Mariners win by not losing like they usually lose

Otto Greule Jr

The Rangers beat the Mariners on Saturday, 6-3. It was the best loss of the season, if that makes any sense.

It wasn't the win the Mariners were looking for, but then again I remember someone once convincing someone of the opposite of that statement with a simple wave of the hand. I think he was using magic, some Force or something like that. But in this material universe in which we live, we are unfortunately married to the laws of physics where magic and The Force don't work.

If they did, LLoyd could have simply waved his hand during his challenge in the bottom of the sixth, which saw Brad Miller reaching base on a bunt that was ruled out. He was safe by a step, a good, clean step, but you see it didn't matter. We were told that replay would help do away with poor calls and we should have all known that a few would still slip through the cracks. Of course they would. But that just makes it a little more obnoxious when the following happens:

  1. Runner called out for the third out of the sixth inning of a tie game.
  2. Manager challenges.
  3. Umpires take their spot wearing headphones and confusedly focused stares, listening to the review officials based 3,000 miles away.
  4. Local sports broadcast team identifies the correct call as safe in a matter of seconds simply by reviewing the frame-by-frame footage that the review team in New York ostensibly has access to.
  5. Everyone stands around uncomfortably for five full minutes.
  6. Umpires receive the verdict of the review, which is verified as out, because whoever is in charge of the footage in New York was busy updating their Twitter profile and eating a jelly donut so they missed the whole thing.

And to be honest, complaining about this is kind of dumb. The Mariners didn't lose today's ballgame because of this (bad) call. Brad Miller was safe, and it would have put two on with two outs in the sixth in a tie game. Knowing how these things go, though, Michael Saunders would have probably come up and struck out, despite hitting a leadoff home run in the first at-bat of the game.

No, the Mariners lost the game today because Felix made a few little mistakes, and the bullpen came in and did this:

You may notice a man driving a vehicle in the video above. He makes a crucial mistake, one way or the other, and the walls come tumbling down on him in a ridiculous accident. This man is Joe Beimel.

Joe Beimel's ninth inning was a bit of a mess, but it would be incorrect to pin the M's loss on him. He ended up giving up four hits and two runs in a short bit of the inning, but the game was already lost at that point. See, though, the thing about this is that when this guy drove his cart into the wall, everyone forgot what happened before (and we are working backwards here, so bear with me). This forklift operator did this because he was just at a party with this guy:

The man just wanted to party, give him a break! This was Charlie Furbush. Furbush came in the game in the top of the eighth and proceeded to hit Prince Fielder with a pitch. Then he was pulled. Fielder scored later in the inning after Yoervis Medina was throwing stuff all around and not near the strike zone, and the 3-3 tie that opened the eighth was quickly sent to Texas in the Rangers' favor.

Not to talk about Felix, however. Felix wasn't his best tonight, walking three and striking out four over six innings. But Felix was still great, and the Mariners' bats matched him early on. As I previously stated, new leadoff hitter Michael Saunders opened the game with a leadoff home run, followed by another dinger in the second from Kyle Seager. Kyle Seager! Three home runs in two games! It's almost as if his awful April was the result of something like luck, or a small sample size or something like that. Man, funny how baseball works.

The Mariners got their third run in the fourth inning on a Mike Zunino sac fly following a few singles to Seager and Smoak, and a walk to Dustin Ackley. See, so the Mariners may have lost but it looked very little like the pathetic strikeout-frenzied games of last week's stupid long losing streak. Instead, the Mariners may be able to pull off a series win getting their only loss in a Felix start. That's not the worst thing that's ever happened to the Mariners. I mean it's still stupid, but you get what I'm saying here.

Tomorrow, Brandon Maurer gets the start and I'm sure you're all still terrified but you know, it just may go alright again. Who knows. I'm terrified but terrified is better than not giving a shit, so at least we still have that going.

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