Rally Fries are pretty much the worst thing ever.

After 48 starts in the big leagues, Matsuzaka's got a career tRA of 4.57 and an xFIP of 4.64. Solid investment, guys. Totally worth the frenzy.

Where does nabbing Dickey in the Rule 5 Draft rank on the list of best Mariner moves of the year? Of the last five years? I can't believe the same team that paid so very much for four of its starters was able to find a competent back-end solution for a Fahey fistful of pennies. If I didn't know better, I'd call it genius.

If Jarrod Washburn hasn't been traded by the ninth inning, Lee, you have failed as as general manager.

Jon Lester could be the biggest, most arrogant prick in the world, and I bet no one in the media would have the balls to call him a clubhouse cancer.

Second Annual Stone Sour Fest

SUNDAY, JULY 20th 11am-9pm

The human palate is capable of detecting four basic tastes, but during a typical beer tasting only two of those (well, three if you count the pretzels) are experienced: bitter, sweet, and salty. At the Stone Brewing World Bistro & Gardens we feel it's high time we included the fourth flavor domain, SOUR, in the equation. Join us for hours of sours as we celebrate this great, and often unexplored, tradition of tart and tasty ales. We're currently tracking down as many sour beers as we can put on tap and keep in bottles for the special day. The event will kick off when we open at 11am and will continue all day long at our outdoor bar. A $30 Sour Pass will get you 10 taster tickets (some of the rarer sour beers will require two tickets) along with a commemorative glass. Buy your Sour Pass on Sunday at the outside bar.

I won't be watching you, Carlos. Do your worst.

Rather than acknowledging Miguel Batista any more than I already am with this sentence, I'm just going to point out that, over his last six starts, Felix has allowed nine line drives. Nine. That's under ten percent. Over the same span he's struck out 40 batters against a measly nine walks. The man has been pitching just about as well as he ever has in his career.

I love you, Felix.

Game preview:

KANSAS CITY -- Jim Riggleman is not a numbers man.

If you asked him about a goal in terms of wins at the beginning of the season, he probably wouldn't want to give it to you. So as the Mariners embark on their first series after the All-Star break, it's no surprise that Riggleman doesn't want to talk about concrete goals for his team.

"I don't know what a realistic goal is," he said. "For me the goal is to just try and win every game. You've got the competitive juices flowing and you're trying to win that game."

Repeat:

"I don't know what a realistic goal is," he said. "For me the goal is to just try and win every game. You've got the competitive juices flowing and you're trying to win that game."

Let's break this down:

"I don't know what a realistic goal is," he said.

"For me the goal is to just try and win every game.

So:

"I don't know what a realistic goal is," he said.

He's right. He doesn't.

Also I hear some dude is pitching for us tonight.

I guess I should probably put up an open thread for this giant pile of dumb.

This is sure to leave a great taste in our mouths over the four-day break.

The pitchers I used to hate were so much more fun than the pitchers I hate now. Oh, Gil, you and your brain were always so wacky...

Speaking of Gil, anyone still think we missed out by not re-signing him to a big deal? Because his tRA is currently worse than Brett Tomko's.