Rhymes with Farquhar

Joy R. Absalon-USA TODAY Sports

The Mariners have a new closer and his name is Danny Farquhar. Farquhar is an unusual name. This is an observation I have made. I am going to use said observation as inspiration for a blog post. My creative process is not strong.

With the help of a personal computer and the website Google, one can find many different options for a rhyming dictionary. The one I chose didn't recognize Farquhar, and so I instead opted for "car." Actually, first I watched a video of Farquhar closing out a game, and I listened to Dave Sims say his name aloud as to confirm the pronunciation. This wasn't because I was completely unsure of how the name sounded, but more because writing on the Internet for an audience of more than 20 people has made me acutely frightened of making a mistake. Could you imagine if I wrote up this entire post and based it around sounds that didn't rhyme with Farquhar? Why I'd look a fool! The readers would have my head! I mean the premise is tortured enough as is. It seemed prudent to access official confirmation.

So I punched in the word "car," which seemed close enough. I then learned of the word "quare," and immediately changed my selection. "Quare" is an adjective, from Irish dialect. It means "remarkable or strange," or also "great or good." One could say, "Danny Farquhar is one quare looking guy," or "Danny Farquhar is a quare relief pitcher, indeed." The word is probably a variant of "queer," which, yeah, that makes sense.

Right, so I clicked on "quare" and surveyed the results. I guess this is the end of my story about the time that I used an online rhyming dictionary to populate a list of words that share mouth sounds with Farquhar. I don't know why I started this paragraph, with the end so clearly near. But it's not like my keyboard comes with some kind of eraser so there's no turning back now.

Some notable results followed by sample sentences and context:

Ajar - The Mariners were ahead in a baseball contest, but with their competition in possession of three more outs, the metaphorical door was metaphorically ajar. That is, until Danny Farquhar entered the game and slammed the door metaphorically shut. Closers shut doors. They make sure open doors are closed. They close them. The doors.

Sonar - One could say that Danny Farquhar utilizes his pitching talent—assessing the game state, the batters weaknesses, his own ability, the movement of his pitches, the communications with his catcher—much in the way a submarine, or a torpedo, or a dolphin uses sonar to navigate underwater. One could say that, and it would be a pretty strange and turgid comparison.

Memoir - One day, Danny Farquhar may write a memoir, chronicling his journey to the Major Leagues and his experiences and adventures as a professional relief pitcher. That memoir would not sell well.

Guitar - Danny Farquhar hears guitar music in his head when others do not hear guitar music.

Dance

Jaguar - Danny Farquhar has a recurring dream. In it, he's on a guided South American safari with his family. It's been one of his life's ambitions to travel to this rugged area of the world and stare nature in her arid visage. To look over the terrain and imagine of what's come before, the daily struggle to simply survive, and what will come next. He takes leave of the van for only a moment. His family calls for him to return but he takes a few more wary steps forward. He feels the compact dirt beneath his boots. He scans the horizon through breaks in the undergrowth and breathes in deep, feeling the sun's warmth enveloping his body. He closes his eyes, tilting his head back towards the sky. He is attacked and mauled by a jaguar. Danny Farquhar wakes up when the jaguar bites into his neck.

Lumbar - The act of pitching a baseball requires an awkward and violent motion. Danny Farquhar would be wise to properly stretch and care for the lumbar region of his lower back.

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