A Few Thoughts On Those Sign-Bearing Phillies Fans

I think most everybody saw this picture from last night:

Well, they were back again on Sunday, in place to taunt Pat Burrell.

A few things:

• Note the blue and maroon jackets. Note that those same jackets are seen holding signs directed at both Lincecum ("Hippy Trash", "This Guy Stinks") and Burrell ("Wife Cheats", "We're Sorry...Hippie"). Based on this, we can assume that those are the same two guys each day, and based on that, we can assume that those are the same four guys each day.


• For Lincecum, blue jacket guy holds a sign reading "Hippy". For Burrell, maroon jacket guy holds a sign reading "Hippie". Lest there be any confusion over who was creating these signs, it's evident that they were written by at least two different people. Based on the fonts, it would appear that each created his own.


• Maroon jacket guy's sign on Saturday - "This Guy Stinks" - is delightful in its ambiguity and its appropriateness in several situations, but it isn't specifically targeted towards Lincecum, and is the least funny of the four. Sunday, we see maroon jacket guy come back with "We're Sorry...Hippie", which, again, doesn't seem well-targeted towards Burrell, and is the least funny of the four. "Hippie" is too weak a word to use as a punchline, and the usage of an ellipsis automatically negates any and all humor achieved by words previous. Just having a sign isn't enough for maroon jacket guy to fit in. He needs to start doing his homework. These other guys are lapping him.


• The Burrell signs are funnier if you read them not as insults, but as personal confessions. This guy's wife cheats. This guy's a fat bed-wetter. This guy's pigeon-toed. No wonder they're all so mad at a baseball game. Their lives are shit.


• The two Burrell pictures were snapped just seconds apart. Look at Bed Wetter guy. Notice how quickly he switches to Fat Slob! guy. And note the difference in handwriting. "Bed Wetter" was written carefully, and there are several overlapping layers of ink. "Fat Slob!" was written hastily, and suitably sloppily. Clearly, the "Fat Slob!" side of the sign wasn't written at the same time as the "Bed Wetter" side, because then the handwriting would've matched up. "Fat Slob!" was written in a hurry. I suspect it was written during the game. I think maybe the guy wasn't feeling too confident in the veracity of the bed-wetting rumor, so rather than being left inaccurate or signless, he went simple and generic to make sure he at the very least brought something to the table.


• Everybody in the two Burrell photos is in pretty much the exact same position. Everybody, that is, except the guy in the white Phillies hat between "Hippie" and "Pigeon Toed". In the first picture, he's sitting. In the second picture, he's standing and laughing. That guy shot up out of his seat in the same amount of time it took the guy in the red jacket and the red Phillies hat at stage right to complete half of one clap.


• Tim Lincecum is never going to fix his teeth now, just so that one guy doesn't get the satisfaction. Now everybody loses. Nice going, sign guy.
  

Update:

• It didn't occur to me to fact-check the signs before, but after running some Googles, it turns out Freddy Sanchez is the pigeon-toed Giant, not Pat Burrell. These pictures were taken in the seventh inning. Freddy Sanchez was sitting in the dugout. Misspellings? Hastily-written backup placards? Erroneous presentation? It's like they didn't think this through at all. 

Second Update:

• It occurred to me in the morning that "We're Sorry...Hippie" isn't a joke, but rather an apology for Saturday's misspelling. That makes more sense, although the ellipsis is still awful. But now look what we're left with. We've got four signs on Saturday, and two of them don't have anything to do with the player to whom they're being shown. Unprofessional work.
  
  Apologizing for the spelling of 'hippie' also makes us go back on our assumption that different people are writing these signs. It still seems overwhelmingly likely, but I don't know if handwriting analysis stands up in court.

Third Update:

• Actually I believe that it does