So we've returned for the second part of the first half report card, with the first part available for your reading pleasure here. Remember how in school you would always ask your friends how they did whenever they got back a grade on anything? This is like that, only these players aren't your friends, you're seeing their grades without their permission, and the grades are meaningless. These grades are not going to be the determining factors when it comes to deciding whether or not any of these players will go to college. There is a much bigger determining factor. Pretty much only one determining factor.

To review:

(1) The grades are ostensibly objective, but truthfully subjective

(2) Players are compared against the league, and not against expectations

(3) Playing time doesn't really matter much

(4) None of this really matters much

(5) Nothing matters much

(6) Nothing matters

(7) Nothing

Let's just get this over with so we can all move on and do something with meaning. Nothing actually has meaning, of course, but truly exceptional people only realize that after they're finished.

Continue reading this post »

So we've reached the halfway point of the season, which is actually the 56.2% point of the season, which is two Cleveland rainouts away from being the 57.4% point of the season. It is around this time of year, every year, that Major League Baseball takes a vacation from being interesting and puts on both a home run derby and an All-Star Game to cover a three-day break in the action. There's also a futures game and a celebrity softball game that cater to different audiences, but one thing those audiences have in common is their size, which is little.

But while the break is kind of shitty for those who don't enjoy the Home Run Derby or the All-Star Game, which is everyone, it does provide an opportunity to step back and review everything that's happened over the course of the first three months. As the season rolls along, we tend to get sucked into the day-by-day. We can't help it. At the break, we can view the bigger picture. We can, for example, go over the Mariners' first 91 games, instead of their most recent five. Those recent five games were important, given the context, but the 91 games are the context, and now we have a chance to reflect on them.

It's with that in mind that I'm going to pass out my annual first half report card, beginning with the position players. And to accompany the report card, I will issue my annual statement that these grades are 100% subjective and 100% meaningless, and if you get mad about any of them, any of them at all, you are reading this wrong, because the grades do not matter and you take things too seriously. Not only is this just sports - this is a blog post about sports that none of the players are likely to read, and the grades will not go on any of their permanent records. I don't think their parents will even find out. These given grades have all the significance of an underfoot pine cone. Stupid pine cone.

In theory, the grades are based on individual performance vs. league performance.

Continue reading this post »

STARTERS

Click to enlarge. Mariners SP tRA for August 2010. Source StatCorner.com

Back after July ended, I was pessimistic about the chances for the rotation to remain an asset without Cliff Lee and with the team clearly buried in the division. They were surprisingly adapt this past month however. It's a wonder how good a unit can look when you avoid the black holes.

DOUG FISTER: Slightly more strikes and a noticeable up tick in missed bats which Jeff made note of for Fister in August. Further good signs include an increase in ground ball rate and a drop in line drives. Fister allowed just one home run this past month, which goes a long way to securing yourself a good tRA and FIP. Those extra missed bats really paid off as well as Fister's strikeout rate jumped from 14% in July to 19% in August. Each month I expect Doug Fister to regress and each month he doesn't. In a season full of negativity, Doug Fister is a legit bright spot. GRADE: B+

LUKE FRENCH: Hey there Doug Fister-lite. That is what Luke French pitched like in August and why he was so surprising. A main difference is that he didn't get nearly as many strikeouts possibly owing to his abandonment of the slider. In fact, his strikeout to walk rate was pretty poor and while he avoided line drives, he's not and never will be a ground ball aficionado. Throw your slider, Luke. What you did in August isn't sustainable. THROW YOUR SLIDER! GRADE: C+

FELIX HERNANDEZ: After a slightly toned down Felix in July, he really came out and dominated in August. He threw a little fewer strikes overall and saw a rise in his walk rate, but his strikeouts were way up and his ground ball rate was where we like to see it in the mid to high 50s. Felix had a 2.88 tRA in July. It was 2.89 in August. Consistent greatness is nice. GRADE: A

DAVID PAULEY: Pauley continued to avoid being a disaster even with a full month's worth of starts which is cute. He actually can miss some bats which is good because he cannot throw strikes for much. His real weapon though is that he's been keeping the ball on the ground. He's not good or anything, but he was free and if you can find a 7th man for the rotational depth chart for free, that's neat. GRADE: D+

JASON VARGAS: The strikeouts continue to fall down from 16% to 13% in August. That's worrisome, but Vargas is still getting swings and misses at an okay rate and we have to realize that he may simply be gassed after his lack of innings in 2008 and 2009. In total, it was more of the same from Vargas in August just with fewer home runs, which is good! Go back to striking people out for a couple starts, Jason. Then shut it down and be proud of a perfectly decent 2010. GRADE: C-

GRADE: B+

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RELIEVERS

Mariners RP tRA for August 2010. Source StatCorner.com

August was more like what I hoped to see every month out of Brandon League. Tons of ground balls, a good swinging strike rate and a solid strikeout to walk rate.

GRADE: D+

Record: 13-14, 52-80 Overall

Position: 4th, 22.0 games back of Texas

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DEFENSE

Source: FanGraphs. Standard caveats that this is only one measurement and a very small sample.

The gloves were a bit better in August than they were in July but still ended up below average. Ryan Langerhans is still awesome. Jose Lopez is still playing. 

GRADE: C

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HITTING

Click for full size. Mariners wOBA for August 2010. Source StatCorner.com

This should probably still be an F, but I felt I had to bump the grade up a skosh just to illustrate how poor they were in July. Being 29 runs below average is bad, but seems puny when coming off a month that saw the team total be closer to 60 runs below average.

We just cannot have more than one hitter at a time that is capable of hitting home runs during a particular month.

It was nice to see Ichiro put in a more traditionally Ichiro month with 38 hits and a low strikeout total compared to his 29-hit, 20-strikeout month of July. Ichiro has played in every game so far this season and if he keeps that up, is on pace to end the season with 209 hits, comfortably clearing the 200 barrier for the tenth consecutive season. You don't appreciate Ichiro enough. Appreciate him now! Before he's gone and our lead off hitter is Joey Cora Jr.

The troubling trend continues for Russell Branyan's contact rate which was just 62% in July and improved only to 63% in August. He's at 63% overall with Seattle this year, down from 66% last season with us and even that number was dragged down by his poor end of the season when the back injury really took a toll. The walks were up this month, but I'm skeptical about Branyan's ability to be a big presence in a 2011 lineup. At the least, I wouldn't pencil that DH hole as filled just yet.

Tui hasn't been awful. How about that?

Maybe Jose Lopez meant that he wanted to draw 50 walks total between 2009 and 2010. He's still short of that goal.

Chone Figgins' BABIP-related bad luck has seem to abated and we are still left with his troubling lack of extra base hits and --likely related-- a worse strikeout to walk ratio than would be expected given his plate discipline. Figgins needs to start being a doubles threat again whether by hitting the ball with more authority or by stretching out more singles. C'mon Chone, if someone is going to be reckless on the base paths I'd rather it be you than Casey Kotchman.

Franklin Gutierrez was victimized in July by a horrendous .177 BABIP. In August he simply sucked. 21 strikeouts and just two walks? It's like he's already trying to fill the upcoming Jose Lopez vacuum.

GRADE: D--

Record: 6-22, 39-66 Overall

Position: 4th, 22.5 games back of Texas

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DEFENSE

Source: FanGraphs. Standard caveats that this is only one measurement and a very small sample.

Total team UZR for the month was a below average -2.7 runs. Of course these are small samples of highly volatile measurements so picking out individual players is plain incorrect to do but I have to wonder, if Ryan Langerhans played this well while on his head, would somebody finally notice him?

GRADE: C-

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HITTING

Click for full size. Mariners wOBA for July 2010. Source StatCorner.com

Woof.

Kudos, Casey, for the good month. I wonder how the rest of the season would have played out had that come in May instead of July. It's likely too late for you to avoid being non-tendered given your arbitration reward but you will probably get another bench shot next year. I doubt you will be handed another opportunity like you had this season in Seattle to start full time and it's sad that your chance was derailed by a lot of horrendous luck, but keep plugging away and you might get that playing time back somewhere else.

The power went away for Michael Saunders but I absolutely love seeing the 11 walks to 16 strikeouts. He's displaying all the talent he's had in the minors. If he manages to coalesce them into one consistent skill set then we will really have something on our hands. A good left fielder. That is the something. Cheap too!

Russell Branyan posted a high BABIP and still was bad thanks to 23 strikeouts in just 58 plate appearances. His contact rate took a nosedive again which is Branyan's bellwether for hitting success. Hopefully it was just small sample noise and possibly his injury.

Chone Figgins still suffered from a depressed BABIP given his recent norms but keeping that walk to strikeout rate near 1 helps him out. So does that home run. A home run!

Those last two lines are incredibly poor and Justin Smoak certainly did very little to prove himself worthy of being in the same parcel exchange as Cliff Lee but he is unlikely to maintain such a historically bad strikeout to walk rate. As for Franklin Gutierrez, it was an overall bad month for him, but the .177 BABIP propelled it to the worrying slump stage. I too wish he had stayed at the level he played at in April, but I am not too worried. Under a normal BABIP month, Guti nets an addition nine or ten hits. That's in one month. That's nearly 100 points of batting average.

GRADE: F

STARTERS

FELIX HERNANDEZ: Felix could not repeat his outstanding June but that is no knock on him as his June was a bare-assed stomp through the forests of the American League, leaving a path of destruction in his wake. Everything regressed in July, but he still kept his ground ball rate north of 50%, and a 3.7 strikeout to walk ratio makes it still an elite performance. GRADE: A

CLIFF LEE: Made one start and was awesome. Cliff Lee was always awesome and now he's gone. And in a way that almost might be for the best. Not that I expect him to ever, ever regress, but just in case some fluke lightning strike were to sap his magical powers, the Cliff Lee at his peak remains in our memories as our only interaction with him. It's like if Griffey had never come back to Seattle. GRADE: A++++++ would buy again

DAVID PAULEY: I had no clue that Pauley made this many starts. Oh dear that seems bad. Except not as Pauley was not an embarrassment. He's pitching over his head so I don't want to spend time making too much of three decent starts. This was the sort of fill in that would have been greatly appreciated on a contending team. Instead, some people are going to try and spin this into a future contributor. Those people are cute and delightful in their optimism. They deserve to be studied so that we may one day harness their positivity for our own uses, leaving them a bitter hulk of a person. GRADE: C-

RYAN ROWLAND-SMITH: A second full month back in the rotation (no longer!) ended with absolutely no improvement over June. There was marginally more ground balls (37% to 43%), but fewer swings and misses and just as many pitches outside the strike zone. Both walks and strikeouts fell. The walk rate stayed the highest in the rotation and the strikeout rate is completely unacceptable. He wasn't as bad as he looked thanks to that strand rate, but he was still awful. GRADE: D-

JASON VARGAS: Vargas again displayed improvement on his control though his walks ticked up slightly. However, his whiff rate fell back to average, even though his strikeout rate rose over his June numbers. It's all backward with this guy. What a card! A 3.0 strikeout to walk ratio is still good even if it was 3.5 in June. In significantly better news, the ground ball rates really improved going from 29% to 40%. Of course that means that Vargas allowed more home runs too. You so crazy, Jason! A pitcher with his strikeout, walk and ground ball profile will do well more times than not so he gets a grade bump over what his tRA would indicate. GRADE: B

GRADE: C

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RELIEVERS

Mariners RP tRA for July 2010. Source StatCorner.com

What a motley collection of awful. David Aardsma was the only really worthwhile component and there is not much to say about them. Jamey Wright couldn't miss a bat in Little League, neither could Luke French. Brandon League still cannot throw strikes and isn't missing enough bats to overcome that particular folly. Sean White is still Sean White and everyone else was worse than Sean White.

GRADE: F

The second half of our stupid meaningless report card series. Hey. Hey, you. Yeah, you, right there, in the clothes. Stop caring about these grades. Quit it. You are just the worst.

If at any point you feel like I'm being too negative, cynical, or snarky, I cordially invite you to develop a time machine, go back to the start of the year, watch this team as much as I've watched it, write about this team as much as I've written about it, and not come away a bitter broken shell of a man by the same point in the season. In some indirect way, the Mariners did this to themselves. Sure, the season has its moments. Last Saturday, for example. Last Saturday was awesome. But the thing about the All-Star Break is that it gives you an opportunity to review more than just the most recent spate of games. It gives you an opportunity to review the whole first half, and 2010's whole first half can go and get lost. In the woods, where there are bears that eat it.

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David Aardsma: D. First in alphabetical listings, first in disappointingly but suitably awful intro music, and first in terrifying fly balls. Did you know that Aardsma's current ERA is just about tied with the Mariners' bullpen ERA from 1997? Do you remember anything in particular about the Mariners' bullpen from 1997?

Jesus Colome: D+. I used to complain a lot about Colome at the time, since he was pointless and a waste of a roster spot that could've been put to better use, but at least Colome could strike some guys out. One could argue that Colome was actually of greater use than Ken Griffey Jr. to this Mariners team. There's a sentence I never thought I'd write, mainly because I don't sit around all day thinking about unrelated pairs of baseball players. I also never thought I'd write the sentence "any inaccuracies in this statement must be reported to John Hancock USA within 45 days," but here I am, as I read my 401k report.

Chad Cordero: F. The neat thing about Rudy is that he didn't play enough for people to realize he sucks.

Doug Fister: B. And this is how you maximize an underwhelming skillset. Doug Fister wouldn't start for some teams in high school, but here he is in Seattle, stacking up furniture and boxes and shit and pressing himself firmly against the underside of his low ceiling. Fister has 145.1 innings of Major League experience, and to show for it, he has a 3.53 ERA and a 4.32 FIP. Fister works. I can't believe Fister works.

Luke French: D. It's funny how, ERA aside, French has taken such a marked step back in AAA this year from where he was last season. That's a good career move, Luke. It's not like you were ever on the bubble of being an actual big leaguer or anything.

Felix Hernandez: A. Of course, who says I have to be snarky all the time? As was the case a year ago, Felix ran into a bit of a rough stretch in May before putting his head down and barreling through opposing lineups like towers of matchsticks. It's frustrating that he has the occasional lapse, but then I think that's a part of what makes him so lovable. The slight degree of unpredictability prevents us from taking him for granted. Felix is a special snowflake, and it is our duty to always keep that in mind.

Shawn Kelley: B-. Shawn Kelley on June 5th: 0.1 innings, 4 walks. Shawn Kelley without June 5th: 24.2 innings, 6 walks, 26 strikeouts. He hasn't been terrific, and the elbow issue is worrisome, but I just don't get how Kelley doesn't get more respect. Not from us, I mean. From the coaching staff. Sean White has averaged higher-leverage appearances. Sean White is even worse than Kelley at having his name spelled. Kelley's a good pitcher. When healthy, he might be the best pitcher in the bullpen.

Brandon League: C-. Doug Fister's antithesis, League has a high ceiling, but rather than try to reach it, he's content to just sleep on the top bunk. The chill, laid-back, surfer approach is only appealing when you're good. When you instead turn to coughing up leads left and right, it makes people think you're a moron. All in all, League's been okay, but he isn't close to what he could be, or should be.

Cliff Lee: A+. Not only was Lee the perfect pitcher on his own - he touched everyone around him and made them better or happier, too. Fans and teammates alike. He was like the opposite of AIDS.

Mark Lowe: D-. I just realized the M's have a worse record than the Astros.

Garrett Olson: F. The Astros. Remember how Matthew and I spent so many podcasts just ripping them to shreds before the year, and into the early season? They're a half game better than us. Their offense has nearly pulled itself even and they're closer to the playoffs. This is like Andrew Dice Clay nailing your mother.

David Pauley: B. And the Indians are only one game back of us now, too. The Indians, who traded their ex-Mariner first baseman, who demoted their ex-Mariner second baseman, and whose ex-Mariner shortstop broke his arm. That offense has been propped up in large part by their ex-Mariner right fielder. They're one game behind us in the standings, and the best K/BB among anyone on the pitching staff with more than 20 innings - the best K/BB - is Jake Westbrook's 1.7. The Indians are godawful and borderline unwatchable. And they've almost caught us.

Ryan Rowland-Smith: D-. It's only not an F because the recent accumulation of groundballs is an encouraging sign that RRS may have figured out a way to get out of his slump. Still, know that he was very nearly marked as a failure. To a man, pretty much everyone seems to love him, and for good reason, but it really makes you question what you're rooting for when you see complete douchebags like Alex Rodriguez and Brett Myers winning World Series rings while a good soul in RRS can't seem to get out of his rut. Do you want the successful jerk over the likable underperformer? Do you really? I think I'm beginning to understand some of those Mariners teams from earlier in the decade.

Ian Snell: F. Unlike RRS, we don't really know Ian Snell or get what he's about, so it's a lot easier for me to say, hey Ian, you suck. Garrett Olson has sucked, too. Don't remember if I mentioned that earlier.

Brian Sweeney: A-. 12 innings, zero walks. He hasn't actually struck anyone out in his last four appearances, but it's so refreshing to see a guy so clearly aware of his limitations and pitch to maximize what ability he has. Brian Sweeney and Doug Fister would be an NBA Jam team with low ratings played with by an experienced gamer, while Jesus Colome and Brandon League would be an NBA Jam team with high ratings played with by a hat.

Kanekoa Texeira: D+. Hey so you know what Texeira has done with the Royals? Throw strikes and get grounders. It's a good thing we didn't give him the chance to do that here. He might've made Sean White look bad. It's hard enough for Wak to find ways of keeping Shawn Kelley from doing that without having to worry about a second pitcher too.

Jason Vargas: B. Vargas' meaningful peripherals are all pretty much identical this year to last year, save for one: home run rate. Split the middle and he's got a low-4s ERA. Sounds about right. What's most interesting about Vargas is his physical appearance. A lot of people say he looks like a lesbian. Other people say he looks like a mafia don. My girlfriend says he looks like a frog. For funsies I just tried to use an online picture morpher, but my browser froze. It's probably better this way.

Sean White: F. I'm typing this with one hand in hunt-and-peck because my other hand is flipping off my monitor.

These posts are so stupid. Who cares what arbitrary letter grades some idiot gives a bunch of baseball players? I'm not a teacher. My cousin's a teacher and she doesn't even put much thought into the grades her kids get. Would it really matter to you if I gave Jack Wilson an F? Would it really matter to you if I gave Jack Wilson an A? No, of course not. It wouldn't matter to anyone. It wouldn't make any difference, at all, and the only reason I'm even assigning grades in the first place is because I copied this post title from last year and I'm too lazy to change it.

This report card is meaningless. It's basically just an opportunity for me to riff off whatever comes to mind as I work my way down in alphabetical order. If you see a letter grade that you don't like, shut up, because even though you might care, I don't, so you aren't going to get anything accomplished. It's just wasted energy and wasted time. Didn't anyone ever tell you about the mistake of wasting time? Your mother and I are very disappointed in you.

And on we go. In retrospect maybe I should've built this up a little better.

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Eliezer Alfonzo: D-. Alfonzo had like one or two really awesome games when he first came up, then he either stopped doing anything or I stopped noticing him or both, and he wound up back in the minors. The numbers tell me he was bad, which isn't surprising, but on the other hand he was the fourth-string catcher, and he befriended King Felix, so it's hard to fail a guy you couldn't have expected to do much better. Negative points due to his awful fashion canceled out by positive points due to his having a rap.

Josh Bard: C-. Remember when the only thing Bard could do was hit line drives? I do. I also remember the first two lines of the Gummy Bears theme song. Both memories are of similar consequence.

Milton Bradley: D. This one's hard. Bradley's delivered some big, big hits. He's had some wonderful postgame interviews. He's been up front about undergoing counseling, and really does seem to be making big personal strides. But then he's come to the plate 239 times and has a worse OPS than Casey Kotchman. We all tried to keep our expectations realistic and achievable. He hasn't put himself on pace to achieve them. I hate being disappointed, here, but I'm disappointed.

Russell Branyan: C. You know these report cards are super important when I'm passing out a grade to a guy we just traded for. Branyan gets credit for being as good as ever, and he gets docked for not just accepting our damn offer in the first place and skipping over the whole Cleveland chapter. Fair? I'll tell you what isn't fair: seven games of Matt Tuiasosopo at first base. I put that one firmly on your shoulders, Branyan. To quote the honorable and sexy Francis X. Hummel, damn you for forcing me into this position.

Eric Byrnes: A+. Eric Byrnes failed to lay down a suicide squeeze, ride his bike out of the clubhouse, and wound up playing softball with his buddies while earning an eight-figure salary. I'm tired of Hollywood telling me that a guy is living the dream when he cracks the professional ranks. A guy is living the dream when he can act weird and fuck around with his friends while knowing he'll never have to work another day in his life. Eric Byrnes is an inspiration, and that week or whatever that everything happened lives on as one of my favorite weeks of all time.

Mike Carp: D-. I honestly don't remember a single thing that Carp did while he was up here and I'm only giving him a D- instead of an F in case I forgot something awesome.

Chone Figgins: F. Just a massive, colossal disappointment. Figgins has run, but he hasn't hit, he hasn't played defense, and he hasn't done anything else to lift himself up off the floor. His highlight was a .358 June OBP, but that came with a .281 June SLG. Figgins has been a bad player, and I'm being completely honest when I say that I've grown very concerned. I haven't seen the skills. I haven't seen nearly enough of the skills to have confidence in a significant bounceback. A deal everyone and his mother was praising just three months ago now looks like a potential long-term problem.

Ken Griffey Jr.: F. I don't want to say anything bad about Ken Griffey Jr. now that he's retired, so instead I'll say something bad about the mango nectarine. Mango nectarine, you are disgusting. You are more bitter than I was earlier this season when Ken Griffey Jr. was getting all that playing time. aw crap

Franklin Gutierrez: B. It's easy to forget now, but Guti was killing it for a while, and his OPS hovered around .800 into the beginning of June. Since then, he's kind of come apart. Through June 3rd: 30 walks, 49 strikeouts. After June 3rd: three walks, 29 strikeouts. I don't know if it's pressure, or a simple slump, or he's battling an injury, or what, but Guti has been awful for a good month, now, and the team has taken a corresponding tumble in the standings. Hilariously, at .717, he still has the second-highest OPS on the team among guys with more trips to the plate than Mike Sweeney. Hilariously.

Ichiro: A. Your standard Ichiro season. I'll tell you what - Ichiro must've done something really messed up in a previous life. At least Sisyphus doesn't have to deal with Safeco in April. I wonder if touching that girl was Ichiro's attempt to get out. You can't play for the Mariners from jail.

Rob Johnson: D+. Rob Johnson before all those surgeries: .615 OPS, 0.55 WP + PB per game. Rob Johnson after all those surgeries: .620 OPS, 0.65 WP + PB per game. Either that's one shitty surgeon, or Rob is one shitty catcher.

Casey Kotchman: C-. Kotchman had a hot start and a hot finish, sandwiching a middle bit colder than the other side of Clay Bennett's bed. I don't actually know if Clay Bennett is single or divorced, but I bet you don't either, which is why this joke works.

Ryan Langerhans: B. Ryan Langerhans has 16 walks in 57 trips to the plate. 16! As a Seattle Mariner, he's posted a .347 OBP with some power and very good defense. Oh by the way he never plays ever.

Jose Lopez: D. I'd fail him, but I feel obligated to give him at least some credit for putting the work in to become a passable defensive third baseman. I didn't know Jose had that kind of work ethic in him. Of course, that makes his failure to develop at the plate doubly annoying. His OBP is .270. He has a worse OBP than he did when he was 21. His OBP is almost lower than Josh Wilson's batting average.

Adam Moore: F. Just the other day I was thinking about reminding everyone that we still have Adam Moore, and he's been doing well in AAA, and he might still become a passable regular before too long. That doesn't mean that he wasn't a complete and miserable stale shortbread cookie of a backstop during his time here pre-injury. Adam Moore looked more overmatched than anyone wearing that red Communist Party t-shirt.

Michael Saunders: C+. Seeing the defense and the flashes of power has been nice, albeit mostly offset by the fact that I still don't have any shred of confidence in him to so much as put the bat on the ball when it counts. Reading Dave's post about his swing the other day made me upset. I used to see reasons why he'd succeed. Now I keep thinking about the chances he'll fail. Thanks a lot, Dave. Enjoy your 90-degree heat and thunderstorms. See, you're miserable too.

Justin Smoak: D. Smoak's first two games: three strikeouts, three pop-outs, one swinging bunt, one groundball single. Plus he cost us Cliff Lee. You are replacing a loved one, Justin Smoak. I am already biased against you.

Mike Sweeney: B+. Remember Mike Sweeney? He's still on the team! And he's come to the plate 11 times since June 3rd because he can't stay healthy. He's been exactly what we wanted him to be from the start, only the team is bad and pointless instead of good and in need of his roster spot, which now makes the start of this sentence seem kind of mean-spirited.

Matt Tuiasosopo: F. In Tacoma, he is Matt Tuiasosopo: Legitimate Prospect. In Seattle, he is Matt Tuiasosopo: Termite Log. In this metaphor, a termite log is understood to be completely worthless.

Jack Wilson: D-. Fun fact: Jack Wilson has one walk. 490 different players have more walks this year than Jack Wilson. Pieter Bruegel has drawn one fewer walk than Jack Wilson this year, and Pieter Bruegel died in 1569.

Josh Wilson: C. When people ask me what it's like having to write about the Mariners every day, lately I've been telling them, hey, it's not so bad, we figured out one of our players might be a legitimate big league utility guy. I think that gets the right point across.