The Mariners if they were a co-ed softball team

I think we can all agree that baseball and slow pitch softball are basically the exact same game with only a couple of slight variances. What if these Mariners were a co-ed softball team?

Ichiro Suzuki: He'd be the small fast guy that bunts the ball and runs all the way to second before the gimpy third baseman can get to the ball.

Chone Figgins: Easily the one that knows the pitcher can't take a strike and just walks.

Franklin Gutierrez: The guy that can play everywhere and even plays pick-up basketball after the game is over. This is the guy that everyone's wives or girlfriends come to the game to watch.

Felix Hernandez: Just like Guti, but instead of playing ball afterward, he'll find someone's wife and girlfriend after the game. And that person won't mind cause hey, it's Felix.

Milton Bradley: The guy that takes the rec league games just a bit too seriously that you don't want to mess up with him anywhere around.

Ken Griffey Jr.: We've all been there, we get to the field in plenty of time and all the guys start filling in. But of course, this is the co-ed league and at least 3 girls must be on the field at all times. We have 2 there. What happens if a 3rd doesn't show up? Automatic out and you have to play a man down, making playing the outfield that much more difficult. So what is Jr? He's the lack of the third girl.

Eric Byrnes: The third girl that is basically worthless so you make her the catcher and hope there are no plays at the plate.