Using These SBN-Provided Player Photos For All That They're Worth
by Jeff Sullivan on Oct 22, 2009 10:15 PM PDT
in Miscellaneous
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PrintTime to (partially) make good on a promise I delivered many moons ago and classify all the Mariners on the 40-man roster by the appearance of their pictures. If someone doesn't show up below, it's because SBN doesn't have a photo available. Names not included for the sake of protecting Justin Thomas.
TIER 1 (Doesn't look like he smells)
TIER 2 (Doesn't look like he smells, but is standing close to someone who does)
TIER 3 (Can't tell if he smells but something is clearly wrong with him)
TIER 4 (Looks like he smells, but doesn't know it)
TIER 5 (Looks like he smells and knows that he smells)
TIER 6 (Looks like he smells, knows that he smells, and loves that he smells)
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By the way, this guy totally looks like he smells.
2009 Safeco Field Record: 6-0 ; Overall Safeco Field Record: 10-4
He has smellier pictures in existence but I was limiting myself to what SBN supplies
by Jeff Sullivan on Oct 22, 2009 10:52 PM PDT up reply actions
He didn't look white trash enough for me to recognize him.
by Mariner John on Oct 23, 2009 1:53 PM PDT up reply actions
He does
But it’s a bit different than in that photo.
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
If you mean dirty in a
“oh you dirty fellow, shagging all those flyballs” sort of way. Otherwise, I’m not sure how something that thin can accumulate dirt.
You are really bored, aren't you?
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
I kid
That was called kidding.
Everyone here is so serious.
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
Says the comment underneath a post about which Mariner players look like they smell
by Jeff Sullivan on Oct 22, 2009 11:40 PM PDT up reply actions
Are you insinuating that you cannot accurately gauge these players' smells in this manner?
Look, I come here for analysis, and if you’re just going to amuse yourself, I’ll get real content elsewhere.
Yes
NOW it’s serious.
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
He really is small
Like way smaller than I initially thought he would be – but a baseball hat fits MY head, so…..I dunno.
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
He's not actually small. That's what makes the photo so bizarre/awesome.
I saw him all the time at Cheney, and he didn’t look quite so… i don’t know, vulnerable.
He seemed small to me
Not small, small, (I mean, 6 feet+ is not small, right?) but smaller than I might have expected. And really nervous.
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
Oh my!
Where do you find this stuff? haha!
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
Poor little fella
He looks much better in person….
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
Yeah, I think it's more that he has a smaller head than proportionality would dictate.
This is called Ubaldomorphism.
by marc w on Oct 23, 2009 9:54 AM PDT up reply actions 6 recs
I think maybe
Tui also belongs in the last category…
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
Same with Aardsma.
Tons and tons of cheap cologne.
Making lewd comments about women behind their back, but totally within ear shot.
Often smells strongly of certain foods.
by marc w on Oct 22, 2009 11:48 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Is this some sort of awesome new form of haiku
Because it is great
My head is angled
And I am smilin at you, brah
Does it make me a bad fan if I can't recognize all of these players?
Also, does SBN not provide photos for the rest of the players on the 40-man? I’m dying to know whether or not Dustin Ackley smells.
by I Lick Squirrels on Oct 23, 2009 12:34 AM PDT reply actions
Wait, is that the American version of Lynx shower gel?
That’s exactly the same looking stuff as what I use, except mine is called Lynx [who make all kinds of awful deodorants as well]
I was at Shea for the Felix-Slam!
Personal M's record: 5-4.
by EnglishMariner on Oct 23, 2009 10:09 AM PDT up reply actions
It's time to change your shower gel!
unless your life dream is to be an American frat boy.
Nice Guys Finish Third - My semantics are a waste of time.
Do English party boys drink whiskey and crumpets?
The Yankees suck-a-doodle-doo!
by JamMasterJesus on Oct 24, 2009 9:32 PM PDT up reply actions
Double pits to chesty has eclisped Git R Done as the #1 phrase that makes me want to stap people in the throat.
FUCK THE ANGELS! FUCK THE ANGELS! FUCK THE ANGELS!
Do people ever say this in any neighborhood of seriousness?
by Aaron Campeau on Oct 24, 2009 2:36 AM PDT up reply actions
Just because someone is ugly does not mean they smell.
I am living proof!
by Aaron Campeau on Oct 23, 2009 10:41 AM PDT up reply actions
When I told you you stank I was really complimenting you on how you look.
Nice Guys Finish Third - My semantics are a waste of time.
I feel bad for not recognising who literally half of those guys are.
Also, hilarious post!
I was at Shea for the Felix-Slam!
Personal M's record: 5-4.
The 2009 Mariners!
“Who the hell are half these guys?”
This is hard. Some of those shots are too darned artistic. Or bad.
Aardsma, Batista, Beltre, ______, Hannahan, Messenger, Morrow, Snell, Jo. Wilson.
Bedard, Branyan, Feierabend, Hall,________ , F. Hernandez, Ichiro, Jakubauskus, Olson, Sweeney, Vargas, _______, Ja. Wilson
G. Hernandez
French, Langerhans, Lopez, _______, _______.
Carp, Griffey, Gutierrez, _______, Johnson, _______, Kelley, Rowland-Smith, Tuiasosopo
Silva
Tier 1 (Endy Chavez)
Tier 2 (Greg Halman), (Marwin Vega)
Tier 4 (Justin Thomas) (Sean White)
Tier 5 (Cesar Jimenez) (Bryan LaHair)
The one before RRS is definitely Mark Lowe.
by I Lick Squirrels on Oct 23, 2009 1:41 PM PDT up reply actions
Does he look like he wants Doritos real bad?
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
Tier 2 is the best.
Bedard is about five seconds away from exhaling loudly and scampering away.
by Teej on Oct 23, 2009 9:21 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
I'm not sure Bedard can "scamper"
Aardsma seems more the scampering type. I’ve actually seen Griffey scamper…
"Let this big fucker come in and walk the world here." - Dave Niehaus on JJ Putz
What the fuck is wrong with Gaby Hernandez
My Mariners blog - SodoMojo Twitter Feed, Fuck the fucking Angels!
Way to play the stereotype there, marc
by Jeff Sullivan on Oct 23, 2009 9:54 AM PDT up reply actions
I held off as long as I could.
Seriously though, look at it.
He is both Dutch and from the Caribbean.
I’ll bet you a million doll hairs that his bookshelf is 50% Jorge Cervantes, 25% Archie comics and 25% cookbooks involving the words “Top Ramen” “Rice Krispies” and “green butter.”
by Aaron Campeau on Oct 23, 2009 10:48 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
He is not from the Caribbean.
That’s Wlad you’re thinking of.
But I think you may have his bookshelf pegged pretty well.
At least, based on this photo.
My racist ass assumed he was born in the Netherlands Antilles.
by Aaron Campeau on Oct 23, 2009 12:00 PM PDT up reply actions
Halman is straight outta Haarlem.
He’s pure Dutch, no modifiers required.
I never realised how much Brandon Morrow looks like Jeff.
I like using semi-colons; they make me feel smart.
In this context I'll take that as a compliment
by Jeff Sullivan on Oct 23, 2009 10:03 AM PDT up reply actions
No offense, but Morrow clearly doesn't belong in Tier 1
I’d say either 3 or 4…
I still can’t look at Jakubauskas without thinking of this guy:
SHOW FiFi THE MONEY!!!!
by PositivePaul on Oct 23, 2009 10:55 AM PDT up reply actions
Am I the only one
who still can’t help but read “looks like he smells” as
“has an appearance similar to his odor”?
What would that list look like?
by zorak on Oct 23, 2009 11:41 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Yea, Now this post made me think how
ugly our players are except maybe like Gutierrez and Morrow and couple others who have normal faces. Not that I’m a good judge of how male faces look like.
Well actually I feel better after looking at the really bad starting pitcher pictures from the ALCS threads, so I’m sure other teams are even worse. I don’t think it’s this bad in football.
Actually I bet Adrian smells.
Like sandalwood and perhaps a bit of sea salt and maybe just a little tiny bit like a man. A real man, dammit, not something that you envision a man to be in some manner of fairy tale, but a man nonetheless; a man in the flesh. A man of actual substance, of the dirt, of the soil, of sweat and clay and yes, maybe even perhaps of the scent of a man’s most intimate possessions, not shrouded in mystery but exposed, free to the world, for all the fear and danger and boldness that such a gesture entails.
Like sandalwood, perhaps. And like a man.
by Aaron Campeau on Oct 24, 2009 3:15 AM PDT reply actions 5 recs
Are you even talking about Beltre anymore??
The Yankees suck-a-doodle-doo!
by JamMasterJesus on Oct 24, 2009 9:38 PM PDT up reply actions
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