Remember when our word of the day was "cumshaw"? That was great fun, for reasons immature. Today's word of the day is "fard", and this will also be great fun, for reasons immature. "Fard" can function as a noun or as a verb, and here are its two definitions:
1. facial cosmetics.
2. to apply cosmetics to (the face).
Watch what you can do if you have a girlfriend or a wife!
Friend: You guys almost ready?
You: Lady's just farding in the bathroom.
You: Do you feel uncomfortable?
You: Do you not want to go out?
You: Do you need to fard?
Completely legitimate! Sort of. The lady probably won't know what you mean and she'll think you're just making fart jokes, but that's the very magic of it. You're making fart jokes, and you're being serious at the same time. Educated juvenility!
Now for the attempted example sentence having to do with the Mariners:
While the Mariners reliably put on a good show for the home opener, it's all but fard on an otherwise unappealing package.
What I'm going for here is the whole lipstick-on-a-pig expression. Personally I would never put lipstick on a pig, unless I was drawing.