The Tigers beat the Mariners, so here are some other things

always f'in khan putting in the mind control bugs when you arent looking - Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

Miguel Cabrera good baseball man.

Here's a nice video:

Ah what a fun thing. Watching this makes me feel nice and tingly inside. Dave Sims gets excited, and you can actually hear an audible roar come from the thinly dispersed 29,000 fans at Safeco. You can also hear Mike Blowers quietly mutter "oh boy" under his breath, as if he dropped his bagel cream-cheese side down right as Seager rips this into the right field seats.

I also like this guy. This guy is having a great time.


I don't know this guy, and I don't know what his name is. Let's call him Tim. Look at Tim, and look at how much fun he's having! Tim probably came to Safeco right after spending eight hours getting yelled at by uppity guests at his front desk job at Red Lion, tired and upset and now he got to see Kyle Seager hit a dinger off Justin Verlander. My carpet smells funny. The maid didn't fold my sheets the way I like. You said I could have a room with a nice view but I don't like it. Yeah screw all you, SEABOSS DINGERS.

Also, check out this old Tigers fan, just incredulous that Justin Verlander would have the cojones to give up a homer to tie a baseball game.



No way.



/deep sigh.

Poor old man. This is what it's like when the infinite march of time, moving ever forward, laps you and leaves you behind in the dust--the few pitchers whose names you can even remember suddenly aren't good anymore. Kids are listening to rap music and texting on their cell phones. Nobody understands anymore. A pint of beer at a baseball game costs five dollars. Wait, NINE? Jesuscriminey...

/shakes head.

Also look at that great dude three people over from our peeved Tigers fan. The one in sunglasses and...yes, look closely. Two fedoras. The second one was probably given to him by his friend in the purple golf windbreaker standing next to him, letting his friend know that Kyle Seager is on his fantasy team, and this will really do wonders for the weekend's final score.

Blanket guy doesn't seem too enthused. Season tickets? Have to pee? Who knows. Maybe his wife just left to get another beer and that's all he could think about, and that wave at the beginning is probably just a fat tire, honey, not coors.

After all this, Seager rounded third for his obligatory handshake/highfive thing with Rich Donnelly and stepped on home plate, still bathing in the cascading cheers reverberating throughout the cool Seattle breeze. Justin Smoak, who was just driven in by Seager, wallops our third baseman's helmet in joy. The game was tied. It was really a beautiful moment.

Man baseball is really something isn't it? It's a lot of things--a game of luck, a game of intense strategy, a game of aesthetics and tradition and beauty. It's really something. Love baseball. Love.

Oh yeah, the Mariners lost yada yada yada it was dumb.

Miguel Cabrera walloped a home run in the third, scoring Torii Hunter on the play. Seager's dinger tied that up in the fourth, but then Victor Martinez hit a three run shot in the fifth, because Victor Martinez has a wRC+ of 171. It scored Ian Kinsler and Miguel Cabrera, who was intentionally walked because he has a wRC+ of 152 and was given a bunch of awards from some old guys that like to write about baseball. Iwakuma wasn't terrible in this game--he was facing an incredibly dangerous lineup. But he made mistakes, leaving pitches up too high, matching his season total of walks in a single game (yeah, two, but come on), and giving up a lot of contact with well-hit balls.

After Iwakuma was pulled in the seventh, Rajai Davis joined in on the home run party, this time from Charlie Furbush. The Mariners wouldn't score again until the eighth, once Justin Verlander was finally pulled. Ian Krol came in and sent James Jones to second on a wild pitch, then gave up a well-hit double to Michael Saunders to score the third run of the game for the M's. But you know, the Tigers had three other ones to work with and everything.

I could keep talking about the game, but you know what? I'm not going to. The Mariners do this 162 times and I write a lot of these, and I don't want to just turn into a computer inserting nouns and adverbs around the numbers in the box score. Instead I want to look at another gif of something that makes me happy about the Mariners. Losing sucks. So does having Endy Chavez back, even though actually he's probably better than Stefen Romero. Nope. Doing fun things tonight.

In the first inning, Hisashi Iwakuma had runners on second and third with two outs. Austin Jackson was at the plate, and dribbled a little roller straight to Brad Miller, who hustled to grab it, glove it, transfer it, and send it to first just in time for the out. For some reason, Justin Smoak fell down and rolled off the bag like one of those halftime show inflatable cat guys that hop around and then fall over as part of their act. He got the out, despite looking pretty silly in the process. I don't know what any of that has to do with anything, but the next time someone asks me how the Mariners are doing this season, I'm going to just send them this:


Tomorrow Chris Young takes the mound against these same Tigers, and he's going to be pitching to Miguel Cabrera. Chris Young pitching to Miguel Cabrera. (Everybody, now!) Chris Young pitching to Miguel Cabrera.

Chris Young pitching to Miguel Cabrera.

Chris Young p

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