67-85: Mariners club Tigers 8-0

Hugs after clubs - Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

A strong Iwakuma start and 1/3 of the line-up blowing up are enough for the Mariners to doom Verlander and the Tigers.

A few weeks back my coven was speaking about what we could do to make the world a better place.  In a unanimous decision, it was decided that we would send one of our own out into the world to write about the Mariners and infuse that writer with all the spells we could muster in order to turn the Mariners into winners.  All of our energies and blood sacrifices and best dance moves have been turned into pure winning power and funneled into "the Vessel".  I am that vessel.

This is the 2nd game I have been assigned to recap, and the Mariners are now 2-0 in those games.  The Mariners are 2-8 over their last ten games.  2-0. 

Do you know how it feels to be coursing with the life force of dozens of witches?  To be the avatar that changes the world and turns prophecy into fate?  The Mariners will be winners and then the dominos will fall into place.  This power…the things we can do with this power.  BIBBIDI – Justin Smoak can now literally punch down trees.  BOBBIDI – Jesus Montero now has the speed and eyesight of a peregrine falcon.  BOOOOOOOOOOO!!! – Franklin Gutierrez is now covered in a liquid layer of diamond and is also impervious to all disease.

And not just a win tonight, an 8-0 bludgeoning.  Sister Margaret must have had a great day at the Market of Souls, because damn, that is some powerful, fine juice.  Eight to absolutely nothing.  HAHAHA, the wins, the crushing power to obliterate our enemies on the way to victory, the lamentations, oh, the sweet lamentations. 

The Tigers started former Cy Young winner Justin Verlander and he was nothing but a speed bump.  Miguel Cabrera, former MVP, speed bump.  Even former warlock Jim Leyland was nothing before our combined power.  Are we worried about side effects, about repercussions, about the corrupting nature of absolute power?  Not tonight.

  • Iwakuma was great tonight, with 8 innings pitched and 6 K’s against 2 walks and 4 hits.  If you are one of the people who think the FO can do no right, well, here’s Iwakuma, back in 2014 and slotted behind Felix.  The Mariners are at minimum 1 for 80 on making good decisions.

  • Allow me to call this an offensive explosion.  Or at least, three players had what we can call a co-explosion.  When multiple players explode all together, the result is generally good and eight runs is more than we have come to expect.  Justin Smoak, Franklin Gutierrez, and Michael Saunders provided 7 spare runs that Iwakuma did not need, although I’m sure Farquhar appreciated the lack of stress closing out the 9th.  Those three batsmen were a combined 7 for 12 with 7 runs, 2 dingers, 3 doubles and a couple walks.

  • While Verlander is down this year, he’s still Justin Fucking Verlander, and the Mariners tagged him for 3 runs.  God, is Verlander the Tigers worst starter this year?  Sorry AL Central, sorry playoff contenders.  How odd, this was probably the Mariners best chance to win a game this series, the former Cy Young winner versus the guy who only pitched twice before June last season.

  • {insert mariners_bad_defense.gif} You have a few choices.

  • Check out this Gameday screenshot:
    18092013_gamecast
    No, not the pitches, is that…is that a car driving off the parking structure and?  Okay, sure, it’s Detroit you say, they do cars there you say, it’s part of the ballpark.  You can tell me all the stories you want but they won’t replace the idea of a Mariners fan driving off that parking structure.  This story took place in my head before the blowout took shape, so later it morphed into a Tigers fan distraught about getting blown out at home by the Mariners.  Hang in there buddy, you're going to the playoffs!

    Mlbdd-news-insert_medium

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