Agnomen

Every Friday afternoon is like this. Every single one of them. It's a regular, productive day, then it hits two or two-thirty, and everything shuts down. My brain shuts down. My body shuts down, such that I'm typing right now only thanks to an elaborate system of pulleys rigged and controlled by a neighbor. Come Friday afternoon, I'm a towel on a chair. I can be moved around, and I can be looked at, but I'm sure as shit not looking back, because I'm a towel.

I figure this happens because the workweek is draining. Makes sense on some level. But it doesn't make sense why I wouldn't have made an adjustment. The workweek isn't over yet. During baseball season you could argue the workweek is never over. Why haven't I developed more mental and physical stamina? Is it the rest of the Internet that's bringing me down? The rest of the Internet shuts down every Friday afternoon.

The important thing is that today I'm going to teach you about the word "agnomen" even though I can't think or move. Agnomen's one of those words with a very specific definition and a more general definition, and given that the very specific definition has to do with ancient Rome, that's not the one we're going to work with. We're going to work with the easy one. Here's the easy one:

2. a nickname.

Bam! So easy. If you're curious, here's the specific one:

1. an additional, fourth name given to a person by the ancient Romans in allusion to some achievement or other circumstance, as "Africanus" in "Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus."

Very interesting. Not all that useful, especially if you're trying to talk about baseball. So here's an example sentence, using the first definition:

I'm probably being biased when I say that "King" Felix is the best agnomen in baseball, but it's not my fault no one's nicknamed "Shitlips".

Think about it. Ryan "Shitlips" Ludwick. Cory "Shitlips" Luebke. Daric "Shitlips" Barton. The best nickname is out there. Someone just has to take it, or get stuck with it, depending on your perspective.

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