Mariners Bringing Top-Quality DH To Safeco Field

a desolate landscape

The winter meetings are a time for teams to announce that they're making improvements. On Tuesday, the Seattle Mariners announced that they're making improvements -- to your personal fan experience! We knew that the Mariners were moving in the fences and we knew that the Mariners were bringing in a comically gigantic new video board, but when those things were announced, we were told there was still more in store. Now we know about Edgar's, pictured above. Quote:

“Edgar’s”, a new open air restaurant celebrating Edgar Martinez, will open at Safeco Field in 2013.

The space was made available by the moving of the fences. The fences aren't actually being moved by all that much, so I can only imagine that Edgar's will basically occupy a very narrow open-air hallway, which will be charitably advertised as "intimate". "Rub shoulders with Edgar Martinez, literally, sometimes" could be a slogan of theirs, for the times that Edgar visits the location. When he does so, and when a frustrated heckler nearby asks if there's a hitter in the house, one could reply "sort of". That is probably enough quotation marks for a paragraph.

Edgar's will serve food and alcohol and each will have flavors that will probably be advertised as distinctive even though most of us don't have particularly refined palates, nor the breadth of knowledge to understand what's original and what's more ordinary. It will probably not be the Edgar Martinez of restaurants, but then that's not really a criticism since the Edgar Martinez of restaurants would be phenomenal and nationally underrated. The Edgar Martinez of restaurants would also have to overcome a crippling handicap, like, I don't know, a chronically malfunctioning oven, or no walls. Every winter it would receive underwhelming reviews from people who don't know nearly as much about food as they would like to believe.

Based on the animated image, the Mariners anticipate that Edgar's will be sparsely populated, yet infinitely more populated than the rest of the ballpark. Having the perfect game line on the scoreboard is a nice little touch, since remember how Felix Hernandez threw a perfect game, at home, last season, against a good team? Given the location of the restaurant it could've alternatively been called Kenji's but then that would start a whole slippery slope. "Welcome to Brendan's, the on-field restaurant that's just an infield fly away!" That could get in the way of things, but if Houston has a slope, what isn't possible?

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