First Half In Review: Mariners Get Critical

Following in the grand LL tradition, here are the various first-half Mariners described or otherwise captured by excerpts from reviews of the movie Ted.

Dustin Ackley

The little bastard has franchise written all over him.
(source)

Blake Beavan

If you want to have a idea of what eternity is like, sitting through this [...] waiting for it to end gives you a good taste of it.
(source)

Mike Carp

[...]for there's nothing here that will change any detractors' minds.
(source)

Steve Delabar

The story is a comic book fantasy.
(source)

Chone Figgins

But it can't even do this right.
(source)

Charlie Furbush

"It's a Christmas miracle!" declares John's mom. "Like baby Jesus!"
(source)

Franklin Gutierrez

[...]it stops even really registering that he's not "there".
(source)

Felix Hernandez

We don’t expect to feel so much love [...] We’re supposed to be too cynical and jaded for that.
(source)

Ichiro

He's an example of flawless CGI, a computer generated character that integrates seamlessly into the action.
(source)

Hisashi Iwakuma

[...]a terminally uneven and barely-passable debut[...]
(source)

John Jaso

"I wish you could really talk to me, because then we could be friends forever" [...]
(source)

Munenori Kawasaki

One anticipates a comic let-down somewhere along the line but it never happens.
(source)

Shawn Kelley

To his credit, he succeeds.
(source)

Josh Kinney

[...]we have no problem accepting him as a living, breathing entity[...]
(source)

Brandon League

It left me, however, fantasising of ways to go back in time, Lost style[...]
(source)

Alex Liddi

[...]I came to the conclusion that it's getting a little old.
(source)

Lucas Luetge

[...] would be hot stuff for a season, then dwindle to a curiosity, then be forgotten.
(source)

Kevin Millwood

For starters, the overall plot is pretty standard.
(source)

Jesus Montero

Apparently, we'll have to wait on that.
(source)

Hector Noesi

Honestly: This is a smug, nasty little number.
(source)

Miguel Olivo

[...]it isn’t much of anything. It’s the sip of water a stand-up comedian takes between jokes, leaving the audience to twiddle their thumbs as they wait for the next one. This wouldn’t be such a problem if these sips were few and far between, but they’re not.
(source)

Carlos Peguero

[...]he's cartoonishly muscled for someone who supposedly just jerks around all the time.
(source)

Oliver Perez

So how does this make any sense?
(source)

Stephen Pryor

To tell you the truth, I guess I was expecting the plot to be a bit more fresh[...]
(source)

Erasmo Ramirez

Unfortunately this puts it in the mediocre middle; not exceptional, but not horrible.
(source)

Brendan Ryan

Wouldn't talk show hosts have him on their programs as a regular guest?
(source)

Michael Saunders

This is how fantasy should be done more often: not much awe or terror, just "Oh, okay, that's sort of cool" until a shinier media fixation comes along.
(source)

Kyle Seager

[...]works better than it has any right to, and when it hits, it tends to hit big[...]
(source)

George Sherrill

A Plush Bear Stuffed With Crap.
(source)

Justin Smoak

You shall be disappointed by what you find.
(source)

Jason Vargas

Once the story is setup, the rest of the plot [...] feels very, very familiar.
(source)

Casper Wells

He never drifts into being just a little gimmicky person; his plush toy nature remains an important element of his character throughout.
(source)

Tom Wilhelmsen

Plus, you'll find it doesn't wear out its welcome and it has a surprising amount of heart.
(source)

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