The Easiest Job In The World

by Jeff Sullivan on Oct 20, 2007 3:34 PM PDT in Seattle Mariners News, Regular

Please welcome Jim Riggleman, your new Mariner bench coach. You may remember Riggleman from such failures as his entire professional career.

After spending hours upon hours doing research and staring at a spreadsheet, I've come up with the following organizational rankings for bench coach performance between 2005-2007:

t-1st: Seattle
t-1st: Texas
t-1st: Oakland
t-1st: Los Angeles (AL)
t-1st: Cleveland
t-1st: Detroit
t-1st: Minnesota
t-1st: Chicago (AL)
t-1st: Kansas City
t-1st: Boston
t-1st: New York (AL)
t-1st: Baltimore
t-1st: Toronto
t-1st: Tampa Bay
t-1st: Philadelphia
t-1st: New York (NL)
t-1st: Atlanta
t-1st: Washington
t-1st: Florida
t-1st: Milwaukee
t-1st: Chicago (NL)
t-1st: Pittsburgh
t-1st: Houston
t-1st: Cincinnati
t-1st: St. Louis
t-1st: San Diego
t-1st: Colorado
t-1st: Arizona
t-1st: Los Angeles (NL)
t-1st: San Francisco

You'll notice that every team has the same rank. This is because bench coaches don't do anything. Should the rest of the staff fill out as expected, Riggleman's job description might as well read "be willing to work through a hangover and take over for Larry Bowa behind third base following ejections."

Bench coach: the only guy in the clubhouse who doesn't need a day off for flu-like symptoms. I wish Jim the best of success enjoying his free money.

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Comments

How can you so crassly

disregard Riggleman's 1998 where he was second runner up for Manger of the Year?!?!

by JI on Oct 20, 2007 4:01 PM PDT reply actions

Welcome Jim Riggleman!

Washington Highways

by Corco on Oct 20, 2007 4:15 PM PDT reply actions

Who was Melvin's bench coach in 2004?

I know he had Lach in 2003, but I can't remember who he brought over in 2004

Washington Highways

by Corco on Oct 20, 2007 4:15 PM PDT reply actions

n/m

Lach was around in 04 too

Washington Highways

by Corco on Oct 20, 2007 4:16 PM PDT up reply actions

You don't remember...

that according to the M's front office, one of the reasons for McLaren's struggles was that "He lost the best bench coach in baseball when he was promoted."

Comical.

by PLU Tim on Oct 20, 2007 4:28 PM PDT reply actions

He also lost the worst!

Well, according to Jeff's detailed spreadsheet.

by Gomez on Oct 20, 2007 9:28 PM PDT up reply actions

awesome

I love is what this means in terms of our field manager's experience.
not awesome - an October that witnesses some of the best GM's in the business walk away from their clubs or at least interview with others, and some of the best respected field managers looking for work, and all we have to be excited about is who's going to be the first base coach.

there should be three levels of terror alert: Jesus Christ, Goddammit, and fuck me! -LB

by Bearskin Rugburn on Oct 20, 2007 4:52 PM PDT reply actions

Actually, that money isnt free

as he will have to endure bad decision after bad decision from his manager.
I'd need some compensation to sit in that dugout, too.

by KC @ Lookout Landing on Oct 20, 2007 11:24 PM PDT reply actions

He'll be too wasted to notice them.

by Jeff Sullivan on Oct 21, 2007 12:04 AM PDT up reply actions

Yeah

Because Jim Riggleman's career has been defined by good decision making and winning. ... oh wait.

by Gomez on Oct 21, 2007 1:04 AM PDT up reply actions

Hey

At least we have a reason to say "Riggleman" whenever we want for the next year. It's like what would happen if the worm got ahold of your fishing pole.

Riggleman. Riggleman. Riggleman.

by chaney on Oct 22, 2007 11:21 AM PDT reply actions

There's no way this quote can be taken positively

"'I felt after being out of the big leagues for a few years, I better not pass on this opportunity,' said Riggleman"

So for the Mariners, they've got a guy who hasn't had any other opportunities for a few years, and for Riggleman, there's no indication that he's actually excited about working with the Mariners.

by Nadingo on Oct 22, 2007 12:04 PM PDT reply actions