Okay, fine.

Before you post, consider what reaction your words might incur in your fellow LLers. If, for example, you feel inclined to bitch about Wlad Balentien not adding you on Myspace, remember that A) Myspace isn't cool B) You are not cool* and C) Wlad is the man. We will then mock you.

Basically, stop writing stupid shit and start with the damage control. Your reputation for being hilariously wrong all the time will take a while to go away - it's just like it'd take a lot of posts by me containing nothing but sweetness and light to stop people expecting me to be an asshole.

And John Olerud likes beer.

Since I'm hated by several people around here, I probably shouldn't give you any advice. Yet, for whatever goddamn reason, I feel obliged to write something.

Of course, I'm buzzed as a fucking bitch who's one drink away from sucking cock like a high-class escort, so that must account for something.

Anyway, my advice would be to quit posting lame shit that makes people want to take shots at you. It's not a matter of coming up with shit that concurs with everyone, but rather forming your disagreements in a coherent manner.

Hell, that'll at least make it more difficult for the other posters to flat-out abhor you. Also, I'd suggest taking a few weeks off -- as well as another name change -- to allow yourself the possibility to start over anew here.

All right, I'm going to go eat my Banquet TV dinner -- so fuck you Brian Robinson -- and take a break from this joint.

Don't be so preachy (see the beer thread).

Don't do annoying things on other teams' blogs.

a few shots of scotch to try to fix that situation.

Coach my man. First off, you gotta quit being an immature dumbfuck. Seriously, act cool man. Brett and I were discussing this a while back, you probably aren't very popular in school am I right? Actually no, wrong choice of words. Who gives a shit if your popular. Popular isn't shit. So long as people respect you, your fucking golden.

Now listen to me man. Just quit being a dumbshit. Like, arguing with Jeff over stupid petty bullshit. Cause fucking Jeff, he's the man around here. It's his fucking house man, he's the fucking big man around here. So don't argue with him over stupid shit, cause then you look like a goddamn dick.

And quit pissing off those fucks over at HH. Yeah, they may be dirt fucking angel fans, but its their fucking house man. How would you like it if a Yankee fan came in here talking shit all the time? We'd be freaking pissed. Fucking Yankee fucks anyways. Yeah, that's what you look like when you do that. You make the rest of us look fucking bad. Knock it the fuck off.

Just quit acting fuckin gimmature. Don't give me that bullshit about how old tyou are. I don't give two fucking shits. I wasn't that fucking stupid at that age. You shouldn't be either.

Seriously man, do you act like this in real life? I should in the fuck hope not.

Anyywas, thats all I got to say right now. I might come up with more tomorrow. Who fucking knwows.

HA! I'm fucking take shots while bitching to Coach Ownes, the alchol is bad bitch. IRONY! I'm fucking hilarious! night nihght

I've been visiting this site for a while, but I don't post much.  I've read a lot of your stuff and for the most part don't think you're that bad a guy, hell, you're just a kid.  Though by acting so holier than thou (the beer thread) and like a total know it all, you have been asking for the shit that people have been giving you.  

Bottom line - I'm guess I'm not really saying anything that Goose didn't but just be cool man. And leave HH alone, you only make all M's fans look bad by spouting stupid shit over there.

In the immortal words of Bill and Ted -
Be excellent to each other, and party on dudes!!!

While Goose, Graham, AK, and coolguyrob pretty much covered all the bases ill just post this for pure repetitiveness.

First, think before you post. This is very key.  Why did you even post that Wlad diary? did you think we would all feel your sorrow because wlad didnt add you as a friend.  Why would you even ask him 10 times. Your requests were probably as ill thought out as many of your posts here are. Even this diary you come off as desprate for acceptance.

Second, think before you post again, use the preview button and actually read what you are posting.  I start to post comments or diary entries and after hitting preview and reading what i typed decide to scrap it because i didnt like how it sounded or came out.  

Third, dont be such a judgemental dillhole.  That beer post i said was funny is due to its retardedness.  I could actually picture you jumping up and down screaming haveing a tantrum like a 4year old who didnt get to go to mcdonalds.  Guess what people drink beer, somke ciggs and do drugs, they dont need a lecture from some teenager on the health benefiets of it.

Fourth, dont be a spastic jackass here or on any other sites like HH.  You not only make yourself look like a first class asshole but any site you are affialted with as well(like this one).  On the internet you are judged by what you type if you come off like a retarded assclown then people will assume you are one.

Allright, thats it i suggest you read all these replies from top to bottom again just so this gets hammered into your head.

1. Don't troll other team's SN blogs. That makes all of us look bad.
2. Think before you post. The MySpace-Wlad example is a good idea, as is your rant yesterday about how the trading deadling is another example of an east coast bias.
3. Don't act silly. I'm thinking back to when we were all in a chatroom organizing Goose's fantasy league, and you kept playing with different sounds.

A lot of your posts are completely fine, and hey, you're also only a kid. But keep in mind that 99% of the posters here are older than you, so you're going to have to act better than your age.

Drink 10 shots or so of Wild Turkey, then wear a big pink dress while dancing down Pike street listening to Tiptoe through the Tulips on an oversized ghetto blaster that you carry on your shoulder.  It would also help to wear a sombrero and clown shoes while doing so.  Make sure you video tape it, put it on YouTube, and post a Diary of it for us to see.  We'd love ya for that.  I promise.

Coach, Will, whatever:

I give you massive amounts of credit for asking the question in the first place.  Most people, when painted into that sort of corner, just keep flailing away and can't understand why they're constantly made a pariah, and you are at least trying to avoid repeating the same mistakes over and over.  that takes a lot of pride-swallowing from anybody, and to have it come from someone your age is impressive.  Seriously.

Now, on to your question.  The best advice I can give is something I heard in relation to the NFL, which I don't even like that much.  But, that's how good the advice is, it comes from a source I don't like and yet I take it seriously.

NFL rookies are told (or at least they used to be told), when they score a touchdown, to "act like they've been there before".  

In other words, don't make a fuss, don't be a jerk, just hand the ball to the ref and get on with it.

And that's the advice I'd give you here, and in life in general.  Act like you've been here before - don't be a jerk, don't get all self-righteous, and above all, understand when not to post something (the Vlad thread is the perfect example).

Not every thought needs a post, and the key is knowing when NOT to speak.  Understand where that line is, and you'll be fine.

If you really were being serious you'd already know how to "fix it" and wouldn't need to post a diary regarding this.

Just remember these:

Don't get in a fluster.

Don't care what others think, including Wlad.

Try and take constructive critisism for what it is, constructive.

Take non-constructive critisism for what it is, some jerk being a jerk.

Think before you post.

It's OK to disagree.

I hope nobody actually hates you, I don't.

Opinions are like as...  Never mind, I think you get it.

And please, please, please dance down Pike in a pink dress and video tape it for us.

...

I remember what it's like to be young and be online.  I'd go on BBS's are talk trash to everyone in every forum.  I was much worse than you.  I got banned from soooo many BBS's.  Ah, to be young again.  I haven't exactly been a non-troll as an adult either.  Some of my posts on this site are as troll as troll gets, and if anyone remembers Derek Smart and the Battle Cruiser episodes on the usenet, try and figure out which regular I was.  I loved it when somebody gets riled and starts calling me stuff.  I try not to be that guy anymore though, and try for intellegent discussion (for the most part, lately I've been in haha mode though).

Either you really are a troll... that is, you aren't some freshfaced optimistic fanboy at all.  You're actually a 40ish overweight sex-predator who delights in screwing with us all by playing this persona.  In which case... you've been having a great run.  Nice job.  You really get people worked up, which is what trolling is all about.

or

You really are an optimistic youngster who accidentally wound up on this blog.  But see... this is a blog for assholes.  After you posted a serious question, most people wrote shitty things back to you... because that's what assholes do.  And you really aren't an asshole.  Hanging out at LL is like wandering into the x-rated section of a video store (are you old enough to remember video stores? it's what people did before Netflix.)  Suddenly, instead of being surrounded by optimistic people trying to snag the latest Tom Hanks movie, suddenly you're surrounded with creepy jerks who debate whether bukkake (check wikipedia if you don't know) or Ichiro is the greatest Japanese contribution to society.

If you've ever seen the Team America movie... there are 3 kinds of people in the world.  Dicks, pussies and assholes.  To put up with the assholes, you have to agree with them or be a dick and try to fuck them.  But in a room full of dicks and assholes, there's just no room for pussy.

The M's have the most esteemed blogosphere in sports and it does us all a disservice when you make us look like a bunch of idiots.

I find the occasional Coach Owensesque thread to be hilarious at times, but you need to know how to cut your loses when its clear that you are losing.

It might be to late to change, it's really hard to change a reputation, especially on a blog.  Even if you wrote a 1,000 word diary breaking down the mechanics of Ichiro's swing, we'd still probably make fun of you.

I think the problem is you take it too seriously, trust me...no one hates you.  We just pick on you because you make it so easy.  Don't try and be something your not, just be yourself and have fun.

Having crash landed into several forums myself with a combative bang, only to watch things implode, I will say it's going to take you quite some time and good behavior to undo much of the negative sentiment.  That's just the way it is.  It's already been said: you're probably not a bad guy. But you certainly have done quite a bit to annoy readers for a variety of reasons that have been made clear by others at some point or rather.

Some things.

• Don't try so hard.  People can tell when you're clamoring for attention or acceptance, and ironically, it pushes people away.
• Watch and read.  Don't necessarily look for a reason to post.  Try to post in response to what others are discussing.
• If you're gonna agree or disagree, be sure to a) question yourself before you question the guy you're responding to.  If a guy says something you don't agree with, say, 'Desi Relaford is a bad player', before you shoot off a response that says 'NO HE ISN'T!' go and maybe look up his stats or something, and see if that statement is correct or not.  If they're right, hey, you learned something! If it turns out you can argue to the contrary with some present day data, mention it.  Linking it helps.

Which leads to: b)state some credible reasons for believing what you do.  'I think he's awesome!!11' isn't quite there. Neither is 'He was so good 5 years ago!11'  You know what the score is here and the valid criteria for judging players and performance.  Work with that.  Speak everyone's language, and they'll start to see what you're getting at.

In the end, brevity is the soul of wit.  Exercise some judgment in when to post.  Even people like Jeff and Thingray and Goose and MFAN and I and others who post a whole bunch exercise some judgment in posting.  If there was an easy, catch-all way to determine when this was, I'd just post a link to the manual.  But there isn't.  Use trial and error, but don't overdo it.