Mariners Swept By Nationals, Jim Riggleman Determines This Is As Good As It Gets

by Jeff Sullivan on Jun 23, 2011 2:50 PM PDT in Seattle Mariners Game Recaps

Pineda: /throws 89
Pineda: /throws 90
Pineda: /throws 90
Mariners fan: Oh...
Pineda: /throws 90
Mariners fan: Oh man
Pineda: /throws 92
Pineda: /throws 91
Mariners fan: No no no no no this can't be haaaappening
Glenoid, God of Labrums: /appears
Glenoid, God of Labrums: pssst
Mariners fan: AHH!
Mariners fan: You scared me!
Glenoid, God of Labrums: sorry
Mariners fan: Who are you, and what do you want?
Glenoid, God of Labrums: I am Glenoid, God of Labrums. I come to offer you a deal.
Pineda: /throws 91
Mariners fan: Yes?
Glenoid, God of Labrums: Michael Pineda is throwing much slower than usual.
Pineda: /throws 92
Mariners fan: Yes, I see that.
Glenoid, God of Labrums: This is worrisome for you.
Pineda: /throws 91
Mariners fan: It is, it really is.
Glenoid, God of Labrums: I will see to it that his shoulder is okay.
Mariners fan: Thank-
Glenoid, God of Labrums: -BUT, you must accept a loss to the Nationals in this game, completing the sweep.
Mariners fan: Yes, yes, sure, anything! Anything so Pineda is healthy!
Glenoid, God of Labrums: You accept?
Mariners fan: I accept!
Glenoid, God of Labrums: Then it will be done!
Things: /fizzle, snap, explosion noises
Glenoid, God of Labrums: /vanishes
Pineda: /throws 95
Pineda: /throws 96
Mariners fan: Thank you, Glenoid, God of Labrums!
Pineda: /throws 95
Glenoid, God of Labrums: /reappears
Glenoid, God of Labrums: btw he was fine the whole time
Mariners fan: What?
Pineda: /throws 95
Glenoid, God of Labrums: lol
Mariners fan: Why would you do that?
Glenoid, God of Labrums: Go Nationals!
Pineda: /throws 94
Mariners fan: If you can control the outcome, why even bother making a deal?
Mariners fan: If you can control the outcome, why have the Nationals lost 37 times?
Glenoid, God of Labrums: I
Laynce Nix: /game-winning sac fly
Glenoid, God of Labrums: I'm so lonely :(
Mariners fan: Get out of here!
Mariners fan: I hate you, Glenoid, God of Labrums!
Ulnar, God of Elbows: /appears
Ulnar, God of Elbows: I AM THE MIGHTY ULNAR, GOD OF
Ulnar, God of Elbows: shit wrong room
Ulnar, God of Elbows: /vanishes

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Comments

Perfect write up.

A pick-me-up perhaps.

by GriffinNW on Jun 23, 2011 2:58 PM PDT reply actions

I didn't get to watch the game today, but did Ackley swing and miss yet?

by MrFootballguy on Jun 23, 2011 2:58 PM PDT reply actions

Yes

by Bodhizefa on Jun 23, 2011 3:00 PM PDT up reply actions

Once.

Sobriety is starting to feel normal.

by Thingray on Jun 23, 2011 3:42 PM PDT up reply actions

I listened for a little bit on the radio

and was a little shocked to hear he swung and missed. I guess that’s the result of one helluva first impression.

Pro Ball NW | @JonPBNW

by JonBBT on Jun 23, 2011 3:43 PM PDT up reply actions

Just so we're clear

Glenoid, God of Labrums, is one of those really annoying dorks that actually says “lol” out loud?

by Westside guy on Jun 23, 2011 3:13 PM PDT reply actions

Jeff, have you ever thought about writing a book?

by M'sFanatic on Jun 23, 2011 3:25 PM PDT reply actions 10 recs

I fully support this.

by Kevman22 on Jun 23, 2011 4:15 PM PDT up reply actions

I would buy the Sullivan collection of short stories.

"Satisfaction is the enemy of success." SanFranPreps

by perfectstrat on Jun 23, 2011 4:21 PM PDT up reply actions

I hope Morgan Freeman does the audio book version.

by Patrick Stites on Jun 23, 2011 6:10 PM PDT up reply actions

Or Sam Jackson.

How come you can do all this other great shit, but you can't lie the fuck down and sleep?

by JAH on Jun 23, 2011 7:23 PM PDT up reply actions

I would appreciate LLers stop trying to give Jeff ideas of things to do other than contribute on this fine website.

...and now I'm here

by CapSea on Jun 23, 2011 7:24 PM PDT up reply actions 14 recs

I've discovered the true value of the game recap.

It makes today’s loss seem like yesterday’s. I’m already on to the next game.

Cake for me too, please.

by shams on Jun 23, 2011 3:25 PM PDT reply actions

Well now the Mariners are the second best team in baseball and the Nationals are first.

by JamMasterJesus on Jun 23, 2011 3:26 PM PDT reply actions

Imagine the media

AND entire country complaining if the two played in the World Series!

by freekfrogg on Jun 23, 2011 4:37 PM PDT up reply actions

It would be a battle for Washington name rights once and for all.

by JamMasterJesus on Jun 23, 2011 5:10 PM PDT up reply actions

Only if they didn't have to play half the games in the Baltimore/DC area.

by msb on Jun 23, 2011 8:16 PM PDT up reply actions

And World Series virgins!

by yuniform on Jun 24, 2011 11:18 AM PDT up reply actions

That actually made me feel better

by OlMuckyTerraHawk on Jun 23, 2011 3:27 PM PDT reply actions

Mental gymnastics

would I make a deal to have a healthy Pineda for this loss? Absolutely. So then I just think ‘wow, now I’m glad that Pineda is healthy and still going strong. who cares about one loss?’

by Snuffleupagus on Jun 23, 2011 4:02 PM PDT up reply actions

Fuck the Nationals.

That includes the Syracuse Nationals and the finals in any high school sport season.

by Mariner John on Jun 23, 2011 3:28 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs

Ulnar thought he was in Houston.

RIP Dave Niehaus.

by Goose on Jun 23, 2011 3:29 PM PDT reply actions

Or Oakland

by wyte_lightning on Jun 23, 2011 3:56 PM PDT up reply actions

Or Bedard was starting.

by joof on Jun 23, 2011 4:04 PM PDT up reply actions

The Nationals are the National League White Sox.

by Mariner John on Jun 23, 2011 3:36 PM PDT reply actions

This is just fantastic.

by joof on Jun 23, 2011 3:57 PM PDT reply actions

It is a long season and this is still basically a .500 team.

Felix Grand Slam tomorrow.

by mark sobba on Jun 23, 2011 4:08 PM PDT reply actions

Really ?

A .500 team ? If you’d asked in April I would of signed up for that in a heartbeat.

by drifterscape on Jun 23, 2011 10:54 PM PDT up reply actions

You dick.

I wanted to be mad right now.

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on Jun 23, 2011 4:17 PM PDT reply actions

Usually I just laugh to myself, cause I'm pretty sure you already know you're a really good writer.

I can’t keep it to myself on this. Would you ever have interest in a bookdeal or moving to a more mainstream national outlet? May not be conducive to your style, but if you found an editor that was permissive… It’d be great to see you enter the zeitgeist and know we had you first.

Teams (for foreign blogs): Seahawks, Mariners, Huskies and Broncos. Yes, I recognize the contradiction; I was born in Denver.

by THolt on Jun 23, 2011 4:19 PM PDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs