It gives Safeco something to call its own. You can hear Zombie Nation or the Vengaboys anywhere. Only in Seattle, though, are you going to hear P-Funk blaring over the PA system while the fans applaud a longball. I know some people find it annoying, but I've heard more complaints about the trains, and besides, I think the more things you have that make your stadium unique, the better (except for retarded porches in left field or a more retarded flag pole on a retardeder hill in center). Yankee Stadium has New York, New York. Fenway has Sweet Caroline. And Safeco should have Give Up The Funk. It may not be perfect, but considering how much the same people seemed to love Who Let The Dogs Out, we should probably stick with what works and try not to push our luck. Because we could do a whole hell of a lot worse.