PEORIA - (exclusive) Felix Hernandez, Mariners ace and currently the highest-paid pitcher in baseball, has injured his throwing hand in a clubhouse incident.
Sources say Hernandez, upon reading a tweet, suddenly cried out in despair, shouting "NO! It's not true! It can't be true!" and buried his head in his hands. Concerned teammates began approaching him when he suddenly jumped up, shouting "Fuck it! Fuck you Jeff Sullivan! Fuck the Mariners! Fuck everything!" Mr. Hernandez then apparently threw off the ice pack on his right arm and started punching his locker, hard, in what sources describe as a deliberate attempt to injure himself.
Designated Clubhouse Leader Raul Ibanez quickly moved to intervene, but was unable to restrain the 6-3, 230 lb Venezuelan as he thrashed about wildly, screaming "Fuck baseball! It's not worth it anymore! It's all gone, man! It's all gone!"
Trainer Rick Griffin then jumped into the fray and administered a quick-acting sedative, which "took the fight out of him" according to descriptions of the incident.
Mr. Hernandez then collapsed into a weeping mess, mumbling, "It was all for you, Jeff! YOU were the King, YOU were! You were... MY King, Jeff. I was just the figurehead for your Kingdom of genius! Oh, how could you do this to me? How could you leave me NOW, Jeff, when we're almost there!?" etc.
"It was scary," said an anonymous source. "He just lost it, man. Never seen anybody so upset in all my life. I mean, we all know he absolutely LOVES Jeff Sullivan. Heck, we all do, I mean, Lookout Landing is required reading around here, that's no big secret. But Felix just obsessed about Jeff. He used to sit there after games hitting refresh on his phone, waiting for the recap to be posted... sometimes he'd even check the open game thread between innings, just hoping for a comment from Jeff. I guess we shouldn't be surprised he took it really hard."
"I just hope he's OK," said the source. "Jeff, I mean," clarified the source. "Obviously Felix too. I just hope Jeff is happy. That's all I want for him, really. He's just given us so much!"
Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik refused to answer questions, saying only, "Felix had an incident of a personal nature due to the loss of a longtime friend. We're evaluating his condition at this time and we'll have no further comment."
Manager Eric Wedge downplayed the incident, saying "Felix just tripped over some luggage and stuck out his hand to break his fall. It's just one of those deals. It happens. But you know what? Felix is Felix. I'm not worried. He's a fighter. Plays the game the right way. He's gonna get after it this year. Wait, I think that was last year's slogan. Whatever. Felix is fine. We're fine. We're all fine here, now."
Reporters were openly skeptical of this explanation, as it was clear that many of the minor leaguers had been crying. Murmurs of "First Jeff, now Felix? This is the worst day ever!" were clearly heard.
Yankees GM Brian Cashman is said to have expressed renewed interest in trading for Felix, who is a Cy Young Award Winner and threw a perfect game on August 15, 2012 in Seattle, while Mr. Sullivan watched.
At an impromptu press conference, Mr Cashman said, "I don't care how much he's injured, so long as the Mariners pick up the bulk of his salary for the next 7 years. We have psychologists and physical rehab people who are in New York, so obviously they're the best. We can rebuild him. We can make him better. Stronger. Faster."
Mr. Cashman went on to say, "Felix belongs here. Now that Jeff's gone, there's nothing for him in Seattle anymore."
Breaking update: The anonymous source has been outed as a "Robert Andino" of Miami, Florida. An internal investigation is underway within the Mariners organization to determine who Mr Andino is, and what he was doing in the clubhouse.