Angels sign Russell Branyan

As veteran mentors for Mark Trumbo go, Branyan's just about perfect. And also this is terrifying.

about 1 year ago Jeff Sullivan 102 comments 0 recs |

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Why is this so scary?

by Hollywoodheffne on May 26, 2011 11:57 AM PDT reply actions

Because Branyan is a good player and makes the Angels better.

A win or two difference is quite a lot in this mediocre AL West.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 11:59 AM PDT via mobile up reply actions

Russell Branyan suffers from a rare form of psychosis that only crops up when he lives in Orange County.

by abender20 on May 26, 2011 12:17 PM PDT up reply actions

It's not that rare.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 12:33 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions 7 recs

They also placed Kendrick on the DL, so theres that, at least.

by Punkhazard on May 26, 2011 11:57 AM PDT reply actions

I do not feel good about having to face Branyan as a division rival.

Though I am very happy that somebody signed him. Neyer was right—he definitely deserves a shot with another team. I had half a mind to think he should have come here.

by SeattExPat on May 26, 2011 11:59 AM PDT reply actions

Wasn't really a fit for him here.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 12:01 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions

No, there really wasn't.

That’s why I only had half a mind. Would have been cool though.

by SeattExPat on May 26, 2011 12:09 PM PDT up reply actions

He hasn't been very good this year. That's why the D-back released him.

I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Plus he’s a slide into home away from going back on the DL anyway.

by grips on May 26, 2011 3:27 PM PDT up reply actions

So,

I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but it looks like we will have to enact “Operation Trick Nightstand” and take out his toe again.

by goyo70 on May 26, 2011 12:00 PM PDT reply actions

Whelp.

Maybe his back will go out again.

by the other side on May 26, 2011 12:03 PM PDT reply actions

Never root for an injury

T’aint cool, especially to a nice guy.

by bookbook on May 26, 2011 12:16 PM PDT via mobile reply actions 6 recs

I root for injuries all the time

I hate a lot of players. I might not be a good person but it feels great.

by Edgar for Pres on May 26, 2011 1:10 PM PDT up reply actions

Feeling enjoyment at the expense, even the physical pain, of others?

by J0SER on May 26, 2011 1:34 PM PDT up reply actions

Yes!

by Edgar for Pres on May 26, 2011 2:37 PM PDT up reply actions 6 recs

Speaking of taint...

by d0nkey on May 26, 2011 4:58 PM PDT up reply actions

Would a nice guy beat his wife?

by seiferguy on May 26, 2011 1:39 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions

Depends. How nice is his wife?

by Mothy on May 26, 2011 2:43 PM PDT up reply actions

I'm not rooting for it, I like the guy.

Wouldn’t be heartbroken if it happened.

by the other side on May 26, 2011 1:48 PM PDT up reply actions

It's was pretty damn awesome when Morales broke his leg

by Robert on May 26, 2011 1:49 PM PDT up reply actions 12 recs

I didn't root for it, but I did relish its hilarity.

You can have this cake and eat it too.

I write for Stumptown Footy, SB Nation's Portland Timbers blog.

by thehemogoblin on May 26, 2011 2:37 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

One of the highlights of the year.

by Decatur on May 26, 2011 10:06 PM PDT up reply actions

More annoying than scary/terrifying.

Would rather he not get multiple opportunities to hit dingers against us.

by ThundaPC on May 26, 2011 12:23 PM PDT reply actions

How did we not sign him?

by Poochie on May 26, 2011 12:24 PM PDT reply actions

He is the least Angels player ever

by Poochie on May 26, 2011 12:24 PM PDT up reply actions

If we had had Branyan and Cust on the same roster we would have been the most A'siest team ever.

by wetzelcoal on May 26, 2011 12:30 PM PDT up reply actions

Or both the the Most and Least Athletic team ever.

by csiems on May 26, 2011 12:35 PM PDT up reply actions 8 recs

The Angels lead the league in strikeouts!

by Jeff Sullivan on May 26, 2011 12:31 PM PDT up reply actions

We already have an underpeforming DH. No need to two.

by grips on May 26, 2011 3:30 PM PDT up reply actions

Hello playoffs!

Official prediction: The Angels will win the AL west this season.

by RexTookMyStash on May 26, 2011 12:44 PM PDT reply actions

Hello Bobby Abreu back in the outfield!

by abender20 on May 26, 2011 12:46 PM PDT up reply actions

So Branyan is going to DH?

Official prediction: The Angels will win the AL west this season.

by RexTookMyStash on May 26, 2011 12:48 PM PDT up reply actions

He certainly isn't going to be playing anywhere but first or DH and Trumbo exists.

by abender20 on May 26, 2011 12:50 PM PDT up reply actions

He could play the outfield instead I guess.

by joof on May 26, 2011 1:28 PM PDT up reply actions

If Manny can "play" the outfield, anyone can.

by quacker27 on May 26, 2011 3:28 PM PDT up reply actions

*could

by quacker27 on May 26, 2011 3:28 PM PDT up reply actions

How can a guy be so good on the basepaths and so horrendous in the field? I still don't understand it.

by Decatur on May 26, 2011 10:07 PM PDT up reply actions

Grass scares him

But he loves dirt.

by J0SER on May 26, 2011 10:45 PM PDT up reply actions

Everything the Angels do, on and off the field, are calculated moves to annoy us Mariners fans.

by JamMasterJesus on May 26, 2011 12:51 PM PDT reply actions

Vernon Wells.

end

Official prediction: The Angels will win the AL west this season.

by RexTookMyStash on May 26, 2011 12:52 PM PDT up reply actions 3 recs

Haha, yeah. That was pretty great.

Also, Scott Kazmir.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 12:53 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions

But then Haren so it kinda evens out.

And we’ve been over all this before.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 12:54 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions

Hey Scott's doing wonders for us in Salt Lake City.

And for a great price.

Official prediction: The Angels will win the AL west this season.

by RexTookMyStash on May 26, 2011 12:54 PM PDT up reply actions

Not that scary

His back won’t hold up. Remember this isn’t 2009…He gets 4-5 HR’s tops and thats it.

by Blue Dream on May 26, 2011 12:57 PM PDT reply actions

Using phrases like "probably" or "I think" or "in my opinion" can be a big help.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 12:59 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions

Only when you're discussing things other than facts.

by Kermit. on May 26, 2011 12:59 PM PDT up reply actions

Not everybody has to conform to you. This guy knows his back facts. And Russell Branyans back can clearly only hold 4-5 dingers

by JamMasterJesus on May 26, 2011 1:00 PM PDT up reply actions

His poor back, nothing but a fraction of what it used to be

Hey… this might be some new metric. Wonder if it passes that whole correlation causation test for statistical analysis. What’s that other one. R factor? P factor? Wonder what the R factor of his back is these days

by Kermit. on May 26, 2011 1:03 PM PDT up reply actions

4-5

by abender20 on May 26, 2011 1:07 PM PDT up reply actions

It looks better as a fraction, so I had to go and do the math. .333 Russells.

by Kermit. on May 26, 2011 1:08 PM PDT up reply actions

Keep in mind this number is not park adjusted

by Kermit. on May 26, 2011 1:10 PM PDT up reply actions 9 recs

I'm sure in the warm Anaheim of Los Angles air, his back will hold up to at least 6-7 HRs

by JamMasterJesus on May 26, 2011 1:11 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

BOOM! Park adjustment! Thanks man

I really didn’t have the time to do the work

by Kermit. on May 26, 2011 1:12 PM PDT up reply actions 9 recs

Hang on, I got this. He hit 15 HR's last year and he's only going to hit 5 this year.

I got it! One third (1/3)!

by Kermit. on May 26, 2011 1:07 PM PDT up reply actions

BlueDreamsKnowsBacks

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 1:03 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions 2 recs

We're all going to die.

by msb on May 26, 2011 2:26 PM PDT reply actions

This is a constant truth. Branyan's signing has not changed this.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 2:39 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions

He'll look all handsome and manly while we do it.

by msb on May 26, 2011 2:45 PM PDT up reply actions

You have the first reply to almost every comment in this thread.

by algorhythm on May 26, 2011 2:49 PM PDT up reply actions

He has his finger on the pulse of the people.

by msb on May 26, 2011 2:58 PM PDT up reply actions

I count 4 out of 12.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 3:01 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions

I am first-replying at .333 Russells.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 3:13 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions 6 recs

Is that thread adjusted?

by FaceRuiner on May 26, 2011 3:18 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions 2 recs

Oh, come on. When has a new player on the Angels ever gotten anyone killed?

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on May 26, 2011 3:47 PM PDT up reply actions 10 recs

Seriously. Just name 3 people.

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on May 26, 2011 3:52 PM PDT up reply actions 7 recs

Aaaaaand Branyan pinch-hits as an Angel in the 9th inning and almost hit a game-tying dinger.

Oh goodie.

by ThundaPC on May 26, 2011 3:19 PM PDT reply actions

almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

by grips on May 26, 2011 3:32 PM PDT up reply actions

.

by Jeff Sullivan on May 26, 2011 3:36 PM PDT reply actions

We traded Jack Cust to the Angels?

by andrewgolfsalot on May 26, 2011 3:36 PM PDT up reply actions

Haha, I hope this will symbolize what Branyan brings to the Angels.

He’ll give the Angels hope, but then tragically fall short.

by Chipanese on May 26, 2011 3:43 PM PDT up reply actions

You look like shit in red, Russ

by Jeff Sullivan on May 26, 2011 3:45 PM PDT up reply actions 7 recs

Looks like he literally hit that to the deepest part of the park.

Sobriety is... Interesting.

by Thingray on May 26, 2011 3:54 PM PDT up reply actions

Russell Branyan. You LITERALLY hit that to the deepest part of the park, and I am very proud of you.

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on May 26, 2011 3:56 PM PDT up reply actions

Okay, I know the hate for that word.

Lets just say it looks like that corner there is the deepest point in the OF. Probably about 410 to there I would say?

Sobriety is... Interesting.

by Thingray on May 26, 2011 3:59 PM PDT up reply actions

There's no hate for literally, just its misuse.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 3:59 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions

Literally is a perfectly cromulent word.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 3:59 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions 1 recs

I'll admit,

I don’t know how this is an incorrect use of the word. The definition is "actually, without exaggeration", and that part of the park is actually the deepest part, without exaggeration…

Am I missing something here?

Sobriety is... Interesting.

by Thingray on May 26, 2011 4:02 PM PDT up reply actions

Don't want to harp on it. But since you asked

You said he “literally hit that to the deepest part of the park.” In this case literally is an adverb describing hit. You probably wanted something more like: “Looks like he hit that to literally the deepest part of the park.” But even that is pointless. In that context it’s redundant.

In my mind the word literally is best used to clarify a situation which would otherwise be interpreted figuratively, i.e. "He literally beat the shit out of that guy (I saw the poop come out)!

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 4:09 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions 1 recs

I see your point.

My placement of the word in the sentence was incorrect, and probably unnecessary. That makes more sense. Although it would be an accurate (although completely unnecessary) adverb for the hit as well.

Sobriety is... Interesting.

by Thingray on May 26, 2011 4:12 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

Well that just makes it sound like there's a depression or crevasse of some type in the outfield

by Kermit. on May 26, 2011 5:11 PM PDT up reply actions

Wasn't giving you a hard time about the usage of literally.

The word has just gotten a whole new usage of fun after Parks & Rec.

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on May 26, 2011 4:02 PM PDT up reply actions

Okay, I've never seen the show.

That might explain a portion of my confusion.

Sobriety is... Interesting.

by Thingray on May 26, 2011 4:03 PM PDT up reply actions

I'm almost never a grammar or word nazi.

I barely have the energy enough to be a regular nazi.

follow @casetines

by Kenneth Arthur on May 26, 2011 4:06 PM PDT up reply actions

Shalom!

Sobriety is... Interesting.

by Thingray on May 26, 2011 4:07 PM PDT up reply actions

Godwin'd

To improve, they should try to become the musical southern cal of the west. - bRuins Nation poster on the Stanford band.

by bluemax on May 26, 2011 4:32 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

Goosestepping is just so draining.

I write for Stumptown Footy, SB Nation's Portland Timbers blog.

by thehemogoblin on May 26, 2011 9:26 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

Nazis: not lazy

by J0SER on May 26, 2011 10:47 PM PDT up reply actions

Well at least he stopped figuratively hitting pitches.

by Eyebrows on May 26, 2011 3:59 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions 2 recs

He figuratively hit the shit out of that ball in literally the wrong trajectory

by lemonverbena on May 26, 2011 4:01 PM PDT up reply actions 4 recs

The worst part of that clip is the Taio Cruz ad.

Official prediction: The Angels will win the AL west this season.

by RexTookMyStash on May 26, 2011 7:23 PM PDT up reply actions

Nothing wrong with Taio Cruz.

by Patrick Stites on May 26, 2011 7:24 PM PDT up reply actions

How did I miss that?

Official prediction: The Angels will win the AL west this season.

by RexTookMyStash on May 26, 2011 7:28 PM PDT up reply actions

I'm not really sure.

Most of me thinks he really won’t make much of a difference in anything. But there’s that little fraction of my that think’s he’ll become the second player to hit Safeco’s roof. Except he’ll do it while it’s open.

by Zewerr on May 26, 2011 6:17 PM PDT reply actions