The OT - 8/19/09

1. Patton Oswalt is awesome. I have fallen out of touch with standup these days, so I don’t really know who’s who, but I loves me some Patton Oswalt. He’s got a new concert on Comedy Central Sunday night. DVR it. David Cross is also good, when he’s not sucking.

2. Don’t give a damn.

3. Only one location? Barcelona. Because it’s one of the most awesome cities in the world and spending two weeks there on someone else’s dime would be awesome. Multiple locations? Thailand, Vietnam, and South Korea because I’ve never been.

4. No opinion. I mostly drink water and beer.

I worked at a video store at the turn of the century, and one day in the new releases was a new Andrew Dice Clay standup. We popped it in during closing, and ye gods. It was sort of an attempted comeback, but for a guy whose whole schtick was cock-of-the-walk, Dice was fat, old and really nervous. He kept tripping over his punchlines, and at one point he tried the cigarette drag-behind the head thing and he couldn’t reach! It was hard to watch and I kind of actually felt bad, but then I remembered he was trying to profit from this [donkeypunch to the stomach].

1. The last standup show I saw was Daniel Tosh. Holy crap, that guy is seriously funny.

2. I’m still in Brett Favre overload. I haven’t seen any preseason games and I’m not doing fantasy football this year. Maybe the gridiron is losing its grip on me. Besides, it’s footy season.

3. Damn you, PDB for sneaking into my head. I got to spend a week in Valencia a couple years ago and it was awesome. I’d love to go up to Barcelona and down to Malaga.

4. I’m glad Sierra Mist was not considered for this comparison. It’s 7-Up for me.

I figured that offtop was going to last until the end of the week. That purple tongue was the best gif I found in weeks, and it’s going to get its appropriate screen time.

SAVOR IT.

*Comedians: Mitch Hedberg (best), Louis C.K. (best living), Stephen Lynch (best music). There are some other great guys (Patton Oswalt, Jimmy Carr, Flight of the Conchords, ect.) but those 3 are my top.

*NFL predictions that I just threw together in 10 mins and don’t totally stand behind:
AFC: E- NE / N- BAL / S- IND / W- SD (Easiest pick ever) / WC1 – PIT / WC2 – HOU
NFC: E- NYG / N – GB / S- NO / W – SEA / WC1- CHI / WC2- MIN
Superbowl: NE over GB

*I really have no idea.

*7up. Sprite literally makes me vomit, I’m allergic to it or something.

The music is amazing, and it makes me happy because the guy rapping sounds like Dan Aykroyd.

especially when it is combined with saltine crackers.

Mitch Hedberg, Louis CK, Gabriel Iglesias

SEA, GB, ATL, NYG

SD, PITT, INDY, NE

Kauai

Sprite – 7up is ass.

While there are a great many other places I’d like to go, Paris is fairly spendy. Anywhere else, I wouldn’t care about posh hotels and fancy restaurants. But put me up in Paris? Yes please.

1. David Cross, Todd Barry, Mitch Hedberg, Steven Wright, the boys from Stella, and then some people I’ve only heard a little bit but I love, including Aziz Ansari and Eugene Mirman. There are other guys I like, but I won’t list them all.

2. I can’t remember the last time I cared less about the NFL than I do this year, but I’ll go out on a limb and say the Patriots will be good.

3. I’d like to go to Ireland and England. I’m really tired of going to going to Mexico and Las Vegas.

4. Fresca.

His last two tours have been ‘meh’ to ‘bleah’, but everything before that has been amazing.

I too am out of touch with the Young Folks and their Newfangled Stand-up comedy. Once upon a time I knew them all, but now, not so much.

Football? Sometimes I see it in passing, and I’ve been known to go to peoples’ houses for the SuperDuper (no TM infraction) Bowl, but no predictions here. That would involve actually knowing who made up the divisions.

Only two weeks? Well, I guess I have to go back to England and get to all the places I missed when there as a relative yout. Especially pubs. And Wales. And Scotland. And Cornwall. Theatre. Sightseeing. Pubs.

Fresca if you put back the cyclamates. Sprite or 7-up both work.

1. Lewis Black is probably my favorite. He’s actually good at the “shout until I have a heart attack routine” because he actually looks like he’s about to keel over (unlike Dane Cook, who just looks like a mental patient). I haven’t seen a ton of Mitch Hedberg, but he seems pretty funny.

2. Seahawks are gonna win it all. That’s all that matters.

3. Probably France. Seems like it’d be an interesting place with a ton of places to visit.

4. Neither. I do like Sierra Mist, however.

I don’t mean who are the five best Mariners – in fact, it’s usually more interesting if a few of them aren’t established or even good. Another way of asking: which five Mariners do you most fervently hope to see succeed or have the strongest emotional attachment to, and why? Which ones do you root for the most? Another way to look at it: If you could have five free Mariners jerseys, which five players would you put on the back?

I’d say for me, it’s
1. Gutz – I love good outfielding, and he’s the second coming of Mike Cameron, my favorite player, as you can tell.
2. Ichiro – …
3. Felix – more fun to watch than anyone in baseball for me.
4. Snell – I wrote way too much about him here.
5. Kelley – I just loved how he threw in April – he was the only reliever we had that made me feel safe.

How that man spun his boring, lame routine into a lucrative career I will never understand.

Patton Oswalt, Steven Wright, Richard Pryor, Mitch Hedberg

Don’t know. I like football and I get emotionally invested once the season starts, but I don’t follow it all that closely league-wide.

Germany, Eastern Europe, Japan or South America.

Kombucha

Well I’m going to see Demetri Martin on Saturday, he’s up there among my favorites.

Don’t want to do football predictions

Spain or Scandinavia

Sierra Mist

ballplayers lying about injuries and Jimmy Caple on Adrian’s injury

Two weeks to try to see all there is to see at the Smithsonian Institution’s museums

I just haven’t spent enough time there and it would even better if it was free.

If I could get a no-explosion vacation, I’d like to go to Israel and Egypt.

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