When is some columnist on a slow news day going to write humorous new lyrics to "Old Man River" in his honor?

Is he really akin to Eppa Rixey?

Can he get to  300 wins?

(oh, and Incidental Baseball Nudity (yes, SFW, and no, not Moyer))

How about those old galaxies?

Or the World's Oldest Cat?

Maybe some really old beer? (or beer from a realy old recipe?)

Or a really comfy pair of old shoes?