With summer upon us, most schools out, and the M's 2016 season humming along with few off days , we might not all have a chance to keep up with the games, or with the great articles here at Lookout Landing.
Further, even if we DO catch the games, the grind of the season starts weighing in on our ability to appreciate and discuss what we just saw. "There's over 90 games left" is encouraging when the M's have been 2-8 in their last 10, but a daunting hill to climb when trying to think of something new to say about our beloved Mighty M's.
So, you may be looking to jumpstart Mariners conversation at the barbeque, fake like you watched the game today, or write a fanpost. I'd especially like to help if you feel the need to compose a recap in your head, when the offered recaps on LL and in Baseball Media didn't match what you were expecting to read. Perhaps you'd even want to make sense of what you see floating around in Twitter or on one of those deplorable AM radio talk shows.
May I humbly offer this meager attempt at a tool for any or all of these things. You can look up items in this table to play write-your-own-recap mad-libs (hence the "Intro" and "Closing" rows). You could play comment buzzword bingo. Or, most usefully, you can simply berate me in the comments for having a particularly, outrageously uninformed opinion of the 2016 M's, their fans, or ideally both. Apologies in advance if this fanpost is not mobiLLe-friendly.
Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years, love and kisses,
Munenori's Espresso Stand
Good thing | Bad thing | Weird thing | Dumb thing | Amazing thing | Routine thing | |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Intro | Man, we needed this game today. | You know, it's a long season. | So, that happened. | I'm tired, you're tired, we're all tired, let's make this quick. | Where were you when it happened? | Hi, I'm a LL writer, let me tell you about an artisian egg salad sandwich I had for lunch a year ago NO WAIT I'M GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS |
Aoki | Constantly on base | Constantly trying to steal | New ways to fall down in the batter's box | New ways to fall down in the outfield | Took a direct route to the ball and threw to the right cutoff man | Guys, I don't know, he might be done. |
Marte | Ain't no party like a Marte party… | …cause a Marte party don't start. | Ha ha how did he do that on defense? | Ha ha why did he do that on offense? | The amazing thing is I'm not amazed anymore. | Remember when he was on the DL? Aren't we glad he isn't? |
Martin | A MOTO bat, batting 8th! | Out with leg issues again. | He walked. | Why would you yield to Aoki in the field, ever | Note that his ISO this season is as high as his voice. | Remember when he was on the DL? Aren't we glad he isn't? |
Cano | MVP Cano kept the hits coming | PAY ATTENTION ROBBIE | 3 times on base today and not one TOOTBLAN! | PAY ATTENTION ROBBIE | DO WHATEVER YOU WANT ROBBIE | Yes we Cano! |
Cruz | Cruz is at DH | Cruz is in RF | Cruz made a good play in RF! | Cruz tried to make a play in RF. | Cruz made a good play on defense and he's the DH! | MVP Cruz kept the hits coming |
Seager | Ranger killer! | Mariner base"runner" | Look at his expression here. LOOK AT IT | Tried to steal a base | Stole a base | Gold glove defense |
Iannetta | League average catcher | Throw down to second base arrived after the runner like someone tailgating their way into a secure office building | League average catcher, on the Mariners! | This is what an All Star level catcher can look like. | Caught All The Innings the previous day, then went 3-for-4 today | League average catcher |
Good thing | Bad thing | Weird thing | Dumb thing | Amazing thing | Routine thing | |
Dae-Ho | Started | Didn’t start | Hit a double! | Didn't start | Continues to be a lovely human being | Feel free to spend 20 comments in the comments section praising him, again |
Lind | Didn’t start | Started | Hit a home run! | Started | Started | Feel free to spend 20 comments in the comments section asking to DFA him, again |
O'Malley | Is sort of a utility player | Is sort of worse than Bloomquist was | Is on the roster | Is on the roster | Is on the roster | Is on the roster |
Smith | Kept the inning going on offense | Kept the inning going on defense | Is continually called Dad even though he's only old enough to be so for perhaps 15% of LL readership | Played more than 3 games in a row | Totes flipped his shit about that call | Walked to 1b |
Guti | Is Guti, in personality and offense | Is still basically held together by scotch tape and good intentions | Played more than 3 games in a row | Played more than 3 games in a row | Walked without pain | Is beautiful |
Kuma | Is not injured | Whoopsadoodle! Homer. | Is not injured | Whoopsadoodle! Another homer. | Is likely the one of the most consistent starting pitchers we have | That little leg kick / flick thing |
Walker | Is still only 23 | Hasn't stepped up to replace Felix yet, what the hell | Doesn't get nearly as many quips about his name as you'd think | Is getting by on fastballs | Is getting by on fastballs | Tee hee, he tweeted 3 words, let's quote that |
Paxton | Hit 100 mph out of nowhere | Highly susceptible to overamped overthrowing | Smiled that one time | Might be the best starter on the roster right now | 100mph LEFTY | Here's a photoshop of his sad face |
Good thing | Bad thing | Weird thing | Dumb thing | Amazing thing | Routine thing | |
Miley | Shaved | Shaved | Shaved | Shaved | Shaved | Let's comment on his face again |
Karns | Is here | Is here | Is here | Is here | Is here | Is here |
MiMo | Is a good long reliever | Was used in a high-leverage situation | Should really have been used in more high-leverage situations | Was used in a high-leverage situation | Is probably one of the most reliable parts of the pen | Feel free to spend 20 comments in the comments section asking to play him more, again |
Cishek | Closed… | …except for that one pitch | 8th inning 4-out saves | Not closing | Not really concerned when he comes in to close | Something something danger something club blah |
Reliever | Had a 1-2-3 inning | Didn't record an out | Is someone whose name we know | Is like, 57 or something, why's he here | Is someone whose name we know | Also played |
Player | Contributed | Reminded us why he's not an everyday player | Here's probably the first, last and only thing we'll have to say about him | Here's probably the first, last and only thing we'll have to say about him | Isn't it nice when players acquired for depth work as they're supposed to? | Hey, this guy is here now. Crap. Who's hurt? Let's talk about the guy we expected to be there instead |
HP Umpire | I can't tell you who it was today | UMPSHOW | Regulation strike zone | He went to school for this | Was in AAA 2 weeks ago | Boy could you believe that strikezone? I can't. ROBOTS |
Other Umpire | I can't tell you who it was today | You had ONE job | Helped correct the HP ump | Took forever to make a routine call | Got every replay-reviewed call right in this series | Not mentioned |
Good thing | Bad thing | Weird thing | Dumb thing | Amazing thing | Routine thing | |
Strike zone | We don't even have to talk about the strikezone today | Ready for today's interpretive dance routine? | There were some legitimately borderline calls in there | @MarinersUmp was working overtime | We don't even have to talk about the strikezone today | Ho boy. |
Breakdown of at-bat | Saw a lot of pitches today | swingswingswingswingswing | He hit THAT pitch? | He tried to hit THAT pitch? | Look at this 12-pitch at bat | Well, this is how they worked with what was given to them. |
Gifs | Dae-Homer | Aoki | Cano error | Aoki in center | Guti | Seager |
References | Current TV show | 2010 M's | Class the author took around 3rd year of undergrad | Look at this yahoo from twitter | Someone else on twitter called it | Go to wikipedia and pull up a random article, it will work |
LL in-joke | fiddle cat | there is no floor | goms | numbers | gobiz | meatloaf |
Intangibles #1 | This team loves each other | Momentum | Can't predict ball | Something Buhner said during the 4th inning | Clutch | It's a long season. |
Intangibles #2 | This team is fun | They obviously don't want it enough | This could be a turning point right here | Football analogy | Momentum | That's why they play the games |
Sabr cliché #1 | Run differential | Regression (and a 20-comment discussion clarifying how to use Regression correctly) | Did you know the last player to do that was Junior? | Did you know the last player to do that was Figgins? | No one has ever done this before | SSS |
Closing | So, that happened. | In the larger scheme, we're all just drops in an ocean of confusion, and we need to find meaning where we can. Hug your loved ones, go have a beer and come back tomorrow. | Where were you when it happened? | Someday we will look back on this and laugh. | Man, we needed this game today. | But there's still more games to play. Goms. |