Hypothesis

This team couldn't possibly be as bad as it was four years ago.

Evidence

-The pitching staff's a lot better. We have a 4.34 FIP so far in 2008, as opposed to 4.96 in 2004. Even with a bunch of solid innings turned in by Freddy Garcia and Bobby Madritsch, that wasn't enough to save a lousy group. And while the back of our rotation has completely tanked so far, at least this year's edition of the team has quality pitching depth to...um....step in and...zuh...

-The offense is a lot better. The 2008 team's .309 OBP and .384 SLG run circles around the 2004 team's .331...and .396...this doesn't...but depth, we have depth, right? Clement and...and the...

-The defense is a lot better. You'd rather have a .312 BABIP than a .289 BABIP, right? Except...hey wait...but I thought...

Conclusion

oh shit

Biggest Contribution: Ichiro, +2.8%
Biggest Suckfest: Miguel Batista, -30.0%
Most Important AB: Ibanez DP, -10.7%
Most Important Pitch: Inge homer, -15.7%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): -36.5%
Total Contribution by Hitters: -18.4%
Total Contribution by Opposition: +4.9%
(What is this chart?)

(Note: I don't actually think we're as bad as we were in 2004 but man oh man would that ever be hilarious. And in Pythagorean terms we're right on track.)

Horacio Ramirez may have left, but his spirit lives on.

Matthew's Note: DICKEY! If this team is going to fail, and boy will it, at least fail in an entertaining manner.

Jeremy Bonderman can't pitch* despite possessing all the stuff necessary to be a staff ace. Miguel Batista can't pitch.

(* Not counting 2008 however, as his fastball's down and he may be injured.)

Best Mariner lineup so far all season. Small victory.