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Michael "_____" Pineda: On Nicknames and Filling in the Blank.

*****Update:  RESULTS ARE IN:  The winner of the Poll below is "Stanley Musial" Pineda.  Thanks to everyone for your suggestions.*****

This post is about beginning a very serious discussion.  I’m not here to tell you where babies come from, but it’s sort of the same thing.  This is about Michael Pineda’s nickname.  It is both crucially important and timely to have this discussion right now.

This discussion is crucially important because a nickname can be such a transcendent and monumental part of a player’s identity.  Shoeless Joe, the Iron Man, the Rocket, the Freak, Death to Flying Things, King Felix, the Kid, Big Unit, the Flying Dutchman.  These words convey so much and, once bestowed, often define the player as much as the player defines the name.  Would the Kung Fu Panda have such a strong following without such a strong nickname?  Would anyone remember Cool Papa Bell if he went by his given name, James Bell?  The right nickname means a lot.

The discussion is timely because we have entered a narrow window of time during which Pineda is both new and familiar.  He has formed the sort of indelible impression that demands a good nickname and helps provide its content.  Of course we could sit on our thumbs and wait for someone else to think of something, but I believe that would be a serious mistake.  What if Neihaus had failed to bestow Death to Flying Things with a good moniker prior to his current unfortunate ailment?  Would we be praying for the return of Poopy Stank Frank?  I’m sure Daffy Dean and Droopy Ball Bryant would have given just about anything for the right nickname early on in their careers.  But once you’re the Goose, you’re the Goose.*

It is with these thoughts in mind that I would like to offer both a submission of my own and a forum for other submissions and discussion.  I am well aware that others have broached this subject, but I think it is important to pool our efforts in one thread.  A quick search through the comment fields uncovers a few suggestions from others that may be of varying amounts of sincerity.  I have seen “Lord of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the American League in General and The American League West in Particular.”  While this loses points for brevity, it gains them back for accuracy.  Also submitted are “Black Hole” and “Jaws.”  These are certainly on point as well, but I haven’t yet seen a groundswell of support.

As for my own submission, I humbly present “El Diablo” for your review and comment.  I cannot claim authorship, as it is based on Niehaus’s memorable description of Pineda’s Spring Training slider:  DiaBOLical!  I like that it makes me think of Niehaus.  I also think it appropriately conveys the feeling in the inner recesses of the soul of any batter who has to step into the batters box against Pineda.  Perhaps Pineda Day can be “Dia de los Muertos” to complete the theme.

Anyway, that’s just one idea.  I don’t want it to dominate the thread, but I present it as a launching off point.  I hope that we can settle this here, and soon, before Señor Pineda misses a start due to a flair up of Chlamydia and this decision is made for us in permanent and horrific fashion.

 

*No offense, Goose

Poll
Michael "______" Pineda. How shall we fill in the blank?
The Black Hole
7 votes
Jaws
3 votes
El Diablo
65 votes
The Prince
44 votes
Lord of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the American League in General and The American League West in Particular
53 votes
Other suggested below
10 votes
Francisco (let's respect his mother's wishes)
11 votes
Fucking (feel free to add a "Mother" according to taste)
58 votes
I abstain for now until CapSea comes up with something clever
21 votes
Dad Gut
2 votes
El Toro
10 votes
The Pitcher Formerly Known as Prince
14 votes
Stanley Musial
10 votes
Hammerin' Hank
3 votes

311 votes | Poll has closed

Comment 142 comments  |  2 recs  | 

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Comments

Display:

Forgetting

2011 Safeco Field Record: 0-0 ; Overall Safeco Field Record: 12-5

by Fin on May 6, 2011 3:15 PM PDT up reply actions  

Crying

wait what game are we playing

by pdb on May 6, 2011 3:20 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

I was just using a more family friendly version of "fucking"

since Safeco Field is friendly and all.

2011 Safeco Field Record: 1-0 ; Overall Safeco Field Record: 13-5

by Fin on May 8, 2011 4:33 PM PDT up reply actions  

Safeco field is family friendly.

2011 Safeco Field Record: 1-0 ; Overall Safeco Field Record: 13-5

by Fin on May 8, 2011 4:33 PM PDT up reply actions  

Not true.

Lesbians can have families too.

I write for Stumptown Footy, SB Nation's Portland Timbers blog.

by thehemogoblin on May 8, 2011 8:02 PM PDT up reply actions  

.

Michael.
Francisco.
The Big Sweet.
Big D.

by msb on May 6, 2011 3:14 PM PDT reply actions   1 recs

El Toro (the Bull)

Because he’s big, he’s Bad Ass, and if you’re a hitter you do not want to stand there and wait for him.

by TJDirk on May 6, 2011 4:32 PM PDT reply actions  

"Michael 'Prince' Pineda" for now...

then “Michael ‘The Pitcher Formally Known As Prince’ Pineda”, finishing with “Michael ‘Thee Pitcher’ Pineda”.

by ZigZags on May 6, 2011 4:41 PM PDT reply actions   1 recs

Bulldog

Michael Pineda
MP

Member of Parliment—>
Prime Minister—>
Winston Churchill—>
The British Bulldog—>
Bulldog

This isn’t all that serious of a suggestion, it what just what my thought process led me to.

by quacker27 on May 6, 2011 5:31 PM PDT reply actions   1 recs

That...that works

Brilliant!

Determined, Jonesing Commentor

by Corco on May 6, 2011 6:11 PM PDT up reply actions  

Isn't that Spanish for The

…Nino

I'm a freaky streaker like Winnie the Pooh—T-shirt, no pants and I dance the boog-a-loo

by Rich Langford on May 7, 2011 1:28 AM PDT up reply actions  

Some guys just don't have a nickname.

They can be great players. I don’t really have a problem with that.

by Ballard Erik on May 6, 2011 6:36 PM PDT reply actions  

Fast Baller

Slim Chin…‘cause he’s fast!
Hellboy
I voted Toro, ‘cause he mows ’em down, and that’s way better than John Deer
or Walter

I'm a freaky streaker like Winnie the Pooh—T-shirt, no pants and I dance the boog-a-loo

by Rich Langford on May 7, 2011 1:43 AM PDT reply actions  

Wait, the connection game is fun

The Prince
The Fresh Prince
Will Smith
Hancock
The Cock!
Teams can’t touch the Mariners big Cock!

I'm a freaky streaker like Winnie the Pooh—T-shirt, no pants and I dance the boog-a-loo

by Rich Langford on May 7, 2011 1:47 AM PDT up reply actions  

Given his freakish height

And the amusing contrast of Pineda’s blazing fastball to the relative speed of my submission’s movement, I submit…

Lurch

“You Rang?”

by oneiric232 on May 7, 2011 6:17 AM PDT reply actions   2 recs

I don't understand why Prince isn't ok.

Pineda is simply younger than Felix. He’s next in line for Felix’s face of the pitching staff position. He could ascend to the throne of ace-dom at anytime. Prince Pineda is perfect.

Also, I like themes and this allows Bedard to be the “white knight” or something, completing our medieval court of aces.

This is just really obvious to me, why fight it?

by algorhythm on May 7, 2011 12:51 PM PDT reply actions  

See Little Unit

Worst nickname ever! Almost makes it a good thing he was a bust

I'm a freaky streaker like Winnie the Pooh—T-shirt, no pants and I dance the boog-a-loo

by Rich Langford on May 7, 2011 1:58 PM PDT up reply actions  

Viceroy.

It has many of the correlations that the “Prince” crowd likes, but it doesn’t sound as contrived.

"Puck go in. I very happy." - Lubomir Visnovsky

by Floyd Gondoli on May 8, 2011 12:25 PM PDT reply actions  

Kira.

...and now I'm here

by CapSea on May 8, 2011 2:36 PM PDT reply actions   1 recs

I still think it should be "Diabolical" - Diabolical Michael Pineda - because of Neihaus's call Spring Training 2010.

But then again I thought that Vargas’s nickname should be “Capone” because they look so alike, but that never caught on. Maybe I’m missing something essential about nicknames.

by Decatur on May 8, 2011 6:23 PM PDT reply actions  

He's not a bull, he's scarier than that.

Few pitchers are as big as him, and as talented as young. Bottom line, he’s a beast.

El Bestia, The Beast.

Plus, I don’t speak Spanish, and bestia sounds like best, and he’ll get the bestia if you face him at the plate.

"When Pete first got here he said he wanted to establish the run and stop the run
Pete’s the architect and Cable’s the contractor." --Greetings from the Lord Humongous!

by Tyler Jorgensen on May 8, 2011 9:47 PM PDT reply actions  

Too close to bestiality

I am going to come into your house at night and rec up the place.

by HititHere on May 10, 2011 1:31 PM PDT up reply actions  

But his name isn't Stan

Also, this one is taken by former St. Louis Cardinals OF/1B Stanley Musial.

by Mister Tee on May 9, 2011 11:35 AM PDT up reply actions  

It is simple, really,

Jeff made some excellent nickname proposals, but the last few he has chosen were already taken. That’s why I pointed out the Stan the Man one above. That one is taken by Stanley Musial, old-timer 1B/OF for the Cards. He seemed to accept that I was right, but then suggested another nickname with little/no relevance that was already taken. Hammerin’ Hank is Henry Aaron’s nickname (OF for the Braves). Also, Pineda is NOT named Hank and he is not a hitter so he does NOT hammer anything unless he is doing some construction work on the side during the offseason. Which MIGHT be against his contract to do in the first place. And if it’s not, it should be.

by Mister Tee on May 9, 2011 1:22 PM PDT up reply actions  

I think I speak for everyone when I say that says more about you than it does about me.

May each of the dozens of certain rec’s to come jolt your mind into rightness like electric pulses from a truth defribillator.

by Mister Tee on May 9, 2011 1:34 PM PDT up reply actions  

Oh yeah I forgot about that movie

That’s a horrible nickname for a baseball player.

by pdb on May 9, 2011 1:44 PM PDT up reply actions  

Tex,

Sequoia, Stormy, The Great Redeemer, Magic Finger, LeafBlower, Puma the Wolf, Haiku Frankie, Princess Sophie, Gort, El Beguelito, Grandmaster, Collateral Damage, Curvey, Strikey, Mr Monsieur, K-bot, Bamboo rustling in a slight wind, Moose, Killer Klarence, Strikeatron

by Craptastic-J on May 9, 2011 5:54 PM PDT reply actions  

Those are some craptastic names.

2011 Safeco Field Record: 1-0 ; Overall Safeco Field Record: 13-5

by Fin on May 9, 2011 8:23 PM PDT up reply actions  

I kind of blacked out there for a second.

I think Stormy has some potential though.
And failing that, I will go with

El Que? Pronounced in his homeland with a K, and so the hitters can ask what just happened

by Craptastic-J on May 10, 2011 5:14 AM PDT up reply actions  

Reminds me too much of Metamusil

I don’t like it. Thumbs down.

I am going to come into your house at night and rec up the place.

by HititHere on May 10, 2011 1:35 PM PDT up reply actions  

Incidentally, for the only organic and locally-sourced nickname crowd,

what does that even mean: a nickname that evolves organically? What nickname has evolved organically?

by Mister Tee on May 10, 2011 4:44 PM PDT reply actions  

I think the standard is for...

…one person to call a player by a nickname, then for someone else to do likewise, until many people call the player by that nickname and eventually it catches on. Calling a meeting to order for the sole purpose of having a vote for a player’s nickname seems a bit bizarre to me. Players can have multiple nicknames, and everyone can have their own personal nicknames for players. If you think a guy should have a nickname, just start calling him by whatever nickname you think fits. There’s no need to form a consensus when a guy doesn’t have a nickname. What’s going to happen if someone doesn’t call Pineda by the “official” nickname? Death by banhammer?

by ubelmann on May 10, 2011 8:17 PM PDT up reply actions   2 recs

Yeah, this is a sensible reply,

I just think Pineda’s nickname is a good discussion topic, and I want to suggest El Diablo. There is obviously nothing official about this little Fanpost.

by Mister Tee on May 10, 2011 11:15 PM PDT up reply actions  

and as a side note,

I recognize fully the unwieldiness of the name, but come on…how majestic is that? It would be great to have that announced right before the first pitch each game he played…the intimidation factor alone is worth it…..

by megamanflx1 on May 11, 2011 10:53 AM PDT up reply actions  

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