Pictures We Forgot
by Jeff Sullivan on Nov 3, 2010 10:19 AM PDT
in Miscellaneous
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Eric Byrnes appeared in just 15 games for the Mariners, coming to the plate just 38 times. He was set free on May 3rd a day after going 0-4, and at that point Cliff Lee had only made one start. This was a month before Griffey retired. It was a month before Kanekoa Texeira went away. Casey Kotchman was slugging .440. Franklin Gutierrez was batting .320. Doug Fister had a 1.29 ERA. Milton Bradley was an everyday player. The Mariners were two games back from the division lead.
Eric Byrnes started eight games, appeared in 15, and got released on May 3rd, and still I have far more memories of him than I do of, say, Chris Seddon, or David Pauley, or Luke French, who somehow combined to throw 14% of this team's total innings.
And that's Eric Byrnes. At least, that's who Eric Byrnes was. He was a 6'2, 205 nuclear-powered memory machine. Eric Byrnes was never a great player, and he was never a guy you'd want to build a franchise around, but he wasn't forgettable. Everything he did was an experience you'd want to tell your friends about the next day. Did you see that diving catch? Did you see that crazy swing on his strikeout? Did you see the way he sprinted around the bases after he popped a ball up? Did you see him throw his helmet, or leap, or awkwardly slide into second?
Eric Byrnes never failed to make an impression. He made an impression on the field, and when he wasn't on the field, he made an impression in the clubhouse. Last April, Eric Byrnes rode out of the locker room on a bicycle. And when he wasn't in the clubhouse, he made an impression anyway. Eric Byrnes finished off his three-year contract playing softball with his friends.
Though his time here was brief, Eric Byrnes was a character. This is how I choose to remember him.
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Discounting the results when he played...
Eric Byrnes was awesome.
by Charles Gipson on Nov 3, 2010 10:25 AM PDT up reply actions
I appreciated that comment coming from someone also named after an equally obscure, awesome player.
Eric Byrnes may have been more Mariner than anyone on the team for a month that wasn’t a September call-up.
Charles Gipson had a cannon for an arm
and was really fast, but was not a good base-stealer. I feel like I heard that a few times.
by Charles Gipson on Nov 3, 2010 10:37 AM PDT up reply actions
The helmet, the shades, the foot peeking out from behind the rest of his body
as if to say “hey look at this other ridiculous part of this scene” and that he’s being elbowed in the face
Eric Bynes was the key actor in a scene that no other Mariner would consider actualizing. No other 2010 Mariner could create a snapshot that would fit as a Tony Ja movie poster
by tsunamijesus on Nov 3, 2010 10:38 AM PDT up reply actions
So you're saying
He sucks as a starter but turns his team into an unstoppable force when he subs late in the game?
And by unstoppable force, I guess I mean a team who can almost play .500 ball. For the M’s this season, that’s as close to unstoppable as we got.
I am going to come into your house at night and rec up the place.
I miss him already.
"There! I just sold you for a cigarette! And I don't smoke!"
I like the sunglasses bouncing around on the ground there.
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett Mariners Minors
I wish Eric Byrnes the best.
To me, “the best” would be if he were captured by terrorists, tortured, and beheaded (all recorded and broadcast on the news, of course).
Did he run over your grandmother? strangle your baby?
That seems like a somewhat outsized reaction to a pretty harmless and entertaining C-plot to the 2010 Mariners. Why the vitriol?
You know if that happened he would find a way to make it exciting and entertaining.
Sprinting around the room with his hands tied behind his back and terrorists diving after him…. dancing jigs as terrorists fired guns at his feet…crashing awkwardly into crates of grenades as circus music plays in the background.
I am going to come into your house at night and rec up the place.
What a goofy goober
"Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly, the ill deeds along with the good and let me be judged accordingly. The rest is silence." ~ Dinobot
by beastwarking on Nov 3, 2010 11:11 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Baseball Reference lists his nickname as "Crash Test Dummy"
or “Pigpen”.
I’d go with the first. Seems to fit.
And the bicycle ride
was post-game following the most entertaining squeeze bunt attempt I’ve ever seen.
Remember him.
This whole thing reads like a eulogy. If Eric Byrnes is dead, I will go pour out a middle-class 40 on our curb later this evening…long live Eric Byrnes.
~Garrett Olson is my secret boyfriend~
I will pour out a hipster 40.
What is a hipster 40 you ask?
Wellyou probably haven’t heard of it….
by Ballard Erik on Nov 3, 2010 12:23 PM PDT up reply actions
Or more likely, everyone's heard of it but most people have decided that quality is more important
than whether the drink is mainstream
Does he have kids?
Whenever he dies, the world needs the mirth his family tree provides.
I am going to come into your house at night and rec up the place.
He does!
A daughter, I think, which was often the subject of his TV show when he was in Arizona. Also he has bulldogs.
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett Mariners Minors
by JY on Nov 3, 2010 12:46 PM PDT up reply actions
Don't think the bulldogs have any of his genes
They might use his jeans as a chew toy, though
by New England Fan on Nov 3, 2010 12:51 PM PDT reply actions
As a Giants fan, I have different memories of Byrnes
/avatar →
Proud Adoptive Parent of Jesus Guzman, RHP. 2010 Line: 0 H, 2 BB, 0.00 ERA. CALL HIM UP!
Bochy: What’s this fancy stat here?
IT Guy: That’s how often they get on base. I do not know why you keep asking me, I am here to fix your server.
Dunno what happened there
Proud Adoptive Parent of Jesus Guzman, RHP. 2010 Line: 0 H, 2 BB, 0.00 ERA. CALL HIM UP!
Bochy: What’s this fancy stat here?
IT Guy: That’s how often they get on base. I do not know why you keep asking me, I am here to fix your server.
by scout6 on Nov 3, 2010 12:55 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
This just proves that
all Eric Byrnes pictures are impossible to picture occurring to other ballplayers
yep,
Proud Adoptive Parent of Jesus Guzman, RHP. 2010 Line: 0 H, 2 BB, 0.00 ERA. CALL HIM UP!
Bochy: What’s this fancy stat here?
IT Guy: That’s how often they get on base. I do not know why you keep asking me, I am here to fix your server.
by scout6 on Nov 3, 2010 1:29 PM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
Motherfucking flagged.
You're dead to me.
by Goose on Nov 3, 2010 1:35 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
See, what I like about this...
is that if not for the movement implied, they look like they’re at a standoff, which could potentially end in Byrnes scampering off in the other direction.
Also, you’re a Jesus Guzman supporter, so rec for you.
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett Mariners Minors
by JY on Nov 3, 2010 5:16 PM PDT up reply actions
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