Preview: Seattle Mariners (15-18) at Pittsburgh Pirates (17-14)

USA TODAY Sports

Aaron Harang looks like a Pirate. He looks like both a Pirate and a pirate. He looks like one who robs at sea or plunders the land from the sea without commission from a sovereign nation. It's not difficult to envision Harang with a bandana tight around his skull, a tricorne hats on his head, parrot on his shoulder, salt water and rum swirling around in his gut, facial hair unchanged. He looks like he'd be comfortable in a sturdy pair of boots and is naturally disposed towards throwing and swinging things like weapons. He has the face and physical presence of one who feasts on meats of questionable temperature and vomits a lot.

He also looks like he should be on the baseball team from Pittsburgh. This is my very scientific thesis. He feels like a Pirates kind of fifth starter. The black and yellow would suit him well. There's a certain weighted melancholy that surrounds the franchise that would sit nicely on his shoulders. Or maybe that's why he's a Mariner.

Harang will face off against James McDonald, who maybe looks like both kind of pirates also. Most baseball players have shitty facial hair and therefore are easy to envision as pirates. And McDonald already plays for the Pittsburgh baseball team, making this thought exercise all the more uncomplicated. Can you tell that this match-up is uninspiring?

McDonald has been walking a lot of batters. He's always walked a lot of batters but this season he's walking even more, to the tune of just about six per nine innings. That's way too much. The Mariners should try not swinging and see what happens. Because these are baseball Pirates not sea pirates and so being walked isn't at all dangerous or life threatening.

Time: 4:05 pm PDT
Location: PNC Park
Television: ROOT Sports

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