The Seattle Mariners and Their Seattle Mariner Equivalents

by katal on Aug 27, 2011 7:56 PM PDT

Between Felix's sustained dominance, Pineda and Ackley proving to be everything we hoped they would be, and the acquisition of young players like Trayvon Robinson and Casper Wells, this has been a pretty fun season! It seems like everywhere you go, you hear people talkin' Mariners! In honor of this 2011 Mariner squad, I thought I'd look at which Mariners best represent the members of our fair team.

Brendan Ryan = Brendan Ryan. Remember the days of old Yuniesky Betancourt as our shortstop? Brendan Ryan, with his grit, awareness and athleticism is the polar opposite. We haven't seen a player like him since Brendan Ryan. Both Ryan and Ryan exhibit the basic qualities every fan expects from the shortstop position, but the similarities don't end there. You can tell how much both of them love the game, and don't forget... they both had a 'stache!

Miguel Olivo = Miguel Olivo. Miguel Olivo seems to have found a doppelganger in Miguel Olivo. Miguel can hit for power, but struggles to get on base. This is a lot like Miguel Olivo, who slugged 16 home runs in 2011, yet also claimed a .270 wOBA. Both men are known for being tough catchers, and despite the occasional difficulty, have still been a welcome change from Rob Johnson.

Brandon League = Brandon League. Brandon and Brandon have experience as set-up men as well as closers, have a remarkably similar pitching repertoire, and even have the same tattoos!

Jamey Wright = Jamey Wright. A 36-year old journeyman who came to the Mariners, had early success but ultimately produced a negative WAR? Exactly. Jamie Wright is Jamie Wright.

Jason Vargas = Jason Vargas. Forget that both players previously played on the Marlins and Mets. Forget that both were originally after-thoughts in multi-team trades that brought Franklin Gutierrez to the Seattle Mariners. Both men are lefties who stepped up on Father's Day to shutout Philadelphia. It's eery how much Jason Vargas is Jason Vargas.

Justin Smoak = Justin Smoak. Brought over in the Cliff Lee trade, Justin Smoak has been many things to many people: our team's savior, a bust, an argument as to why Zduriencik should be resigned or fired. In my mind, he's been Justin Smoak. Smoak, too, had a disappointing 2011 season, both due to his individual struggles and by how brightly his other young teammates shined in comparison. Of course, no one wants Justin Smoak to hit as poorly as Justin Smoak has, so I truly hope history proves me wrong with this one.

Mike Carp = Mike Carp. While studying Carp's 2011 stats, I noticed they looked familiar. See if you can tell which line is by which ballplayer:

.299/.358/.483

You're forgiven if you got them backwards, but the first belongs to Mike Carp, while the second is Mike Carp's. Pretty similar, aren't they!

Franklin Gutierrez = Franklin Gutierrez. When all the talk happened about Guti being diagnosed with IBS, I was surprised that no one made the connection to Franklin Gutierrez, who also had IBS. Of course, the congruences don't end there. Both played an excellent center field for the Mariners in 2009, and even started their careers in Cleveland!

Kyle Seager = Kyle Seager. We all know that Kyle Seager played with Dustin Ackley in little league and college, but did you know that Kyle Seager did too? It's true! Right down to playing third base for the Mariners, these two guys have an awful lot in common.

I think that's most of 'em! Thanks for reading, and feel free to add your own below!

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Comments

I cannot recall a better fanpost

by Poochie on Aug 28, 2011 7:52 AM PDT reply actions 5 recs

This is by far the best executed horrible idea I have ever seen

Well done, sir

Determined, Jonesing Commentor

by Corco on Aug 28, 2011 8:56 AM PDT reply actions 13 recs

This is genius on ice

my site

by Dewey N on Aug 28, 2011 9:48 AM PDT reply actions 3 recs

I hope this now signals the death of any and all "Mariners as...." posts

by pdb on Aug 28, 2011 10:36 AM PDT reply actions

It may devastatingly spawn "The Tacoma Rainiers and their Rainier Equivalents"

"Satisfaction is the enemy of success." SanFranPreps Twitter: @d_quazzo

by perfectstrat on Aug 28, 2011 12:58 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

Sadly we reached that point

by Poochie on Aug 28, 2011 6:48 PM PDT up reply actions

But only because LL chose to make a big deal out of a non-issue

Determined, Jonesing Commentor

by Corco on Aug 28, 2011 6:54 PM PDT up reply actions 15 recs

This might be the best FanPost in Lookout Landing history

by seattlebruin on Aug 28, 2011 11:37 AM PDT reply actions 5 recs

This is kind of dickish.

by thehemogoblin on Aug 28, 2011 11:46 AM PDT reply actions 30 recs

You people don't appreciate the execution, comedic timing and the dead cat bounce of the meme this fanpost provided if that's all you take from it

Grow a thicker skin, damn. Nobody can have any fun around here anymore.

by OlSalty on Aug 28, 2011 7:13 PM PDT up reply actions 10 recs

...

Grow a thicker skin, damn. Nobody can have any fun around here anymore.

The exact same complaint could be made with regards to reaction to the original fanpost.

by redwolf75 on Aug 28, 2011 7:37 PM PDT up reply actions 13 recs

The complaint with the first post was that the premise was unoriginal

Nobody’s feelings were getting hurt so, no, the same complaint couldn’t be made.

by Captain Peppernuts on Aug 28, 2011 8:01 PM PDT up reply actions

No it couldn't have

If your definition of fun is actively destroying Jeff’s material with imitation that’s not the kind of fun we want, and something needs to be said to that effect, whether that was the intention or not (which it wasn’t). That might be fun for a few people, (judging from the passive aggressive rec wars), but it’s fun at the expense of greater fun for everyone, and that’s a losing proposition for LL. I’m pretty sure HF got the point a while ago, but he was not the only person who has done this by a loooongshot, I hope he can appreciate that it is mild teasing to make a larger point everyone needs to understand and not a “we don’t like you personally and want to make you feel bad” kind of thing, that’s not the case. That’s the way I took it, anyways.

by OlSalty on Aug 28, 2011 8:36 PM PDT up reply actions

It's hard to not see it as a direct response to what I did, but...

that being said:
1. I see the point of it is larger than just me
2. This fanpost is really clever. I rec’d it immediately.
3. I don’t take anything too personally on the internet.
4. I’m still happy with the actual content of my fanpost, and that some people liked it.

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on Aug 28, 2011 8:50 PM PDT up reply actions 20 recs

I didn't appreciate the execution, comedic timing or dead cat bounce of the meme.

But it’s not because I have “thin” skin. It just wasn’t worth appreciating.

But hey, maybe I missed something.

by brayden04 on Aug 28, 2011 7:38 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

I think you also have to appreciate punchline denial as a form of punchline in itself

But to each their own.

by OlSalty on Aug 28, 2011 8:44 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

This fanpost was really unecessary.

He took enough abuse in the other fanpost, people should have just let it die or continue there.

by Patrick Stites on Aug 28, 2011 7:40 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

There are two ways to look at this. One is the way you are choosing to view it, as a direct response to Humbled Fan.

The other is a more broad view. I see this as a response to all Fanposts, a parody of the parodies. It’s pretty narrow to say that Katal wrote this intending to be offensive toward Humbled Fan. To me, I see this as a way of saying through parody that the stuff Jeff does is really funny but the greater the number of derivatives it spurs the less funny it is, eventually cauterizing a line of humor. While it is the nature of the internet to beat things into the ground, I think Katal is saying that we should try to avoid doing that with Jeff’s work here.

In point of fact, Humbled Fan’s Fanpost wasn’t the only thing like that this week as someone did something elsewhere in the Mariners blogosphere of the same line. It turns out it is possible to be lightly critical of an individual work while trying to demonstrate a broader message.

by abender20 on Aug 28, 2011 8:03 PM PDT up reply actions 11 recs

Couldn't have written it better myself.

Although I’d like to particularly make the point that I meant no offense toward Humbled Fan (Or Taylor, at ProBall NW). I generally like them both. The satire was entirely directed toward the (now hopefully dead) meme.

by katal on Aug 28, 2011 8:17 PM PDT up reply actions

I knew what katal's intent most likely was, but the timing of it was poor and came off as a jab at HF's post, even though it was seemingly in jest.

It then had several responses that continued in a mocking fashion of this type of post, which like I said, was unnecessary. I have lost interest in Proball NW, so I had no idea it was done over there, which just adds to my point as you can’t assume everyone knows what’s posted on all the Mariner blogs, even though that is also one of the major ones.

by Patrick Stites on Aug 28, 2011 9:05 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

He hardly took any abuse at all

A few people, myself included, were critical and poked fun, but were not abusive. Humbled Fan took the criticism with a reasonable amount of grace and defended his work, and even poked fun back. Story over. I don’t see what the problem is. I’ll come out and say the reason I love this one and did not like the other, was that I felt the first one was like a lackluster copy of the original, while this one adds something new. It simultaneously pays homage to and makes fun of the original.

If you write a creative piece and post it on a public forum, you are looking for a response and opening yourself to criticism. Are we only allowed to return opinions that are congratulatory? If so, then what is the point? Why aspire to make a original, memorable, contribution when anything consisting of a few hundred words will automatically be solely met with positive feedback? I am all for being civil (and lord knows I have room to improve in that department) but I don’t understand why so many feel that everyone who tries is entitled to such praise.

by Poochie on Aug 28, 2011 10:50 PM PDT up reply actions 14 recs

I said "kind of."

Whether or not it was intended to call out Humbled Fan (I’m certain it wasn’t), it ended up doing so. I understand what he was doing here, but I didn’t like the effect it had.

by thehemogoblin on Aug 28, 2011 8:22 PM PDT up reply actions

But hilariously dickish.

I like using semi-colons; they make me feel smart.

by Llewdor on Aug 29, 2011 9:50 AM PDT up reply actions 4 recs

This is my favorite user generated content in LL history.

by Robert on Aug 28, 2011 12:14 PM PDT via mobile reply actions 6 recs

Absolutely brilliant.

"Satisfaction is the enemy of success." SanFranPreps Twitter: @d_quazzo

by perfectstrat on Aug 28, 2011 12:58 PM PDT reply actions 3 recs

I love you

by OlSalty on Aug 28, 2011 2:22 PM PDT reply actions 4 recs

Meh.

I didn’t enjoy the Mariners as movies post, but I liked it more than this.

Just seems….needlessly jackassy.

For lack of a better word.

by brayden04 on Aug 28, 2011 5:00 PM PDT reply actions 4 recs

Meh.

I enjoyed Olsalty’s comment more than this.

by katal on Aug 28, 2011 7:08 PM PDT up reply actions 7 recs

Haha.

See that was funny.

by brayden04 on Aug 28, 2011 7:31 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

I think this would have been better if you changed one Mariner to someone else.

by joof on Aug 28, 2011 5:38 PM PDT reply actions 5 recs

The first time I read it I was on the lookout for the one difference/punchline.

At the end, I was just disappointed.

by VivaAyala on Aug 28, 2011 8:30 PM PDT up reply actions 7 recs

I wish I could have done this to myself.

Pretty good.

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on Aug 28, 2011 8:35 PM PDT reply actions

A connection to your fan post didn't cross my mind until I read the comment thread

I enjoyed both, and if this one was stepping off of yours then it’s a win all around, as far as I’m concerned. Or maybe not for everyone, but I was happy twice in quick succession, which doesn’t happen much since I turned 18, so it’s a win for me.

by Kermit. on Aug 28, 2011 9:10 PM PDT up reply actions 14 recs

You are my favorite person.

...and now I'm here

by CapSea on Aug 28, 2011 9:15 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

Kermit for America!

by joof on Aug 28, 2011 11:36 PM PDT up reply actions 2 recs

If I might weigh in here.

About 155, maybe 160 after a big meal.

...and now I'm here

by CapSea on Aug 28, 2011 9:13 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

Hey, a butcher weighs 185 pounds after eating breakfast. What does he weigh all day long?

Meat

by Kermit. on Aug 28, 2011 9:16 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

Hey you could get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there.

But wouldn’t you rather take his word for it?

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on Aug 28, 2011 9:56 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

Riddles might be the new thing. Unless you consider puns a riddle, and that I'm thinking about it they might be a form of a riddle

Terribly confusing issue

by Kermit. on Aug 28, 2011 10:02 PM PDT up reply actions

I hate to get riddled with a bunch of puns.

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on Aug 28, 2011 10:14 PM PDT up reply actions

Well that idea lasted for 12 minutes before you killed it

What’s next on your agenda? Christmas?

by Kermit. on Aug 28, 2011 10:45 PM PDT up reply actions

In my defense, I am an idiot.

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on Aug 29, 2011 8:27 AM PDT up reply actions

You guys are getting so worked up over katal's post here. But what about the post by katal?

Isn’t this getting ignored? Because the main points of this fanpost were also discussed in a post by katal at 7:56 on Aug 27, 2011. If you look through their histories as users, they are actually very similar.

"Perhaps the worst comment I've ever seen on LL." - sanford_and_son.

by Ride the Apocalypse on Aug 28, 2011 10:19 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs

I think I'm going to stop reading all Fanposts.

How come you can do all this other great shit, but you can't lie the fuck down and sleep?

by JAH on Aug 28, 2011 10:26 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs

Aww =(

...and now I'm here

by CapSea on Aug 28, 2011 11:06 PM PDT up reply actions

I for one, didn't get the joke until I read a few comments.

RIP Dave Niehaus.

by Goose on Aug 28, 2011 11:26 PM PDT reply actions

I would like to submit two cents on the moderation/fanpost issue:

I think this fanpost was fine. Not funny, but I certainly wouldn’t want to discourage katal from writing more just because it wasn’t my thing. The same goes for Humbled Fan’s piece.
In general, I don’t care for criticism that says “this fanpost was unnecessary and/or unappreciated”. I enjoy reading the vast majority of what is written here, with the exclusion of those posts that took 2 minutes to write, which is the only occasion where I like to see that kind of absolute criticism. I hope that LL is a place that encourages people to write about the Mariners. I am more than willing to accept the inconvenience of reading some stuff I don’t think is very good, in exchange for the opportunity to read things that are great. It doesn’t bother me that some of the formats or styles are borrowed, as long as the material itself is original.
I hope that both sexy and fugly people alike agree with me.

by Lanky on Aug 29, 2011 1:15 PM PDT reply actions 8 recs

Brilliance.

by flashbeak on Aug 29, 2011 2:04 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs

My favorite part of all this is how everybody is playing mod here but Jeff and Matthew haven't actually said a thing.

RIP Dave Niehaus.

by Goose on Aug 29, 2011 8:37 PM PDT reply actions

Who is playing mod?

I can’t ever remember Jeff or Matthew expressing that a FanPost was the best FanPost in LL history or anything similar, really

by seattlebruin on Aug 29, 2011 9:11 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

LL is a community and, as Matthew stated somewhere on LL within the last two weeks, a Community Watch is something they encourage.

Why must you always turn discussions on principles of the community into accusations of LLmpropriety or conspiracy?

by abender20 on Aug 30, 2011 5:48 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

A quick CTL-F search indicates that no one in this thread used the word ban, box, flag, or warn.

I sincerely don’t see anyone attempting to act the moderator. On the contrary, people are disagreeing while still managing to be remarkably polite to one another.

by katal on Aug 30, 2011 6:20 AM PDT up reply actions

The benefit of reasonable discourse

"Satisfaction is the enemy of success." SanFranPreps Twitter: @d_quazzo

by perfectstrat on Aug 30, 2011 10:40 AM PDT up reply actions

I don't really have a dog in this fight but having been a mod at Dawgman for years

telling someone what not to post is kind of the definition of playing moderator.

by dnc on Aug 30, 2011 12:14 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

People are merely repeating the preferences and rules for posting Jeff and Matthew have stated in the past

They have other things to do and would prefer to let the community police itself if at all possible but when people turn it into an us vs. them thing because the people doing it aren’t official moderators that becomes difficult. Like someone else said, HF handled this extremely well, and the community policing wasn’t too mean-spirited, so it appeared the system had worked, then lots of uninvolved people who had a bone to pick decided to make it all about the way this place gets moderated once again.

For the purposes of this system it doesn’t matter if people aren’t mods as long as they are accurately representing what the actual moderators want in their stead. The reason the reguLLars tend to do it most is because we might be more familiar with what kind of posting Jeff and Matthew are trying to encourage than others because we have been around for so long on a pretty much daily basis. As for me personally, I try to explain the reasoning behind the rules so people understand why it’s better to follow them than to not rather than just telling people what to do, not because I am on some kind of power trip. Again, I’m mostly just repeating what J & M have said before numerous times.

by OlSalty on Aug 30, 2011 2:02 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

I wonder if there would be less debate if the critic pointed to a specific statement from Jeff or Matthew.

Including a link should at least reduce how much you have to “explain yourself”.

I think at the end of the day this will always be an issue, though. Jeff and Matthew have asked for help, but from reading your comments I think I can safely say that you and I disagree on how much help is best for the community. I imagine there are a whole range of opinions on that, in fact. And the issue only seems to come up that some LLers would like to see these more fringe-y transgressions left to J & M. As I think some said in the other fanpost, they would have preferred if nothing at all was said to Humbled, even if it was done delicately. So we’re left with a situation where some reguLLars would like to help J & M, while others would like to encourage work like Humbled’s post.

One more thought: you said “the system worked”, but I think that’s the question. Did it work? If it discourages more posts like Humbled I think half of us would say “yes it did” and the other half would say “no it didn’t”.

by Lanky on Aug 30, 2011 3:38 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

And heyyyy I wonder which half would be right

by seattlebruin on Aug 30, 2011 3:51 PM PDT up reply actions

Is it whatever half you agree with? Is that what we should all take away from this contribution?

Because I really don’t understand why you would be so confident you know best.

by Lanky on Aug 30, 2011 4:10 PM PDT up reply actions

This is not rule by popular opinion

It doesn’t matter if half of you disagree, it’s not your blog. It’s not mine either, but I’m pretty familiar with what the people who run the blog do want and I really like to help them out. I’m pretty sure they like it when I help as well otherwise I wouldn’t do it. So half of us are right and half of us are wrong if that is the case. The half that is wrong needs to stop being so pissy about being corrected a little and turning it into a big fight any time someone lifts the slightest finger to tell someone to cool it or not post a certain type of thing. You have a right to get upset if people are overly dickish about getting the message out, I’ll cop to that, we had a problem with that before and I think we have all done a pretty good job of not doing it too much anymore. But you don’t have a right to dictate what is acceptable just because some other posters agree with you.

by OlSalty on Aug 30, 2011 7:01 PM PDT up reply actions 2 recs

I don't know if you didn't read my comment or just didn't understand it, but I think you missed my point.

I don’t think it’s a democracy. I just thought the difference of opinion suggested that perhaps the issue wasn’t as cut-and-dried as you do. No one is “being pissy”. Well, maybe you are now. My comment was strictly about encouraging good writing. I don’t care about the tone of the message, I care about whether the message is necessary at all.

“But you don’t have a right to dictate what is acceptable just because some other posters agree with you.” This is such an absurd straw man. Nothing in my comments on this have been remotely close to what you’re accusing me of. I think I pretty clearly stated that I thought that posts like Humbled’s piece should be left up to Jeff and Matthew.

Now that Matthew has rec’d your comment, though, I guess the obvious conclusion is that he agrees with you. So lesson learned for me. A disappointment, as I think LL can only be the worse for it, but obviously it’s there decision to make. At least I won’t know what I’m missing.

by Lanky on Aug 31, 2011 9:03 AM PDT up reply actions 3 recs

The whole point is that the reguLLar community has been here for a long time

and that we have a pretty good idea what Jeff and Matthew do and do not approve of. They’ve made it clear that they don’t want to spend their lives policing LL, and good for them – they should be allowed to have lives outside of this blog. Because of this, the community has to take it upon ourselves to police, and in order to try and maintain some semblance of the quality of LL in the past, we have every intention of doing so.

by seattlebruin on Aug 31, 2011 9:31 AM PDT up reply actions 2 recs