You may not know who Brad Miller is, because you probably have a friend named Brad Miller, and so you're confused and you think I'm talking about your friend. I'm not, I'm talking about Brad Miller, Seattle Mariners GHitUofP (Greatest Hitter in the Universe of the Present).

After 5 games for some teams in some leagues and other amounts of games for other teams, Brad Miller has proven that he is the greatest hitter in the universe. Miller has played in all five games for Mariners A+ affiliate High Desert. In 26 plate appearances, he’s got 3 walks, 3 singles, 2 doubles, 2 triples, and 4 homeruns. That works out to a slash line of .478/.538/1.261, an OPS of 1.799, a wOBA of .810 and a wRC+ of 413. Here is a list of the baseball players anywhere in the universe, who also happen to play for minor league team affiliates of MLB teams, who have OPSed above 1.7 so far this year.

1. Brad Miller, High Desert Mavericks (SEA) 1.799 (5 games)

2. Cody Johnson, Trenton Thunder (NYY) 1.768 (3 games)

Some people might argue that Miller is bound to regress, seeing as how 5 games is not enough of a sample size to predict future outcomes. But those people are a bunch of hacks who don’t do their research. Miller has already regressed! Just yesterday morning, his slash line was .500/.571/1.500, but after going a positively Cody Johnsonesque 2-5 with two singles yesterday, Miller has already regressed down to his usual self.

Other people might say that Brad Miller has benefited from a positive run environment. But those people are just fucking idiot buzzkills who nobody wants to hang out with and who are probably afraid to wear striped ties with striped shirts under striped suits.

Let’s compare Miller to the best major league shortstop so far this year:

1. Brad Miller 1.799 OPS

2. Zack Cozart 1.563 OPS

Now let’s compare Brad Miller to all seasons of all playing-time-qualified major leaguers ever, anywhere in the universe:

1. Brad Miller 1.799 OPS (over 5 games in 2012)

2. Evan Longoria 1.792 OPS (over 3 games in 2012)

…

8. Babe Ruth 1.382 OPS (over 142 games in 1920)*

*Ruth’s OPS was put up during a time in which players only played 154 games. Because the seasons were shorter, it was a lot easier to put up a higher OPS over a full season**. So…that guy sucks.

**Ruth's supporters sometimes liked to use Ruth's shorter season schedule as an excuse to draw a bunch of asterisks all over everyone else's records. I don't think that Ruth's supporters considered the possibility of this Fanpost when they made that argument. Take that, bad-planning Ruth supporters!

Let’s compare Miller’s OPS to the growth in real GDP in the United States in 2011:

1. Brad Miller OPS 1.799

2. 2011 U.S. % Growth in Real GDP 1.7

After reading all of these statistics, you might be thinking that there is no room for improvement in Brad Miller's OPS. You are wrong. Let's compare Miller's OPS to Pi:

1. π 3.142

2. Brad Miller OPS 1.799

Brad Miller is off to an excellent start. I suppose it is possible that he does not keep this up, but even if he goes 0fer his next 200 plate appearances, he will have an OPS above the percentage real GDP growth rate in the United States in 2008 and 2009, combined! So, you know, when you’re perusing minor league box scores, don't just look at Jackson in 3 out of every 5 days. It may also be worthwhile to check out High Desert box scores and The Wall Street Journal.

It may be a small sample size in a bandbox, but it's the best small sample in in a bandbox in the universe.