Mariners Embarrass Seattle, Forced to Relocate to Detroit

MARINERS (7-10) Δ Ms TIGERS (10-6) EDGE
HITTING (wOBA) -24.4 (29th) -9.2 -8.5 (24th) Detroit
FIELDING 3.4 (10th) -0.9 -12.1 (25th) Seattle
ROTATION (tRA) 6.4 (6th) -2.9 12.7 (4th) Detroit
BULLPEN (tRA) -5.8 (28th) 1.9 1.5 (11th) Detroit
OVERALL(RAA) -20.4 (28th) -11.1 -6.3 (17th) DETROIT
Explainer

It feels like August to me. In part that's the weather from the past weekend talking. If there existed a platonic version of a Seattle summer weekend, it would come close to looking like last's. The other part comes from how this weekend's slate of Mariners games made me feel. Apathetic, mostly. Uninterested, bored, pick a synonym.

I didn't watch the Philip Humber perfect game. I didn't listen to it or follow it either. Instead I spent the day at Husky Fest and then watching hockey and then in the company of friends pointedly avoiding discussing the Mariners. However, I was made aware that it happened and upon investigating, I also noticed that Miguel Olivo started the game at catcher. Against a right-handed pitcher and in a day game following a night game that he also started, albeit at DH.

I objectively know full well that I don't have all the information that Eric Wedge has and thus there may be reasons that he had to start Olivo that, thus explained to me, I would part in acknowledgement and agreement with Wedge's decision. That possibility exists. I don't think it likely. I think it exceedingly unlikely. I think Eric Wedge has "his guys" and he's decided Miguel is one of those even though Olivo is not — better not be — on the Mariners come 2013. I think there are a number of reasons that Wedge prefers Olivo. I think most of them are bad and/or wrong. I no longer care how well he performs at other aspects of his managerial job, I want Eric Wedge fired.

You piss me off enough, Mariners, with the quality of your play. I'm not going to take you irritating me in extra ways too. Instead, I'm going to spend more days like I did Saturday — avoiding you.

And I'm not going to be feel even a tiny bit guilty about it.

Tue 24 Apr 16:05

JASON VARGAS* MAX SCHERZER

In the wake of Philip Humber's perfect game, it was noted in many places that his was the 21st perfect game in baseball history. What a dumb list that actually is. You know who's not on that list? Harvey Haddix and his start that was perfect for 33% longer than needed by Philip Humber and 20 others. Nor is Pedro Martinez and his 1995 start that was perfect through nine innings. Those two starts don't count on the list because the hitters couldn't score either pitcher a single run in regulation. That's stupid. It's so arbitrary and dumb.

Wed 25 Apr 16:05

FELIX HERNANDEZ ADAM WILK*

Adam Wilk is making only his third career Major League start. He so far has just nine innings pitched out of the rotation. He faces the Seattle Mariners offense and the even more crippled version they run out there against left-handers. Felix Hernandez has to rely on that offense for support while battling off Prince Fielder and Miguel Cabrera.

Thu 26 Apr 10:05

HECTOR NOESI RICK PORCELLO

Rick Porcello has definitely failed to achieve what was expected of him when he was drafted in 2007, but he's still only 23-years-old. Working against that simplistic dismissal is that Porcello has been fairly static in his performance across over three years now of Major League service. He's shown mixed levels of development, but lacks any clear overall upward trends.

Series Beer: Goose Island Bourbon County Stout
At 14.5% alcohol by volume, this is a heavy beer which can help make those interminable Mariners games more tolerable. Except wait, no it won't because just like those ungraspable dingers, this beer was once available in Seattle, but appears to no longer be for sale. Frickin' figures.

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