First Half In Review: Mariners As Things In Or Near My Apartment
by Jeff Sullivan on Jul 14, 2010 5:47 PM PDT
in Miscellaneous
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PrintYeah I probably shouldn't clutter up the front page with all this.
These are crumbs and they're kind of a mess
This lamp is really useful but it gets really hot sometimes
Watermelon sounds good but it sure doesn't look very stable on the counter
A delivery!
These are penguin salt and pepper shakers that glide forward on the table if you pull their wheels back. They're awesome and totally ridiculous
Well I guess if I had to
This seemed really promising in the store at the time but boy does it suck
Ken Griffey Jr.
Yeah I don't think we can use these again
Ever since we got this fan I don't know how I lived without it
Ichiro
What a beautiful orchid in such a shitty pot
Trash
I really wanted watermelon one day and we bought one but this watermelon is gross and now I don't know what to do with it
This stuff works really well but I pretty much never use it since I rarely get bitten by bugs or like trip into poison ivy
The only thing I trust this to do is keep a bag twisted shut
Well these clearly aren't ready to eat
I just got this the other day as a promo item and I know it can do really cool stuff but I don't know how to use it yet so it's annoying
I had a really good time at Crater Lake and wish I never had to leave, but, hey, souvenir
Man, this was fun. Sure was a while ago
Big trash
These pillowcase are spectacularly ugly but now I kind of like them
Well I guess worse comes to worse I could wear these again
He's not there right now but there's a spider outside of the window in the office and every time I look out the window I get terrified
You are one lousy webcam
Some things you should leave in the garbage
So simple, so delicious
This is a corner. There's nothing special about this corner and it looks a lot like other corners
I love my PS3 and I wish I could play with it every day
This thing is awesome and we should use it more
No matter what the packaging might suggest, this isn't good for me and I use it way too much
It's all gone now, but I sure had fun spending all that money
You were really cool in 2006
Garrett Olson
I liked these gloves when I bought them but now whenever I put them on people think I'm about to do something rapey
I don't know what this is for but I guess it's not in the way
I love our pizza stone but every time I try to use it it burns me
I spent a lot of money to go to that Stanley Cup and it was pure torture from the beginning
I never thought I'd find this thing useful but now I practically look for reasons to use it
People always tell me I should save my receipts but, ehh, get rid of em
Jason Vargas
This was literally thrown in for five extra dollars with our second controller. We didn't really care at the time but now this is amazing
This is leftover Vicodin and we pretty much only keep it around in case we wanna get fucked up
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Awesome
Well done sir. You once again make this shit season not suck so much.
"Good evening Blazer fans, wherever you may be!"-Bill Schonely
This is what makes Lookout Landing so awesome.
"I hope he arouses the fire that's dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul. I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger."
-Ichiro on Dice-K
In before racist jokes about Milton Bradley equaling watermelon.....
A+ post, by the way.
Milton Bradley apologist
by sanford_and_son on Jul 14, 2010 6:04 PM PDT reply actions
This is the highlight of the season so far for me.
This is awesome because it’s extremely silly and highly entertaining, yet astonishingly insightful. This post sums up the season much more effectively than anything else I’ve read.
How long did it take you to come up with this?
This is brilliant and clever and a bunch of other wonderful adjectives.
I think it would take me a week or two to successfully pull something like this off. I bet it only took you a couple hours.
I don't want to sound insensitive
but do you have a mild case of Parkinson’s?
by wilsonpdx on Jul 14, 2010 6:10 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
I could've used a picture of my camera for Sean White too
by Jeff Sullivan on Jul 14, 2010 6:11 PM PDT up reply actions
Lookout Landing: Where mods admit to abusing prescription drugs!
by I Lick Squirrels on Jul 14, 2010 6:16 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Felix is your PS3
And you not dusting it is the Mariners not building a quality team around him. Or something. Dust your PS3.
by John Gugarty on Jul 14, 2010 6:21 PM PDT reply actions 10 recs
Excess baggage...
I believe the dustiness is his personal non-catcher Rob Johnson.
by marcoramius on Jul 14, 2010 10:45 PM PDT up reply actions
Aren't the Mariners owned by Nintendo?
Mariners and Senators fan in Miami, covering the team in Ottawa at Silver Seven
by Alexander Calloway on Jul 15, 2010 10:07 AM PDT up reply actions
This is amazing
Now every time I play on my PS3, I can channel the power of Felix and pull my shirt forward whenever I do something that pleases me.
by Aaroniero Arruruerie on Jul 14, 2010 6:22 PM PDT reply actions
What is Shawn Kelley?
I’ve always wondered what that thing is.
Well done!
(Hire me as your photographer next time, eh?)
Does the World Series trophy come with a plate of bacon?
My Ps3 just broke last week.
AKA, Watch the pitch counts Wak!
by MFAN on Jul 14, 2010 6:47 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
I'd argue the corner is the most important part of your apartment you showed
Determined, Jonesing Commentor
So awesome...
AJM would do this, but all he has in his house are the broken dreams of families past…
"Support the Dutch Oven"
You know you have an amazing post when it has been retweeted 15 times.
Great, great read. I really love the Smoak one, too.
The problem with Shawn Kelley is
I look at it and think, but what does that do?
by Kirsten Schlewitz on Jul 14, 2010 7:41 PM PDT reply actions
But after a lot of squinting I think I have figured it out.
by Kirsten Schlewitz on Jul 14, 2010 7:41 PM PDT up reply actions
Color me confused
Karma police, arrest this man.
by wyte_lightning on Jul 14, 2010 8:14 PM PDT up reply actions
You put spoons on it while cooking to keep sauces and other mess-makers off of the stove or counter tops.
by Aaron Campeau on Jul 14, 2010 8:20 PM PDT up reply actions
Oh.
Well I assumed Kirsten would know what that was so if anything I am relieved.
by Aaron Campeau on Jul 14, 2010 8:23 PM PDT up reply actions
If Willie Bloomquist was still arouind he could be a spork
does multiple things, but none of them well.
"Most all good Americans hate the Yankees. It is a value we cherish and pass on to our children like decency and democracy and the importance of a good breakfast." - William B. Mead
by Steve Nelson on Jul 14, 2010 8:20 PM PDT reply actions 6 recs
He's a Swiss Army Knife
Nice little thing to carry around, great to stick in your pocket for a trip out, but everything it does is done better by various other items in the house.
I bought a bunch of those
Great for backpacking. Super light weight.
by chrisisasavage on Jul 14, 2010 9:27 PM PDT up reply actions
So was Teej coming to visit or something?
by Aaron Campeau on Jul 14, 2010 8:26 PM PDT reply actions 7 recs
They gave you a Blackberry with a trackball? Lame.
It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray
by Faux on Jul 14, 2010 8:28 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
It looked like a tour and holy god those were the worst trackballs that RIM has ever put out.
It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray
Looks like a Curve to me
The Tour’s numberpad isn’t a different color from the rest of the keyboard.
The Tour is a thing in my apartment right now. I got it because I thought I needed it to be more productive but I’ve since found that it doesn’t do a whole lot, and what it does do is done better by a number of cheaper options. The Tour is 2009 Vernon Wells.
by pmc47 on Jul 15, 2010 6:21 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Thank you, Jeff, for being the highlight of this season.
How long before you realize the watermelon is worthless (and will make you sick) and it has to go?
Try to trade it to a homeless man for a can of tuna.
by I Lick Squirrels on Jul 14, 2010 8:49 PM PDT up reply actions
Kotchman smaells like tuna?
What’re you trying to say?
by nathaniel dawson on Jul 14, 2010 10:29 PM PDT up reply actions
I Noticed your Luke French has a cob web in it
Your apartment is trashy
…they should send down Huntington & Nutting, because they aren’t ready, either. - royshowell
That PS3 looks like it's used a lot and about to catch fire.
Hard work never killed nobody, but I won't take my chances.
You have clearly not spent enough time here.
The Felix homoeroticism will become apparently eventually.
Mariners/D Broncos/BSU Broncos fan in Seattle
The first rule of Lookout Landing is...
by appleshampoo on Jul 14, 2010 9:57 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
If only it was a brand new poster..
Hi, Welcome to Lookout Landing!
Around here we use proper grammar and say sexual things about the players we like! Here, look at this picture of Gutierrez and don’t worry, no one is watching!
by Kenneth Arthur on Jul 14, 2010 10:25 PM PDT up reply actions
Whoa whoa whoa! Hold on.
I’d like to stress that looking and playing are very different. VERY different.
This is wonderful
Thank you Jeff
I want to poop at your house - Thingray
by tootthekazoo on Jul 14, 2010 9:54 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Bravo
My Mariners blog SodoMojo, My Twitter Feed
by Griffin Cooper on Jul 14, 2010 10:51 PM PDT reply actions
I'm also amused
That you moved into my old neighborhood maybe a week before I moved NE.
Rob Johnson is definitely not a trash can
unless yours has a hole in the bottom
And somehow the PS3 loves the garbage can
2010 Safeco Field Record: 1-1 ; Overall Safeco Field Record: 11-5
by Fin on Jul 14, 2010 11:27 PM PDT up reply actions 3 recs
If you have any more SA Triple Bock you can send it to me.
I actually really like the stuff, and we can’t buy it in Seattle.
The Ichiro one was pot on.
I hate the New York Yankees
by 44FAN on Jul 15, 2010 12:32 AM PDT reply actions 5 recs
Godammit why would you do that
Why would you correct that?
It was perfect!
by Karma Police on Jul 15, 2010 1:10 AM PDT up reply actions
I was about to rec the original, and then I saw the correction.
Alas.
by Robert Lintott on Jul 15, 2010 6:40 AM PDT up reply actions
I saw the picture of the trash can.
And at first I thought the joke was that you couldn’t open the lid because the counter was too close so it wouldn’t catch anything you put into it. I laughed for two minutes before I read the caption, then I kept laughing. Everything about this post is perfect.
I can't wait until next year's "The Mariners as Professional Baseball Players."
...and now I'm here
by CapSea on Jul 15, 2010 4:28 AM PDT reply actions 6 recs
Ichiro Suzuki: Ichiro Suzuki
Much like Ichiro, Ichiro consistently maintains an above average BABIP rate as Ichiro does mainly through Ichiro beating out infield ground balls. Both also hit for very little power and Ichiro has been known to mimic Ichiro’s propensity for stolen bases
by seattlebruin on Jul 15, 2010 9:00 AM PDT up reply actions
God you have a lot of random shit.
You know what this means? Yard sale!
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jul 15, 2010 5:54 AM PDT reply actions
This is absolutely amazing, Jeff
This is my favorite thing since the Mariners went camping and that asshole Ken Macha put out their fire.
If I had a 2nd SBN account,
I’d create a 3rd so I could rec this thrice.
What color was your Jason Vargas controller?
I got the red one with the GoWs. They are about as consistently enjoyable as a JV start. :) Wonderful post, Jeff! We need to start a “get Jeff a new camera” fund!
I still have a Richie Sexson bobble-head on my desk for smacking around.
I spent a lot of money to go to that Stanley Cup and it was pure torture from the beginning
Sniff…
Awesome post.
by Peter Raaymakers on Jul 15, 2010 8:36 AM PDT reply actions
Thanks to whoever provoked my Russell Branyan comment to get hidden.
I thought it was quite clever.
2010 Safeco Field Record: 1-1 ; Overall Safeco Field Record: 11-5
I love you
from a Giants fan.
Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.
"Out, out, Fred Lewis!" - JCTillam Gamerspeare
+1. Brilliance.
Hensley "Bam Bam" Meulens!
Better than you! Mejor que tú! Beter dan jij! 良い場合も! Mehor than abo!
"The trouble with baseball is that it is not played the year round." - Gaylord Perry
by GrahamCrakalaka on Jul 18, 2010 7:25 PM PDT up reply actions
Jeff, you're awesome.
Aaron King is still my homeboy... iffy mechanics and all
McFAQ for all you newcomers out there.
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