The Sabermetrics of Cats
by ARock on Nov 13, 2009 7:27 PM PST
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PrintMy cat 'Baxter' is the Franklin Gutierrez of cats.
And not just in that he is good looking. He is very athleticic and can do some incredible jumps and backflips.
Truly, he is Death to Flying Things, with extreme bird-catching ability. I would estimate him to be a +20 Birdcatcher, possibly even the greatest Birdcatcher in the league. His defensive value alone is worth 2 Birdcatching Wins (10 Bird Catches per Birdcatching Win). On the MLB free agent payscale of 4.5 million per win in 2009, I thus estimate him to be worth around $8-9 Million per year.
If you are a major league General Manager and are interested in discussing the acquisition this incredible talent, just let me know!
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I'm a little upset no one liked this, I'm going to be honest.
I thought this was cool.
...and now I'm here
I don't get it.
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/
by JY on Nov 15, 2009 3:29 PM PST up reply actions
Yes, I know.
I just didn’t get where the new set of eyes came from.
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/
by JY on Nov 15, 2009 4:10 PM PST up reply actions
Was that really thought to be self-evident?
Or am I a poor fan for not recognizing players by eyes alone?
You haven't spent days staring deeply into his glorious eyes?
I doubt your fandom.
...and now I'm here
by CapSea on Nov 15, 2009 5:32 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
It's the context I guess.
Poster talks about his cat being the Franklin Gutierrez as of cats, Libocrat puts Franklin Gutierrez’ eyes on the Cats poster.
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/
by JY on Nov 15, 2009 6:03 PM PST up reply actions
I had a ferret who would have stolen more bases than Lou Brock and Rickey Henderson combind.
You would have to make the bases shiny and he would refuse to give them back.
Replay showed he trapped it, though.
It didn’t count.
by msb on Nov 14, 2009 8:41 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs
Is it Caturday?!
Post some cats!
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Nov 13, 2009 10:29 PM PST reply actions
I would have expected this to have more recs
Given that it does not, and given that cats in person are awesome but the mention of cats on the internet is automatically inherently evil, I disagree with the content of this post
Determined, Jonesing Commentor | Proud proprietor of Wyomingroutes.org & Washingtonhighways.org
I'd say my cat is like Andrew Jones.
Used to have wonderful skills (could open the door to the backyard with a latch handle which swings inward and once got a solid 3 feet of air while chasing one of those frills on a rope toys), but has now gotten fat and won’t even move for the cat toys anymore. Regression and old age I suppose.
That's weird.
My cat is more like Cory Lidle. It died when I threw it into the side of a building.
...and now I'm here
by CapSea on Nov 14, 2009 1:15 AM PST up reply actions 40 recs
Yikes.
Addicted To Quack [dot] com
Officially getting some more often than The VD Special since 2009.
My cat is like Kirby Puckett
In her prime she was bigger in size than most other cats, and can be remembered both for consistent purring and for dramatically jumping up against a glass wall.
She’s also dead.
Batted .393/.614/.464 for 2009 Diablos, #5 in OBP for PSSBL Rocky Division.
by Two Rs and Two Ls on Nov 14, 2009 1:58 AM PST reply actions 9 recs
Rec'd for utter lack of taste.
This just made my night.
Rooting for lovable losers since 1984.
by seattlecougar on Nov 14, 2009 2:01 AM PST up reply actions
Hi, Dayton Moore here
My assistant has informed me that Baxter is on the market, and I think he fills a big need for our club, which posted a weighted birdcatching average of under 1 in 2009.
I’d like to offer you Zach Greinke for him, and because I’m worried about the impact on team chemistry, I’ll throw in Mike Mouse-takas for good measure. If you would like to talk specifics, have your people call my people.
Rooting for lovable losers since 1984.
by seattlecougar on Nov 14, 2009 2:00 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
Obviously an imposter,
Dayton Moore isn’t even aware of the WBA+ (weighted birdcatching average) stat and he would’ve offered to pay for Greinke’s contract.
by ChristopherA on Nov 14, 2009 2:43 PM PST up reply actions
This is amazing.
I love how the other cat and the dog look on in horror.
The whole video is crazy because he doesn't seem to mind at all
by Aaron Campeau on Nov 14, 2009 9:43 AM PST up reply actions
I wish someone would take me for a spin
ifyouknowwhatimean
by Matthew on Nov 14, 2009 12:17 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
Did someone say
Chad Brown for the Ring of Honor!
by Big Seahawk Loser on Nov 15, 2009 12:21 PM PST up reply actions
That has some impressive editing.
At first I wasn’t sure if they didn’t know what they were doing, but the doctoring is pretty apparent later.
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/
This could possibly solve our oil dependency.
That cat has to be producing enough energy to power at least one light bulb, possibly more if you sped him up.
The episode last week where he was helping Dee get her cat out of the wall by sticking other cats in the wall was amazing.
FUCK THE ANGELS! FUCK THE ANGELS! FUCK THE ANGELS!
This little lady is a calico cat
A calico cats are female.
abender20 hates freedom.
by Scruffy Lefty on Nov 18, 2009 8:53 AM PST up reply actions
That sounds hilarious
I thought I had been keeping up with the episodes but that does not ring a bell at all. Well.. shit.
80lbs and counting.
abender20 hates freedom.
by Scruffy Lefty on Nov 18, 2009 10:35 AM PST up reply actions
That panda
is a gaper.
"Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly, the ill deeds along with the good and let me be judged accordingly. The rest is silence." ~ Dinobot
by beastwarking on Nov 14, 2009 2:42 PM PST up reply actions
Thank you very much for that link.
That brought me to tears (laughing of course).
CougCenter WSU's second main blog
by Craig Powers on Nov 16, 2009 10:37 PM PST up reply actions
My cat is the Jim Abbot of cats.
Because he is missing a body part (his tail).
CougCenter WSU's second main blog
My cat is the Ken Griffey Jr. of cats
Because he’s 17 years old and his hips are completely shot and he likes to meow in a single room in the house for no reason because he’s got dementia but we keep him around because he was once awesome and he’s still adorable.
by OlSalty on Nov 15, 2009 10:53 AM PST reply actions 3 recs
Would be more awesome if it wasn't constantly injured?
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/
by JY on Nov 15, 2009 1:01 PM PST up reply actions
Adopted
Awesome, Lightning shaped tail, Hole in his chin and missing part of his ear.
abender20 hates freedom.
by Scruffy Lefty on Nov 16, 2009 9:05 AM PST up reply actions
This post needs to permanently stay on the rec list.
2009 Safeco Field Record: 6-0 ; Overall Safeco Field Record: 10-4
My cat is like Bartolo Colon.
Fat, unexplained disappearances, possibly from the Dominican Republic….
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
No. :(
He’s also a girl.
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
My cat
has a tumor on her thyroid…
"Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly, the ill deeds along with the good and let me be judged accordingly. The rest is silence." ~ Dinobot
The Jon Lester of cats?
Seriously though, you’re probably going to have to deal with that and some other issues. My mom’s cat had a thyroid problem and now he won’t stop eating, though curiously, he does not gain weight.
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/
by JY on Nov 16, 2009 6:33 AM PST up reply actions
Yeah she is going
to have a radioactive isotope or something like that injected in to her tomorrow. She has lost 3 pounds in the three months so we are hoping this will fix it.
In lighter news (pun not intended), she is going to be radioactive for 2 weeks while her waste is going to be radioactive for the next 80 days. I hope one of the two glows in the dark…
"Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly, the ill deeds along with the good and let me be judged accordingly. The rest is silence." ~ Dinobot
by beastwarking on Nov 16, 2009 10:16 AM PST up reply actions
My cat had this same procedure done
We had to stay away from it for a week or so and keep the used kitty litter in our garage for the full 80 days because if you throw it in the garbage while it’s still radioactive you’ll set off radiation sensors at the dump and will get an enormous fine.
My cat is the Kevin Youkilis of cats.
I decapitated him, reattached his head to a beaver’s body, and whirled it in circles.
http://sodomojo.com/
by .Taylor on Nov 15, 2009 9:26 PM PST reply actions
Trying a little too hard, I think.
Batted .393/.614/.464 for 2009 Diablos, #5 in OBP for PSSBL Rocky Division.
by Two Rs and Two Ls on Nov 16, 2009 12:42 AM PST up reply actions
I don't really understand the pertinence of that but bravo on the effort.
Addicted To Quack [dot] com
Officially getting some more often than The VD Special since 2009.
My cat is the Tim Lincecum of cats
But he’s only like that now because he’s trying to forget about his past before I took him in. He started life as the Mark Prior of kittens. He was the victim of extreme abuse at the hands of a sadistic master.
Griffey!
You found Lidle!!!
...and now I'm here
by CapSea on Nov 15, 2009 10:52 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
I would fucking ban you for this if I could.
This is fucking disgusting.
by Aaron Campeau on Nov 15, 2009 11:00 PM PST up reply actions
Long enough to flee, sure.
God knows what it did to the poor thing internally.
by Aaron Campeau on Nov 16, 2009 9:15 AM PST via mobile up reply actions
Don't get the wrong idea.
I love cats!
I’ll always have at least a couple around until I’m dead.
I think both of these gentlemen should receive many hours of tazering and maybe some waterboarding for giggles.
A Dusty Baker/Mark Prior joke set in the context of cats is all I’m going for with this.
That is the joke.
Griffey!
By that rationale, the next time I really want to drive home the point that a batter was raped by a pitcher
I will post a .gif of a woman being brutally raped.
by Aaron Campeau on Nov 16, 2009 9:13 AM PST via mobile up reply actions 5 recs
And next time you want to drive home the point that a batter was raped in the ass...
by seattlebruin on Nov 16, 2009 9:17 AM PST up reply actions
Don't try it.
It makes the cookies all salty.
...and now I'm here
That's horrible.
Not just because it kind of looks like my cat, but good lord….
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/marinersminors/
by JY on Nov 16, 2009 6:31 AM PST up reply actions
What goes around comes around
http://sodomojo.com/
by .Taylor on Nov 16, 2009 9:31 AM PST up reply actions
I was once violated by terms of use.
15 showers couldn’t get me clean.
...and now I'm here
What I have learned from this thread...
Is that if you post anything related to cats on the internet, it will quickly descend into madness!
My cat is the Nick Adenhart of cats.
Some guy ran him over.
by I Lick Squirrels on Nov 16, 2009 2:59 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
I think Nick Adenhart has become a Dead Meme.
I don’t even appreciate the irony.
...and now I'm here
My dog Juniper is a Lab Whipit mix = Mike Cameron
Our cat who is 15 years old is Carlos Silva. Old, fat, does nothing and costs a shit ton of money.
Racer X. You have to love those amarillo hops.
p.s. fuck you angels
My cat is the Taylor H of cats.
He paws at the door until you finally open it, but he won’t go out. He sits there until you make eye contact and then tells an entirely inappropriate joke.
Addicted To Quack [dot] com
Officially getting some more often than The VD Special since 2009.
by qrsouther on Nov 22, 2009 7:25 PM PST reply actions 10 recs
The closer you are to a cat, the dumber you get and the more you say stupid, obvious things.
The same is true with:
1) Puppies
2) Babies
3) Hot Women
4) Chuck Norris
5) Carbon Monoxide
6) Sports Stars
7) Halos Heaven
8) Koala Bears
...and now I'm here
I actually experienced the koala bear thing
I can’t remember what I said, but I’m 99.9% sure it was stupid and/or obvious.
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
I forgot to add Red Pandas.
...and now I'm here
I'm sure seeing a red panda and getting close to it wouldn't elicit the same ol'
“OMG you’re just SOooooOOOO cute!”
The Yankees suck-a-doodle-doo!
by JamMasterJesus on Nov 25, 2009 6:17 PM PST up reply actions
Wait, would NOT?
How can you say no to this face.
...and now I'm here
HOLY SHIT A RED PANDA!
The Yankees suck-a-doodle-doo!
by JamMasterJesus on Nov 26, 2009 3:12 PM PST up reply actions
I would hug the shit out of that thing.
Literally.
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
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