Some Things You Absolutely Need To Know About Moises Hernandez
by Jeff Sullivan on Dec 21, 2011 12:19 PM PST
in Seattle Mariners Transactions
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PrintMuch of my morning so far has been spent thinking about maybe the worst Prince Fielder sweepstakes update we've seen yet, and thinking about just the latest column practically begging the Mariners to trade Felix Hernandez (to the Yankees). I am not going to link these things because you don't need to have the day that I have had. You can track them down if you really want to, but trust me, please trust me when I say they provide nothing that's new.
I am now going to take a break from things that are annoying to spend some time with something that's completely off the radar. What follows is a thorough but incomplete list of things you absolutely need to know about Moises Hernandez. I don't mean that all cute-like, like "this is the must-read novel of the year!" This is actually important. There will be a test of greater significance than your pathetic brain can imagine.
(1) Moises Hernandez is Felix Hernandez's older brother.
(2) Moises Hernandez is 27 years old.
(3) Moises Hernandez has signed a minor league contract with the Mariners.
(4) Moises Hernandez has technically re-signed with the Mariners, since he pitched with double-A Jackson last year.
(5) 27 different people pitched with double-A Jackson last year. Moises Hernandez had the highest ERA out of all of them, by 0.76 points.
(6) Moises Hernandez had a higher ERA with Jackson than Scott Savastano, who is an infielder.
(7) Moises Hernandez's 2011 performance was still better than his 2010 performance, because he didn't have a 2010 performance due to injury.
(8) Moises Hernandez didn't have a 2008 performance, either, also due to injury.
(9) Moises Hernandez's 2009 performance was terrible.
(10) Moises Hernandez was the compensation the Braves received when Leo Mazzone went to the Orioles.
(11) Moises Hernandez has been pitching with the Cardenales de Lara of the Venezuelan winter league, and he's posted the league's second-highest ERA out of all pitchers with at least six appearances.
(12) Moises Hernandez has thrown 0.2 more innings in the Venezuelan winter league than Ryan Glynn.
(13) Moises Hernandez has allowed as many earned runs in 12 innings in Venezuela as 2010 Felix Hernandez allowed in 109.1 innings between July 16th and September 28th.
(14) Re-signing Moises Hernandez is going to make Felix Hernandez happy, and that makes me happy.
(15) Fuck off, Ken Rosenthal.
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FELIX WILL LEAVE AFTER HIS CONTRACT IS OVER UNLESS THE MARINERS ARE WINNING A HUNDRED GAMES EVERY YEAR!
THIS IS A FACT AND IS INDISPUTABLE! SO YOU BETTER TRADE HIM NOW YOU MORONIC BUFFOONS!
At least that’s where I see the evolution of these type of articles ending up as.
Felix hates Seattle and is being held against his will.
It’s obvious. Why won’t Jack Z release him from clutches?
Seriously
All these sky is falling comments about the team struggling and not making a free agent splash seem to involve “Felix will want out.”
Why, exactly?
When he signed his extension, the team wasn’t exactly gangbusters, and every indication is he LOVES Seattle. So it’s just a buzzword.
In actual fact, it is selfish to have Felix on a team as bad as the Mariners.
It is just wasting his talent for him to play on the LEMAYS because the ownership isn’t interested in winning and are to STUPID. They just want to line their pockets so they can pay off their SPOUSE and make PICACHU games.
Bad teams shouldn’t have good players, unless you expand your payroll and SIGN PRINCE FIELDER!
by stredarts on Dec 21, 2011 12:36 PM PST up reply actions 18 recs
Please tell me this is parody.
I don’t have enough time today (ever) to fight this battle (again) in earnest.
Smells like parody.
Good one too.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Dec 21, 2011 1:50 PM PST up reply actions
This comment is literally everything I have ever seen that is wrong with reactionary thinking of fans
unless this is a joke, which in that case… carry on
If I was a reasonable person, I wouldn't be a mariner fan
by HuskyMariner on Dec 21, 2011 1:20 PM PST up reply actions
I did model it after a particularly noxious commenter on Drayer's blog.
The dude just about has self parody down.
by stredarts on Dec 21, 2011 2:13 PM PST up reply actions 2 recs
MARINERS NEED ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!
Seriously, there all some awesome tin-hattery commenters on a lot of Mariner blogs.
by sea-townie on Dec 21, 2011 9:14 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
I liked the part where Pikachu is both in all caps and spelled wrong.
by joof on Dec 21, 2011 2:30 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
This is absolutely brilliant.
"Satisfaction is the enemy of success." SanFranPreps
by perfectstrat on Dec 21, 2011 3:18 PM PST via Android app up reply actions 1 recs
If we could trade Felix for the entire Yankees roster I'd still say no.
Because: Fuck the Yankees!
by mebpenguin on Dec 21, 2011 12:35 PM PST reply actions 4 recs
What if the Yanks kicking half?
"Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly, the ill deeds along with the good and let me be judged accordingly. The rest is silence." ~ Dinobot
by beastwarking on Dec 21, 2011 2:36 PM PST up reply actions
Hitting clearly runs in the family
We should convert Moises into a hitter
by JLC on Dec 21, 2011 12:35 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
Not a bad idea.
.412/.412/.471 line in the minors as a hitter. Give that man a bat! Maybe the Hernandez brothers can become the second Seattle Mariners family members to hit back to back homers.
"Perhaps the worst comment I've ever seen on LL." - sanford_and_son.
by Ride the Apocalypse on Dec 21, 2011 4:58 PM PST up reply actions 2 recs
Is a left handed Felix better or worse than his brother?
by Edgar for Pres on Dec 21, 2011 1:17 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
Why does every writer suggest trading Felix to the Yankees?
Putting aside the fact that there is zero chance he is traded within the next couple years, they don’t have nearly enough talent to land him. I think one of those NY writers suggested the Yankees could offer Montero, Betances, and Nova, which is absolutely laughable. If Felix ever were available, I’m sure the Mariners would get a better offer from a team that actually has a good farm system and talented young MLB players (Toronto?)
RIP Greg Halman
If the Yankees don't win the WS it is baseball's fault. Therefore every other team should obviously make the changes in order to fix that injustice.
And as for not having the talent, I think we all know that Yankee prospects are the greatest prospects in the history of the multiverse. I think I would be fine with Z trading Felix for a package of say, Cano, Gardner, Montero and Nova, get it done Yanks.
by themanleyman on Dec 21, 2011 1:51 PM PST up reply actions
I'll spit on that trade too.
Cano only has two years left on his contract, then he’s absolutely gone, probably back to New York. No way I’m getting two not cheap years of that guy for Felix.
The rest sucks. Montero might be interesting, but Nova and Gardner do not thrill me.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Dec 21, 2011 1:55 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
Hmm... I'd have to disagree with you on who should spit on this obviously never gonna happen.
Those Yankee players combined for 14 WAR in the MLB last year and will cost less than Felix for the next couple years. Even with it only being 2 years of Cano instead of 3 years of Felix, by the time Cano leaves, Montero should be a regular. Taking the 4 best cost controlled (at different levels but still pre FA) MLB players from the Yankees for Felix would be a win for the M’s. Never gonna happen, but a win.
by themanleyman on Dec 21, 2011 2:09 PM PST up reply actions
Even if you think that's a win, don't you think the Mariners could still get a better package?
Toronto could probably offer Lawrie and/or D’Arnaud to start, and they have a very deep farm system to pick from. Texas could offer Profar/Olt. I don’t want to start rosterbating here, but the M’s still have big holes at C and 3B, so a trade that gets them a stud at one of those positions is to me preferable to one that doesn’t, unless the Nationals were to offer up Harper or something.
RIP Greg Halman
I do like a Harper, Zimmerman, Strasburg and Ramos for Felix deal.
I guess I’m just angry at how ridiculously stupid the deals being suggested are and am looking for one that is as ridiculous from the other side to plug.
by themanleyman on Dec 21, 2011 2:50 PM PST up reply actions
Why aren't you getting Rendon as a PTBNL in that deal as well?
by Craptastic-J on Dec 21, 2011 2:56 PM PST up reply actions
What are the rules on PTBNL?
Don’t the have to be named within 6 months, or am I making that up. Rendon can’t be traded till August.
by themanleyman on Dec 21, 2011 3:07 PM PST up reply actions
I only included the PTBNL part cause I knew Rendon couldn't be traded yet.
Something like August, or something. One year after the draft right? So sometime between June and August.
So Felix goes at the deadline for the above package
by Craptastic-J on Dec 21, 2011 4:12 PM PST up reply actions
I think its a year after they sign.
So august, and yup that deal at the deadline seems like the most likely of all possible scenarios.
by themanleyman on Dec 21, 2011 4:56 PM PST up reply actions
Zero chance?
I wouldn’t say “zero chance”. They just don’t HAVE to trade him, which is what all these morons writing about trading Felix don’t understand. Personally, I hope that if Felix gets to free agency without a trade, and he doesn’t re-up with us, he signs with the Rockies or something just to piss off everybody who wants him in New York.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Dec 21, 2011 1:51 PM PST up reply actions
BTW, that was Bowden that came up with that trade.
And you already know why that trade idea sucks, putting the Bowden label on it is just piling on.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Dec 21, 2011 1:52 PM PST up reply actions
I'd say there's zero chance that any player in the majors has zero chance of getting traded in the next two years.
Even if it makes zero sense, there’s rarely zero chance.
follow @casetines
by Kenneth Arthur on Dec 21, 2011 2:10 PM PST up reply actions
Fine, close to zero chance.
I just think that the only way Felix gets traded is if the Mariners’ FO knows they won’t be competing before his contract is up, and that’s only going to happen if several top prospects bust. We probably won’t be able to determine that until mid-2013 or so at the earliest.
RIP Greg Halman
Mr Rosenthal is a stuck record
A google search quickly reveal his “Fox Sports Exclusive” of 2011-12-21 (i.e. today) is just a re-write of the article he posted on 2011-03-14, and a trade deadline “Fox MLB Buzz” puff piece he posted 2011-07-19.
So here’s another reason we appreciate Jeff and Matt: they never write the same thing twice. Or at least if they do, they have the honesty and good grace to admit that they are revisiting the topic. And there’s a good reason for revisiting the topic. Which is different than writing the same thing twice, anyway.
A) Matthew, but thanks
by Matthew on Dec 21, 2011 2:19 PM PST up reply actions 4 recs
It won't happen again
At least, refering to you by the incorrect name.
As for Jeff’s World Series preview(s), who can say? A Bayesian approach suggests that October 2012 will be the same. But at least it differs from Rosenthal’s Felix trade articles in that it is grounded in truth.
If you appreciate Matthew, call him Matthew
That is what he goes by sort of like how Moises goes by Moises and not Felix.
by abender20 on Dec 21, 2011 2:19 PM PST via mobile up reply actions
I wish I could rec that part of the post specifically.
In addition to the rest of it!
by Aussie Mariner on Dec 21, 2011 3:01 PM PST up reply actions
Rosenthal: "Trading ace Hernandez would benefit M’s"
Supporting points:
- Felix Hernandez is gone after 2014.
- M’s have promising pitching but offense is really bad.
- Even if they get Prince Fielder, they’ll just pitch around him and attack the other hitters anyway.
- Zduriencik needs to demand, from the Yankees, another top pitching prospect, a light hitting infield prospect, and a right-hand hitting “catcher” for Felix Hernandez.
- Mariners should do a complete rebuild and be like the Rays, where all the talent blossoms at the same time.
So basically, to justify keeping Felix the pitching prospects all have to break right. M’s offense is so bad that Prince Fielder (lefty) won’t make a difference. M’s should trade Felix for Jesus Montero (righty), who apparently WILL make a difference in offense. M’s need to model themselves after the Rays and hope for everything to break right at the same time to contend.
Thanks, Rosenthal. I feel much better about trading Felix.
I need to go and find a link.
Felix did an interview (this year, during this SHIT season) talking about how much he loved Seattle and wanted to get an extension done. Then I can go and post it in the comments for all of these articles.
I'd kiss Jack if he signed Felix right now to an extension of Felix's current contract.
I don’t care anymore if that’d be dumb (it would be). I don’t even care if trading Felix makes sense (it can), I want us to hold onto Felix forever if only to say FUCK OFF REST OF BASEBALL AND OF YOUR FANS.
Felix is ours. And. You. Can’t. Fucking. Have him.
by Matthew on Dec 21, 2011 3:21 PM PST up reply actions 30 recs
God, I love it when the mods get angry!
Makes me feel more sane :D
by sanford_and_son on Dec 21, 2011 3:47 PM PST up reply actions
Heh, why did I not search here first?
That was stupid. Thanks, I found it though. :)
by Aussie Mariner on Dec 21, 2011 4:13 PM PST up reply actions
Felix loves us:
Paragraph 3 “Plus Felix has always stated he wanted to remain a Mariner for life.”
5th last paragraph: Asked if he would waive his no-trade clause to pitch elsewhere, Hernandez says: "I’d say no. I hear it all the time, but I’d love to stay here. I like Seattle, like the organization, like all the people I’m around, and I live in Seattle.
Paragraph 5 "This is my team. I want to stay here because I love being here,’’
Paragraph 4: Felix recently signed an extension to stay in Seattle. Even though the team has given him horrible run support the last few seasons, Felix has done nothing but express his happiness in Seattle and his desire to remain a Mariner for as long as they will have him.
As much as I hate to use mlbtraderumours.com, my Spanish sucks so here’s the quote I was looking for (and a link to the source, a Venezuelan paper) from July 13 of THIS YEAR after we’d lost five in a row: Felix Hernandez wants to stay in Seattle well beyond the end of his contract in 2014, the reigning Cy Young winner told Manuel Lira at the Venezuelan paper Líder en Deportes. “Hopefully Seattle locks me up further,” Hernandez said. “I want to sign for more. At least five years more.”
Now how do you like THEM apples, bitches?
by Aussie Mariner on Dec 21, 2011 4:12 PM PST reply actions 26 recs
"Fuck off, Ken Rosenthal."
If your entire article had just contained that one sentence 400 times, I would call it the greatest article ever written on LL.
Big Name free agents leave because their team isn't winning!!! Just look at Albert Pujols.....
Oh wait. Fuck off Ken Rosenthal
"If you want your dreams to come true, don't sleep in."
King Felix
Probably the funniest comments I´ve ever seen in this site, Felix will be here FOREVER, i can see him signing minor league contracts in his mid 40´s , King Felix will never be a Yankee, fuck off Cashman, Fuck off Rosenthal, Fuck off Heyman!
I have a feeling that this whole article was written as a clever way to tell Ken Rosenthal to fuck off.
Which I’m all for, but am I wrong?
2011 Safeco Field Record: 1-0 ; Overall Safeco Field Record: 13-5
A week later, I will stroll on by and agree with this
Rosenthal is probably the best there is when it comes to national reporters getting scoops on transactions. Analysis just isn’t his thing.
I can see it now.
Moises Hernandez walks into Brian Cashman’s office
Moises: I just want to say it’s an honor to be here. I know Montero and Nova were tough to give up, but I’ll get to the Majors one day!
Brian: Who are you?
Moises: Hernandez sir, Moises Hernandez.
Brian: Sonofa…
by MTSea on Dec 22, 2011 1:07 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
Since "Yankees Suck" T-shirts are banned at Safeco....
Someone needs to make a T-shirt based on Jeff’s final point, #15:
OK wait…
Here we go.
Front: FOKR (Fuck Off, Ken Rosenthal)
Back: Felix is ours and you can’t have him.
What do you guys think? Something to wear to the King’s Court next season?
We'll always have 2001
by 116 on Dec 22, 2011 1:57 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
They were banned
For one homestand against the Steinbrenner Piggy Banks back in 2002. Then the predictable bad publicity resulting from that caused the Mariners to look the other way, even if they didn’t exactly drop the ban (hilariously, they tried to justify this flip-flop by claiming that asking people to take off t-shirts at the gate was even less “family-friendly” than the expressions printed on the shirts). I believe that remains the case today (technically out of compliance with their Conduct Policy — along with burping, raising your voice, or having any conversation a 6-year-old shouldn’t overhear — but tolerated)
In talking to Mariners front office folks
they would actually like it if the ballpark started to get, y’know, an atmosphere.
by Two Rs and Two Ls on Dec 22, 2011 8:38 PM PST up reply actions
We all would.
I wish they could do something about it. You know, other than putting together a winning team.
King's Court!
Just do it every game, Felix could throw the first pitch of every game he doesn’t start.
by Craptastic-J on Dec 22, 2011 9:53 PM PST up reply actions
Great LookoutLanding Tag Lines in History
Felix is Ours and You Can’t Have Him
We Miss You Dave
Fuck off, Ken Rosenthal
by J0SER on Dec 22, 2011 11:14 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
I'm confused
Did I miss something? Why are we talking about trading our best player? Do we need the money? Just want to shake up the league?
by luciuswolfey_96 on Dec 24, 2011 6:16 PM PST reply actions
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