To Brighten Your Monday Night

As Mariners fans, we all have two things in common:

1) We want the Mariners to make us happy

2) Failing that, we want other teams to make their fans sad

The M's, right now, are 6-7 - not bad, and certainly better than they were, but they're still littered with questions. There's a lot to be nervous about. So, with that in mind, I say we ease our collective mind by finding solace in the misfortune of others.

• Rich Harden's velocity is down, his contact rate is way up, and he's walked or beaned more than a quarter of the batters he's faced
• Ben Sheets' velocity is down, his contact rate is up, and he's recorded more walks than strikeouts
• Scott Kazmir and Joe Saunders are a combined terrible with an ERA of pain
• Together, Taylor Teagarden, Andres Blanco, and Ryan Garko are 0-44
• Nelson Cruz has seven home runs, while the rest of the Rangers have three
• Brandon Wood is 4-39 with one walk and 12 strikeouts, dropping his career big league OBP to .209
• The Red Sox just got swept in a four-game series at home by Tampa Bay, and are already six back of first place and 5.5 back of New York. David Ortiz blows
• Miguel Batista is second on the Nationals in innings pitched
• And last, but not least, while we'll always have Arthur Rhodes, at least we'll never have this.