FanPost

Mariners Hitters as Movies

I guess boredom really set in for me today.  I don't even remember how my idea to do this started, and it only just happened about an hour ago.  What started out as "I wonder how I could compare the Mariners situation at third base to a movie" has turned into this.  Whether that will turn into a regrettable decision or not has yet to be seen.  If it is regrettable, it's because I've poured some of my own opinions in movies into what you'll see below.  And if there's one thing I've learned about movies, it's that everyone has their own opinion and sometimes that opinion is strong. 

People get really offended if you hate a movie they like, but people get even more offended if you like a movie they hate.  Nevertheless, I took a leap of faith and created the following list.  I hope you like it and that it kills 10 minutes of your work day with some enjoyment, or at least with blind hatred entertainment.

Miguel Olivo - Howard the Duck

I remember being younger and liking this.  I don't remember a lot about it, but in my memory it actually had some good moments and at times did some good things.  Then as I got older and re-visited it, it turned out to be much worse than I remembered and then it turns out that all adults hate it and see it as terrible.  If you're youthful and watching with just big eyes of excitement, you'll get joy because on the surface it seems perfectly acceptable.  But once you mature and look again, you'll realize how dumb you were for ever liking it in the first place. 

Justin Smoak - War of the Worlds

All the elements are there to make this highly anticipated before first viewing.  You know it's got to be good and definitively this shouldn't disappoint in entertaining you.  At times, you really are taken aback and think "Yeah, this is excellent and lives up to my expectations" but then it starts to slow down and then all of sudden it's stopped.  You still know all the elements are there to make this good, and you've enjoyed watching it, but the more you watch it the less impressed you are.  Still, if you go without watching it for 6 months, you'll watch it again if its on, and you'll go into it thinking "I'm going to be entertained"

Dustin Ackley - Super 8

It just came out this year and you knew it was going to be good.  Maybe if anything you went into it thinking "I can only be disappointed, because it just seems like its got all the tools to be great.  So I have nowhere to go but down from here."  Then you watch it and you're potentially more impressed than you thought you'd be.  It reminds you of some of your favorites from the 80s and 90s.  When you were just a kid and gives you that tingly feeling all over again.  Even at times when it drags, it still impresses you with highly attractive visuals. 

Brendan Ryan - Avatar

(I'm going to step outside the box right here and just say that I love Brendan Ryan and Avatar is a terrible movie, but hear me out)  It's not great.  It's got flaws.  The elements seem like they could be there to be much better, but ultimately there is a letdown.  However... you get an A+++ for effort.  Nobody is trying harder.  Even though you know that the end product is terrible, you'll still go see it because you like to watch it.  And don't get me wrong, half of what goes into it is very good to excellent.  That element is the part you're paying to see.  It's the other half that is average to below-average, but you're more than willing to put up with it because of the other elements that go into making this.

Chone Figgins - Any Transformers movie

Why the fuck did we put so much money into this garbage?  It sucks.

Kyle Seager - Bridesmaids

"Honey, do you want to go see Transformers?"

"Oh, sure...  Oh, looks like its sold out.  Should we go see Bridesmaids?"

"Ehh... I don't know.  Bridesmaids?"

"Come on, give it a chance."

"Okay fine"

(Leaving theater)

"Hey, that was actually pretty good.  I think I'd rather see this again before ever seeing Transformers"


Franklin Gutierrez - Heat

No matter what anyone says about it as a whole, you can always go back to that one part and say "That part kicked fucking ass"  No matter what you think about it as a whole, no matter when it drags, there's always going to be that one part that "kicked fucking ass." 

Ichiro Suzuki - The Shawshank Redemption

It's on, you watch it.  Even as the years pass, its still really good.  As time goes by, it will still be one of your favorites.  Most everyone can agree that it makes you feel great when you watch it.  The quotes are timeless.  It's so good, you only have to refer to it in one word. 

Michael Saunders/Carlos Peguero/Mike Wilson/Greg Halman - Final Destination movies

They keep rolling a new one out there, and its still the same crappy product.  But hey, at times its very entertaining.

Mike Carp - Kick-Ass

I didn't know what to expect going in.  I wasn't sure at first.  But the 2nd time around it gets better.  I look forward to seeing more from this and I hope it continues to get better with each viewing. 

Jack Cust - Grownups

I see what you were going for.  Parts of this have worked before and you thought maybe it could work again.  But that was pretty much just a failure.  Don't worry, most people will forget this ever happened. 

Milton Bradley - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Well, you kind of fucked up trying to make that work again, huh?  You should have never re-visited this.  As much as I like the character, holy shit, we didn't need that.

Adam Kennedy - Eagle Eye

I went into this expecting nothing and got more than nothing.  I didn't get much, but I got more than nothing.  Years from now, I will remember that I watched this, like "Oh yeah, I did see that" and that will be my only memory of this and I won't miss it.  But I got more than nothing.

Jack Wilson - Zack and Miri Make a Porno

You remember years ago when this guy did something good.  There's been some good sprinkled in with some bad.  Waiting for this to end though is getting painful.  Looking at this isn't visually satisfying.  Just end already.  We get that you're trying, but this just needs to end.  If we didn't like you, we would have walked out long ago. 

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