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Around SBN: 2011 In Extreme Home Runs

Of all the arms, of all the men, of all the teams that play

Rip_tiny by Attractive Nuisance on

***UPDATE***

Thank you all for the excessively kind comment and email responses.  Your exuberant reaction encouraged me to publish a version of this poem in The Seattle Times.  I had to edit the language to suit the different audience, but I hope the spirit remains the same.

***END UPDATE***

 

Of all the arms of all the men of all the teams that play

by Jordan Connors

Of all the arms, of all the men, of all the teams that play,
The wall attacked our phenom's left, and crashed our hopes away.

His WAR was ever-rising, just months past twenty-five,
But seemed to need revising, after a crashing fearless dive.

Silva yelled "Ay dios mio," Sweeney screamed "Good God!"
Ichiro said "Oyamaa," Bedard gave a subtle nod.

Rick Rizzs exclaimed "the kid is hurt," amidst the somber mood,
Vegas said "it's over" and PECOTA said "you're screwed!"

The blogosphere was flooded with reaction to the stings,
Of the impending resurrection of all flying things,

Poochie typed "NONONO," OlSalty wrote "OH FUCK!"
Teej said "That looked rough." Royal curve quipped "OH FUCK."

ChaseB banged out "It's over," Robert put "JESUS FUCK"
JBell wrote "Sell Sell Sell," darmok said "Fuck Fuck."

joof opined "FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK...
...FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK."

The clubhouse was quiescent, as the players huddled in,
Silva had a sandwich, but nobody had a grin.

Spirits large hours before, were shrinking ever small,
A loss suffered to the Tigers and one suffered to the wall.

The moments passed, the silence crept, encircling as a tomb,
As if UZR personified had died there in that room.

Then suddenly, from the jacuzzi, rose a man named Ken,
Pausing from his manicure, dropping "Just for Men."

He put his cap on backwards and he declared "Wait a minute.
The season's just half over, we've got plenty time to win it."

"I once was a center fielder; I was only twenty-five,
When my season was upended by a crashing fearless dive."

"We didn't have PECOTA, but the papers said we're dead.
With the baseball gods against us, we stared at the ground and said:"

"Of all the arms, of all the men, of all the teams that play,
The wall attacked our phenom's left, and crashed our hopes away."

"But a funny thing happened on the way to last place,
Our misfortune brought us closer, set us off in a chase."

"We trailed the same old Angels, draped in Devil's red,
And five-and-a-half, was thirteen games instead."

"But thirteen became eight, then six, then two, then finally none.
Then we clipped the Angel wings with nine runs to their one."

"So stand up, drop that sandwich Silva, now's the time to choose,
Will we listen to PECOTA or will we refuse to lose?"

They didn't say a word, but no words needed saying,
As they rose to their feet, like swords to a slaying.

Griffey channeled Edgar, and Gutz channeled The Kid.
Felix channeled Randy and the way his slider slid.

Loafie channeled Cora, with his endless hustling grit,
Ronny channeled Sojo and his ever-famous hit.

Langerhans took Coleman, and Branyan channeled Bone,
Aardsma took Ayala, till he heard the clubhouse groan.

So DA channeled Nellie, and Lowe channeled Risley,
Olson took the Sheriff and let his chin grow grizzly.

Rob and Kenji channeled Wilson, Hannahan took Blowers,
Bedard invited interviews that lasted nearly hours.

Ichiro channeled Tino, and those home runs came in handy,
Wash said "bless 'the Bos,' but I'm also taking Randy!"

Niehaus channeled Niehaus and Wak took Sweet Lou,
And Z traded some Newfields for a Benes or two.

And so it was that on that day, despite the gruesome fall,
The Mariners came together like a phenom and a wall.

Comment 270 comments  |  139 recs  | 

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This might be the greatest thing to ever appear on this site.

Comments, fanposts, front page stuff, all of it.

Bravo good sir. Bravo indeed.

The Rise of a Superstar:Justin Upton-.398wOBA, 21 years old.

by Goose on Jul 22, 2009 2:49 AM PDT reply actions  

This needs to be moved to the front page.

The Rise of a Superstar:Justin Upton-.398wOBA, 21 years old.

by Goose on Jul 22, 2009 2:52 AM PDT up reply actions  

Wow

… wow.

...and now I'm here

by CapSea on Jul 22, 2009 3:10 AM PDT reply actions  

Now one of my favorite poems ever.

Brought a smile to my face and some hope to my heart.

I actually bought a Betancourt t-shirt.

by Hopefulmsfan on Jul 22, 2009 4:59 AM PDT reply actions  

Absolutely wonderful

“Washburn said forget “the Bos,” I’m also taking Randy."

LOVE it.

by TheTank123 on Jul 22, 2009 7:10 AM PDT reply actions  

Amazing

Shit nearly brought a tear to my eye

I want to poop at your house - Thingray

by tootthekazoo on Jul 22, 2009 8:14 AM PDT reply actions  

Did bring a tear to mine.

I like using semi-colons; they make me feel smart.

by Llewdor on Jul 22, 2009 12:48 PM PDT up reply actions  

Yup.

Yesterday's Pants
A blog-thingy about the Mariners and stuff.

by BrettJMiller on Jul 27, 2009 5:10 AM PDT up reply actions  

The only legitimate reason to break the "stop talking about 1995" rule.

Unbelievably cool. I logged in just to rec this. Too many clever lines to choose from. More inspiring than any of the rally videos they’ve played at SafeCo this year.

Here’s hoping no one cheapens your post with some lame Braveheart reference or something.

by Spoomeister on Jul 22, 2009 8:36 AM PDT reply actions  

Arma virumque cano... nice hat tip to Virgie

also, Angels wrapped in devil’s red is a nice touch.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 22, 2009 8:42 AM PDT reply actions   1 recs

Because poetry is an art form that everyone thinks they can do but that maybe .000001 of the population can actually do

There are a few exceptions to my hatred of poetry but by and large I find it tedious. I know that a lot of lyrics are poetry (or at least vaguely poetic), but the addition of the music to the lyrics tends to smooth out a lot of the rough edges, as it were.

Nice Guys Finish Third - My semantics are a waste of time.

by pdb on Jul 22, 2009 9:09 AM PDT up reply actions  

The same is true for music (or any other art form)

you just have to filter out the crap.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 22, 2009 9:14 AM PDT up reply actions  

My most treasured book ever is an original print of great American poetry published in 1909.

I found it at a yard sale as a kid. I have always been fascinated by poetry, but I feel like the art is mostly dead in modern times.

by Sec 108 on Jul 22, 2009 9:19 AM PDT up reply actions  

I think people have felt this way every year since ever

when reading older work you have the benefit of having the filtering done for you by generations of readers and critics. I mean, taking only English language work, in any given generation there are what, two, three, maybe five poets whose work is read 50 years later.

Unless by modern you mean 20th century, in which case I have to respectfully disagree. FWIW people have been announcing the death of the novel every decade since Dickens.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 22, 2009 9:29 AM PDT up reply actions  

Seems about right.

Although the “generation” distinction might be a little tricky. I’d say within particular “movements”. For example, the Confessional Poets and the Beat Poets were somewhat contemporary, so you have people who read Plath and Lowell and Roethke and people who read Ginsberg, Baraka, and Corso (why, I don’t know). Even there, some people would have trouble making the distinctions: some put Ginsberg in both categories, and Williams, a “modernist”, as though that means something, hung out with Ginsberg a bit in his later years.

Maybe that’s just the more recent perception talking, but I could go back to around the turn of the century and still rattle off names.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 10:12 AM PDT up reply actions  

Poetry has been mostly irrelevent for decades now.

The term no longer seems to signify anything in particular.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 10:06 AM PDT up reply actions  

I wouldn't go so far as to call it "irrelevant"

but it is definitely not an art form I enjoy.

Nice Guys Finish Third - My semantics are a waste of time.

by pdb on Jul 22, 2009 10:10 AM PDT up reply actions  

That's me talking though.

I like poetry, but I hate what poetry has become in recent years.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 10:12 AM PDT up reply actions  

I think this hits the nail on the head

and I blame Bukowski more than anyone else. Seems like anyone who does not use complete sentences or makes some odd line breaks can call their shit poetry, which it isn’t necessarily. But I don’t let that take away from legitimately excellent stuff being produced by living writers.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 22, 2009 10:22 AM PDT up reply actions  

Bukowski is definitely at fault there.

Not a huge fan of Ginsberg either. His work is powerful in the language he uses, but frequently sloppy and though he was alive for another forty years after Howl and Kaddish, he basically did nothing but live off that reputation.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 10:34 AM PDT up reply actions  

Howl is good enough on its own

I’ve never read anything else by him or any other beats – I’m just not into what they’re all about. There was a hilarious review of a recent Bukowski collection in the New Yorker. Money quote: “Bukowski’s free verse is really a series of declarative sentences broken up into a long, narrow column, the short lines giving an impression of speed and terseness even when the language is sentimental or clichéd.”

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 22, 2009 10:40 AM PDT up reply actions  

"graphomaniacal fecundity"
An uncannily prolific afterlife was something that Bukowski counted on. As early as 1970, he wrote to his editor, "just think, someday after I’m dead and they start going for my poems and stories, you will have a hundred stories and a thousand poems on hand. you just don’t know how lucky you are, babe." In the next quarter century, the surplus grew, thanks to Bukowski’s nearly graphomaniacal fecundity. "I usually write ten or fifteen [poems] at once," he said, and he imagined the act of writing as a kind of entranced combat with the typewriter, as in his poem "cool black air": "now I sit down to it and I bang it, I don’t use the light / touch, I bang it."

That makes sense.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 10:59 AM PDT up reply actions  

I don't blame Bukowski as much as the fact that everyone who's ever gotten drunk

now thinks they are/can be Bukowski. Tough to pin that on him, but I understand where you’re coming from.

(I like poetry, but I too don’t care/don’t know about much recent stuff. There’s still good stuff out there, but outside of school it’s impossible to do the required filtering yourself.)

by marc w on Jul 22, 2009 10:35 AM PDT up reply actions  

OK, so maybe I can't blame Bukowski for his emulators

but he is pretty crap all on his own and validates them, in a way. As for the filtering, I’d never manage on my own but have a couple friends that did MFAs who tip me off to good stuff. I like about 1/4 of what they send me.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 22, 2009 10:43 AM PDT up reply actions  

Same with me.

And… people like Milosz lived into the 21st century, so I can’t say that all ‘new’ poetry is bad, or even Bukowski-ish.

(I like 1/100th of what Bukowski did, and yes, he wrote too much. Much the same way that I like 1/5th or 1/10th of Sufjan Stevens over-productive musical output.)

by marc w on Jul 22, 2009 11:03 AM PDT up reply actions  

That's fair

I think I’d hate him less if I didn’t spend three years working at a used book store on the Ave.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 22, 2009 11:14 AM PDT up reply actions  

Bukowski thought he was Bukowski.

I can pin that on him.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 10:59 AM PDT up reply actions  

I don't like Bukowski for the same reasons I find Henry Miller tedious.

Ham on Rye is better than Post Office, I suppose?

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 12:38 PM PDT up reply actions  

Whole different ballgame

Maddux and Feierabend aren’t the same pitcher, even if their stuff looks kinda similar on the surface. There’s a lot more to cummings than funky line breaks non-alphanumerics.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 27, 2009 1:07 AM PDT up reply actions  

Leonard Cohen begs to differ.

I like using semi-colons; they make me feel smart.

by Llewdor on Jul 22, 2009 12:52 PM PDT up reply actions  

That's like saying Bob Dylan is best known for "Tarantula".

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 1:04 PM PDT up reply actions  

That's a bit unexpected

I mean, there’s so much and its all so different. Shakespeare? No? Yeats? The epic stuff (Iliad, Gilgamesh, Kalevala etc)? Limericks?

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 22, 2009 9:05 AM PDT up reply actions  

This guy's recs / post must be insane

Probably not sustainable; I’d expect regression.

He’s on pace for a historic RARP (recs above replacement poster) year!

Well done.

by PDXTai on Jul 22, 2009 9:02 AM PDT reply actions   2 recs

Ha...corrected, thanks!

Though, it was a quote. I can’t help it if PECOTA is illiterate. Shoulda put “[sic].”

by Attractive Nuisance on Jul 22, 2009 9:22 AM PDT up reply actions  

Outstanding.

I even love the meter and rhyming scheme.

Fear the NPE

by thewyrm on Jul 22, 2009 9:47 AM PDT via mobile reply actions  

Obscurity?

I don’t know a lot of poetry, but I do know some Robert Service because my dad used to read a few poems of his to me when I was a kid. He’d memorized The Cremation of Sam McGee.

I agree that this poem does seem similar in style.

angels fan in seattle

by Eyebrows on Jul 22, 2009 1:12 PM PDT up reply actions  

Try "Gilligan's Island."

It works. Just repeat the last four syllables of any given stanza at a regular interval for that “a three hour tour, a three hour tour” effect.

I don't know how to stop.

by esoteric on Jul 22, 2009 3:50 PM PDT up reply actions  

Wellest of well dones!

Great entertaining read…

This signature space for rent.

by PositivePaul on Jul 22, 2009 11:37 AM PDT via mobile reply actions  

...

e
                            q

r
                         j

by Aaron Campeau on Jul 22, 2009 12:08 PM PDT up reply actions   7 recs

Overrated, but he can be fun sometimes.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 6:43 PM PDT up reply actions  

William Carlos Williams

so much depends
upon

our sexy center
fielder

whose arm hit
wall

at a very high
velocity

by marc w on Jul 22, 2009 3:24 PM PDT up reply actions   6 recs

Third stanza could use an "a"

otherwise, YES.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 3:30 PM PDT up reply actions  

ee cummings

Gutierrez is like a perhaps arm
(which comes gracefully
out of Nowhere)cleaning
a window,through which pitchers look(while
people stare
subtracting and shifting placing
carefully there a beautiful
thing and removing that double)and

changing everything carefully

Gutierrez is like a perhaps
Arm in a rotation
(carefully to
and fro adjusting each Top and
Bottom, while pundits and
fans stare carefully
moving a perhaps
half a run of RA here placing
an inch of runs scored there)and

without any shame.

by marc w on Jul 22, 2009 4:02 PM PDT up reply actions   4 recs

Do Whitman next!

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 4:50 PM PDT up reply actions  

This in particular:

“And after Aardsma blows that final save
(A line drive homer just over the wall)
He’ll turn away from Drayer and will say:
“That was not the right pitch at all.
That was not what I meant to throw, at all”"

…is pure genius.

I don't know how to stop.

by esoteric on Jul 23, 2009 1:47 PM PDT up reply actions  

Yeah yeah I know

it’s not Whitman. I’m just not that into Whitman.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 22, 2009 9:28 PM PDT up reply actions  

I'm not into Whitman either.

But there are parts of Song of Myself where it’s pretty clear he’s just beating off, and that seemed appropriate given the general attitude towards Branyan and Gutierrez.

I don’t agree with the overall tone as I don’t think Wak has given us a great deal to complain about yet, nor has he been horribly indecisive, but I dig Prufrock and you did well with it.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 22, 2009 9:44 PM PDT up reply actions  

Thanks

I am not complaining about Wak at all. If anything, it is DW who is complaining about what he has to work with. I wanted, originally, to do Griffey (I grow old… I grow old…) but it was much easier to fit a manager into the defeated, prevaricating Prufrock persona.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 22, 2009 10:22 PM PDT up reply actions  

As long as we're all giving each other tongue baths

I thought I’d mention that I love your sig and plan to use it as the epigraph of my thesis, if I ever get that far. It is amazingly appropriate for molecular biology (which is basically years and years of trial and error with maybe some payoff at the end).

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 23, 2009 2:55 PM PDT up reply actions  

Whitman (for JY)

I hear M’s fans singing; pleas, carols, entreaties
Those of the moderators, as they should be: logical and witty
Of acblue, singing his as he grabs his beam
Of yencich, singing as he studies, or sings when he should be studying
Of Faux, singing about holocausts of those who build inferior walls, or who hate mayonnaise
Of abender’s song, about how if he isn’t well, he will fly to detroit to apply a salve. somewhere.
The sublime song of Robert, virile yet unhinged; or the song of RC
pining for Bedard.
Each singing what they desire, what they want for themselves and no other
(Each day Gutz is healthy – each night he parties with abandon and flexibility)
Singing with mouths open, fingers pointing inwards, beckoning him.

by marc w on Jul 23, 2009 1:05 AM PDT up reply actions   7 recs

Very good

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 23, 2009 1:17 PM PDT up reply actions  

Woot!

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 23, 2009 2:41 PM PDT up reply actions  

Bukowski

i was in a shithole bar
when I saw you hit the wall
i grabbed my cock without thinking
fucking watery scotch
when I have things
to think about
i sat here
for hours because
i don’t know what
would help

bartender should be shot
and you
you need to get better

i got drunk and
watched langerhans
and felt nothing

by marc w on Jul 23, 2009 12:25 AM PDT up reply actions   5 recs

Frost

Gutz’ first step is gold
Amazing to behold
His bat lacked once some power
But only so an hour
Then fence smacked into Gooch
So Eve she screwed the pooch
Is it because he’s gay?
Nothing gold can stay

by marc w on Jul 23, 2009 12:41 AM PDT up reply actions   5 recs

Wallace Stevens!

Disillusionment of Seven O’Clock

The fields are haunted
By white jerseys.
None are Gar’s,
Or Randy’s with flowing mullet,
Or Bone’s with razored head,
Or Moyer with day-old stubble.
None of them are strange,
With socks of height
And buckled cap bills.
People are not going
To dream of batting champs and perfect games.
Only here and there, an old die-hard,
Drunk and asleep in his cleets,
Catches foul balls
In Kingdome seats.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 23, 2009 10:41 AM PDT up reply actions   5 recs

Love it!

(You got Carl Sandburg? What else…. Donne? Christopher Smart? I may save Chaucer for a happier occasion. Plath? Seems like that’d work. Obviously Dickinson. Someone needs to do Dickinson. And an imitation Def Poetry JamSlam would be fun)

by marc w on Jul 23, 2009 10:48 AM PDT up reply actions  

I almost did that instead of Silverstein...

I’ve got his ABC book started, but have to work now. So I get dibs on this when I get home…

This signature space for rent.

by PositivePaul on Jul 23, 2009 12:47 PM PDT up reply actions  

OK HERE GOES!!!

Big A Little A What begins with A?
Aardsma’s Awesome Action Arm A… A… A…
Big B Little B What begins with B?
Branyan’s Big Bazooka and a Blast, baby!
Big C Little C What begins with C?
Cedeno on the ceiling, C… C… C…
Big D Little D Donut Diggin’ Dude
Drove a Dozen Dingers Past a Dud named JD Drew!
Big E Little E What begins with e?
Endy ended everything E… E… E…
Big F Little F What begins with F?
Festoon Felix Fervently, Friendly Friend of Jeff!
A B C D E F G
Gazing Grandly at Hyphen’s Goggles G… G… G…
Big H Little H Hungry Halman, Hey!
Hit it Here and Hit it There Horaay Hooraaay!
I i I i What begins with I?
Ichiro is itchy and so am I!
Big J Little J What begins with J?
Jerry’s jumpy trade suggestions; Gosh those are so gay!
K…k K… k… Kitten Kangaroo
Keep that Kenji far from Felix’s Kickin’ Kingly ‘Doo!
L.. l… L… l… Little Lopez Lobs
A Leftfield Lazy Liner – Langerhans gives Lauds!
Big M Little M Many Men named Mike
Are Making Midgame Mudpies that Matthew might not Like
Big N Little N What begins with those?
Not the little pimples on Feierabend’s big Nose!
O is very useful, you use it when you go:
“Outs are very tough to come by for Olson and Corco!”
A b c d e f g H i j k l m n o…. P!
Painted-plate pure pitches, Posi-Paul in a Pail
Playing Pepper promptly And now PDB’s in the Pail!
Big Q Little Q What begins with Q?
The Quick quips of Quiroz who’s no longer in the Queue…
Big R Little R Ryan Rowland-Smith
Ryan’s now done Riding on the Rainier’s Rhubarb Ride.
S… s… S… S… Silly Silva’s Slick
Sipped Batista’s Soda and got Sick, Sick, Sick!
T… t… T… t… Ten tired Tailors
Tacking Tuiasosopo Jerseys…
Big U Little U What begins with U?
Not Jakubauskas, but he does have a few!
V.. v.. V.. v.. Vargas, Vega, Wlad!
One of these V’s is very, very bad!
W.. w.. W… Willie’s on the Loo
Watching wins in Washington, which are won by Wakamatsu!
X is very useful if your name is Austin Dirkx.
Who’s not on the M’s no more, those stupid dumb-ass jerks!
Big Y Little Y A YAAAAAWWWWwnning GM Jack
Who’s used to dumping useless stuff and yanking young studs back!
A b c d e f g H i j k l m n o p Q r s t u v W x y aaaaaand
Z!!!!!
Big Z little Z what begins Z?
I do, I’m “Zduriencik’s biggest fan” as you can plainly see!

This signature space for rent.

by PositivePaul on Jul 23, 2009 10:37 PM PDT up reply actions   8 recs

Pretty good.

‘Gosh those are gay’ belongs in every abecedarium

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 23, 2009 10:49 PM PDT up reply actions  

Man, I'd love to try Donne.

I don’t know how to make it work though, and I think my book of his works with the notes is back in Seattle.

Sandburg’s possible. I think Yeats would create some pretty interesting results, maybe something based off the Lake Isle of Innisfree, or The Second Coming. Hopkins would be fun, but sprung rhythm… Crane, Pound maybe. That’s all just modernism too.

If someone could bust out some William Blake version…

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 23, 2009 2:40 PM PDT up reply actions  

No Second Troy!

would be perfect for Felix (Troy being… red sox?)

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 23, 2009 2:56 PM PDT up reply actions  

The original

WHY should I blame her that she filled my days
With misery, or that she would of late
Have taught to ignorant men most violent ways,
Or hurled the little streets upon the great,
Had they but courage equal to desire? 5
What could have made her peaceful with a mind
That nobleness made simple as a fire,
With beauty like a tightened bow, a kind
That is not natural in an age like this,
Being high and solitary and most stern? 10
Why, what could she have done being what she is?
Was there another Troy for her to burn?

GO GO GO

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 23, 2009 3:02 PM PDT up reply actions  

A vain attempt at an imitation of the above poem

Why should the fence be blamed that hurt his arm
For it intended but a fond caress
And meant not that its sweet should come to harm
Instead of damning, we should rather bless,
The wall that let him fall upon the grass
And come back with an X-ray negative
For with such speed may utter horror pass,
The wall seems less to take and more to give
Us back a Franklin worthy of his name,
Being a worthy steward of our field.
Why, which of us would not have done the same?
To touch him would be sweetest joy congealed.

by Garfield on Jul 25, 2009 4:57 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

I dig it

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 25, 2009 6:03 PM PDT up reply actions  

If you had a few years to put into it you could give Spencer a shot

but everyone will just read the reaction thread.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 23, 2009 2:58 PM PDT up reply actions  

Spenser

A gentle knight was wandering the field
Yclad in purest white and navy blue
In him old dints of deep wounds were revealed
The hamstrings halted and the knees untrue
Yet who he had been all around well knew.
His lovely swing aroused the beating heart
Though all too often now it but swung through
The pitches he attempted. Still, a part
Of every fan was hoping he could start.

And on his helm a compass rose he bore
A dear remembrance of who he had been
As were the colored garments that he wore,
With their bright badges full of blue and green,
In which his ancient glory had been seen.
With bated breath they watched his each at-bat
And parsed each swing to tell what it could mean
For while he wore a Mariner’s true hat
They prayed that he should hit what he swung at.

But as each plate appearance showed his worth,
His value as a hitter, and his skill
So much abated, and his growing girth
Increased beyond the power of his will
Some came to think he’d passed beyond the hill
And that his bat was valueless to men.
They saw a rising champion to shill
In whom they watched his glory come again
From Safeco Field unto the Ways of Fen.

Yet both were needed, for they both could see
With eyes that pierced into the pitcher’s mind.
The elder could not swing as easily
And yet somehow the patience he could find
To watch the ball pass over or behind
The zone of strike, and so obtain a pass.
The younger man’s sharp strokes were often lined
Into the field where they would still harass
The fielders who must chase them in the grass.

And then the younger fell – alack the day -
Much like the elder had so long before.
A centerfielder on the grass he lay;
And all men feared he lay within his gore.
His wrist might shatter and then nevermore
Be flexible as it had been. But then
It was revealed that he was merely sore
And would indeed return to play again
And all the fans cried out a great Amen.

Still may the team trot both men to the plate
Still may their bats speak out with doubled voice.
The chances of the team may not be great
And yet within their hearts the fans rejoice.
For there will be no sympathetic choice
To run Great Griffey into centerfield
When Gutierrez still his glove may hoist
And in the lineup may his great bat wield.
All praise the day when Gutierrez healed.

by Garfield on Jul 25, 2009 7:09 PM PDT up reply actions   5 recs

And I'd love to try Kit Smart

I think a random sampling of GTE gets rather close to the ecstatic/totally insane jubilate agno period.

(I’m thinking about how to do Blake).

by marc w on Jul 23, 2009 4:53 PM PDT up reply actions  

William Blake

Yuni, Yuni, burning bright
As our shortstop every night
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy errors gone awry?

To what distant deeps or skies
Went the throws our shortstop tries?
On what wings dare he aspire?
Where the skills we did admire?

And what pitcher, & what art.
Did pull the bat and ball apart?
And with thy legs no longer fleet,
What dread eye? & what dread feet?

What the value? what the gain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the virtue? what dread grasp
Did your former skillset clasp?

When the fans threw down their jeers,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did you smile the town to flee?
Did Jack who traded Putz trade thee?

Yuni! Yuni! burning bright
As our shortstop every night
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy errors gone awry?

by Garfield on Jul 25, 2009 9:11 PM PDT up reply actions   5 recs

Nice piece of work. All of them are wonderful of course

Perhaps the attraction to this one is the focus on Yuni.

by Kermit. on Jul 25, 2009 11:46 PM PDT up reply actions  

Nice.

Of course, the songs of Experience on their own, by and large, are worthless without the accompanying Song of Innocence, right? London would be the exception I think. But i would hate to see anything Mariner related modeled after London. Too dark.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 26, 2009 8:30 AM PDT up reply actions  

Thanks

But not sure I agree about Blake. Songs of Innocence and Experience certainly complement each other nicely, but I’d hold short of saying either is useless without the other. Some are worth less, like Infant Joy, but none are worthless.

However, in deference to your opinions, I threw something together:

Ichiro, who signed thee?
Dost thou know who signed thee?
Gave thee cash & bid thee swing,
Hitting almost everything;
Gave thee right field for to play,
Perfect defense every day;
Gave thee first chance at the bat,
Which all of our games begat?
Ichiro, who signed thee?
Dost thou know who signed thee?

Ichiro, I’ll tell thee,
Ichiro, I’ll tell thee:
He is known as Standing Pat
Like you never do at bat.
He is meek & he is mild;
In his reign the M’s ran wild.
They ran wild while you ran.
Let’s return where he began.
Ichiro, God bless thee!
Ichiro, God bless thee!

by Garfield on Jul 26, 2009 12:54 PM PDT up reply actions   3 recs

Way to go.

now draw some shitty watercolors to go with these and you’ll be required reading!

Seriously though, do any of these poems (I mean Blake, not what people are doing in the thread) have any real aesthetic value on their own, outside the social context at the time and as part of the collection? I would say precious few, and even for those that value is limited. But I don’t want to get into all that really… Maybe it’s a personal thing.

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 26, 2009 2:08 PM PDT up reply actions  

Unfortunately

My painting is even worse than Blake’s…

As to the question of Blake’s poetry and its aesthetic value…I’d agree that the collection is larger than the sum of its parts (indeed, much larger) and is, again, of much higher value when considered in the social context of the time. (Then again, I’m a New Historicist English grad student, so I have a vested interest in saying social context matters). But for me personally, at least a few of the poems are quite good outside the collection (The Tyger not least of them). But I do think that does come down to personal taste.

by Garfield on Jul 26, 2009 2:41 PM PDT up reply actions  

Wow, I've never heard of New Historicism,

but I see that its founded (?) by Stephen Greenblatt. I got his book Will in the World for Christmas a few years ago, but I haven’t read it. What’s the explanation you give when people as “what’s New Historicism?”

by Decatur on Jul 26, 2009 9:50 PM PDT up reply actions  

Here it is

It’s a way of interpreting literature that focuses on how different parts of culture (politics, daily life, the arts, etc) all interact rather than either a) focusing on just the literature itself or b) fitting the literature into a theory (like Marxism). Historicism because it deals with the historical context, New because it’s the second wave of people doing this sort of thing.

by Garfield on Jul 27, 2009 7:55 AM PDT up reply actions  

Huh....

Yeah, I don’t mind that. It’s probably the only other theory I could get on board with, but I’ve always approached it from a Contextualist background because I’m old school like that. So, all that cultural stuff, plus the artist’s life so long as you don’t get too rambunctious with it.

I don’t get why people bother with Marxist/Feminist/Freudian/etc criticism. It’s just so narrow and frequently worthless. I was reading a book of criticism on Cormac McCarthy a while back where the author was straining, frustrated, because he couldn’t make an Oedipal connection in The Road.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 27, 2009 10:01 AM PDT up reply actions  

Ohhh Mr. G.

That’s all. I got nothing.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains. -- P&P&Z

by Two Rs and Two Ls on Jul 26, 2009 10:26 PM PDT up reply actions  

Donne -

Ask not for whom the bullpen phone rings?

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 27, 2009 1:13 AM PDT up reply actions  

Dickinson

Chilling grass for ecstatic Padding!
The tardy groundskeeper–
His blame.
’T is the thoughts of the Majors:
Mariners drown in divisions past.

by sammy on Jul 23, 2009 2:56 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

A+

De Gutibus non disputandum est

by Bearskin Rugburn on Jul 23, 2009 1:16 PM PDT up reply actions  

This is AMAZING

but it really makes me wish we would have won last night.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains. -- P&P&Z

by Two Rs and Two Ls on Jul 22, 2009 12:57 PM PDT reply actions  

Yes, a win last night in honor of sexy gutz would have been the foundation for this work.

Emerald City Funk Machine

by blackvanilla on Jul 22, 2009 1:57 PM PDT up reply actions  

Love love love

That’s what I’m feeling. I am really sad that I missed the arma virumque reference until Bear pointed it out.

by pygmalion on Jul 22, 2009 1:27 PM PDT reply actions  

From zero to hero in one post!

I was at Shea for the Felix-Slam!
Personal M's record: 5-4.

by EnglishMariner on Jul 22, 2009 2:01 PM PDT reply actions  

You should stick to your poetry instead of your faux-analysis by the way.

2009 Safeco Field Record: 5-0 ; Overall Safeco Field Record: 9-4

by Fin on Jul 22, 2009 2:14 PM PDT reply actions   3 recs

I kinda like him as a double threat

But no more faux-analysis until late September, please.

by pygmalion on Jul 23, 2009 1:09 PM PDT up reply actions  

This is brilliant

Put a smile on my face

My Mariners blog - SodoMojo Twitter Feed

by gregrabble on Jul 22, 2009 2:54 PM PDT reply actions  

69 recs?

Can’t get rec’ed any harder…

I’m not even an M’s fan and I thought this was astonishingly good.

Aaron King is still my homeboy... iffy mechanics and all

If Dustin Pedroia played in Seattle, not many people would be talking about him.

GET THAT VORP SH!T OUTTA HERE!!!

by baetown415 on Jul 22, 2009 5:22 PM PDT reply actions  

This is undeniably epic.

Brought a huuuge smile to my face and nearly a tear to my eye. As weird as it sounds, it actually revived a little bit of my hope for the season.

Love it. Thank you so much for writing this as we are all better people now for reading it. Amazing post.

by Zwakamatsu on Jul 22, 2009 8:31 PM PDT reply actions  

Now I see why you are so attractive.

I never really liked the old tagline.

CougCenter

by Craig Powers on Jul 22, 2009 8:50 PM PDT reply actions  

I had to take a look with 93 recs showing.

This is glorious.

Someone mentioned this needs to be front-paged. I agree with that point only because it deserves more coverage and the possibility of the Mariners getting a hold of it and reading it to the clubhouse.

by Wilder. on Jul 23, 2009 9:18 AM PDT up reply actions  

Yes! Maybe a G-rated version, I'd love to hear Niehaus read this on air

A bit long for radio but I’ve heard him read Casey at the Bat at least once, blowout games make for some interesting radio coverage

by Kermit. on Jul 23, 2009 9:41 AM PDT up reply actions  

I'm working on a variation of "Cut" based on Franklin's collision:

What a thrill -
Guti’s shoulder instead of a flyout
His knees quite gone
Except for a sort of hinge

Of contusion
No more flaps of the bat
Black and blue
Then that aching collarbone

Little pornstar
The wall’s crushed your elbow
Your sexy frame
Rolls on the carpet.

etc. etc. Needs work.

I don't know how to stop.

by esoteric on Jul 23, 2009 1:57 PM PDT up reply actions  

Truly amazing

And congrats! My rec record has been smashed.

by lemonverbena on Jul 23, 2009 2:08 PM PDT reply actions  

You honor me

Especially since I now have to curtail the daily Champagne toasts to myself

by lemonverbena on Jul 23, 2009 6:07 PM PDT up reply actions  

Re: Update...

Normally I try to keep my wife as far away from this site as possible (she tends to prefer not to look at stuff that’s not rated PG) but I sent her the link. She LOVED it…

Congrats on getting it into the Times. This post and the subsequent sub-discussions and creative bantering is what I’ve loved most about this place…

This signature space for rent.

by PositivePaul on Jul 23, 2009 3:19 PM PDT reply actions  

Awesome is right.

Standford and Columbia Law? Dude.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 23, 2009 11:06 PM PDT up reply actions  

*Stanford

I can spell.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 23, 2009 11:07 PM PDT up reply actions  

They're around, I know.

But it seems to be a pretty healthy mix of things.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/

by JY on Jul 24, 2009 12:46 PM PDT up reply actions  

I didn't miss the f-bombs

but I was disappointed that some of the sabermetric references disappeared; it is cooler when UZR personified dies than when hope personified dies

by pygmalion on Jul 24, 2009 8:44 AM PDT up reply actions  

Just got the Times version on my RSS feed.

Congrats! It loses a little bit in translation, but that was inevitable. Great work.

by Teej on Jul 23, 2009 9:07 PM PDT via mobile reply actions  

Next, I am really hoping the Times will pick up some of my Rob Johnson work.

Maybe I can get Dave Niehaus to read my CVCM piece to go along with a video. I think the video should just be recorded in one shot. It will start out as a far away view of Rob Johnson, just sitting there, in the dugout. Then it will zoom in, ever so slowly, all the way to his face. By the time Niehaus says at the end “Let’s all try to improve our statistical analysis, or we will fail to appreciate that one of the better catchers in the game is right here in our own backyard.,” the view will have zoomed in all the way to Rob Johnson’s right eye.

by Attractive Nuisance on Jul 24, 2009 11:52 AM PDT up reply actions   4 recs

Whoa

Congrats on getting in the Times!

by appleshampoo on Jul 23, 2009 11:51 PM PDT reply actions  

Here Here

Though slightly edited, this was a nice surprise this morning.

by forte40 on Jul 24, 2009 7:18 AM PDT up reply actions  

Heh.

I like the suggestion of having Niehaus record it.

But only if it’s the original version here…

This signature space for rent.

by PositivePaul on Jul 24, 2009 11:30 AM PDT reply actions  

You went to KL eh?

You got slurved!

Hehehe Mark Reynolds is so awesome.

by Slurvey on Jul 24, 2009 12:36 PM PDT reply actions  

On Kentlake to victory!

Loyal to you united are we!
Cardinal, silver, black & white!
Vanquish the foes with falcon might!
Ever victorious, that is our quest!
Champions over all of the rest!
F-A-L-C-O-N-S!
We’re the falcons of Kentlake High!

by Attractive Nuisance on Jul 24, 2009 12:46 PM PDT up reply actions  

Bleh.

The forgotten school of the Kent School District.

by Mariner John on Jul 24, 2009 3:35 PM PDT up reply actions  

Northwood.

You got slurved!

FUCK THE LAAAA ANGELS! FUCK 'EM TO HELL WHERE THEY FUCKING BELONG!

by Slurvey on Jul 24, 2009 6:00 PM PDT up reply actions  

High school.

Cedar Heights would be the middle school

by Mariner John on Jul 24, 2009 11:22 PM PDT up reply actions  

I would like to note...

that I just copied this from KL’s webpage. I did not have it memorized ready to recite on the spot. Nor did I spontaneously compose it.

by Attractive Nuisance on Jul 24, 2009 12:50 PM PDT reply actions  

This thread needs to be made into a book of poems about the Mariners

Very entertaining.

I never really liked the old tagline.

CougCenter

by Craig Powers on Jul 26, 2009 8:58 AM PDT reply actions  

Well,

it seems that my timing for a hugely optimistic poem about the current roster was less than optimal. Somehow I think my literary career prospects would be slightly better today had the Mariners actually won a game post-publication.

by Attractive Nuisance on Jul 28, 2009 2:32 PM PDT reply actions  

Of all the poems, of all the authors, of all the LLers that post

Irony reared its ugly head by deeming yours would hurt the most.

I'm more like I am now than I've ever been.

by ralphie81 on Jul 28, 2009 3:07 PM PDT up reply actions  

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