Hot Sexy USSM (/LL) Event At Safeco Field, September 4th

This year's LL-rides-the-coattails-of-USSM's-extraordinary-organization-efforts event has been announced, and if you haven't already read Dave's post over there, then you can read my plagiarized post on the same subject right here. I just have to change around enough words to make it seem like it's not his voice anymore. Anybody know a synonym for 'pavilion'?

USSM

You'll notice, of course, the big difference is that this year's event takes place inside the actual stadium, allowing us to maximize attendance and maximize revenue which goes somewhere. You'll also notice that, while Dave talks to you about marginal wins, I talk to you about players who look like they smell, and the front office awkwardly asks why they didn't get a standing ovation this time, you'll be able to watch batting practice on the field, affording a rare opportunity to witness the true hidden extent of Chone Figgins' power. I want to see a BP team of Figgins, Jack Wilson, and Jose Lopez, just for optimum funsies. In my head, players look equally helpless in BP as they do in games. If that isn't true, then I have to start asking myself questions I really don't want to answer.

Oh, right, the event. For the price of $20, you get!

  • a ticket to watch the currently 40-68 Seattle Mariners take on the currently 46-62 Cleveland Indians, who are a Major League Baseball team
  • a ticket to enter and listen to important people talk to you for an hour and a half
  • a t-shirt of some kind
  • maybe an EQC fleece blanket? From the fine people responsible for the EQC Pitch Tracer
  • a chance to mingle for two hours until the game starts with this handsome son of a bitch, and also other people who are all right I guess

So you should come. I assure you that Dave and I won't take up too much of your time, the front office guys who show up always have interesting things to say, and given the circumstances of the season, I'm very curious to see if and how this Q&A event is different from the others, when the organization looked to be on the rise. Are you the world's biggest Brandon Morrow fan who, ever since the trade, has just felt this urge to give Jack a piece of your bitter, angry mind? This isn't not your chance!

Sign up. It'll be awesome. Dave promises.

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