Writing about the Yankees, in the style of Jeff Sullivan

Then the Yankees rolled in #1: How movies would change if the Yankees were involved
Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Charlie is a kid from an extremely poor family, but he is not without hope. A local chocolatier has announced that he will be giving out candy bars with golden tickets, where the winner will win lifetime, free chocolate, an interest in the chocolate factory, and all the hope (and riches) that you could imagine.

Then the Yankees rolled in and bought all of the available chocolate bars on the market, netting the Yankees all five golden tickets and, thereafter, the entire Wonka franchise -- besting even Veruca Salt.

In desperation, Charlie's mama started whoring herself out to French tourists, Charlie's papa served as her pimp, and Charlie's grandparents died a bitter, painful death from bed sores. Charlie, himself, was sold for $59.45 by his parents to a Vietnamese grocer, who butchered little Charlie and sold him at the market as dog meat.

and others

10 months ago Steve Nelson 3 comments 0 recs |

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I quoted only one part of the article.

Click on the link for more.

by Steve Nelson on Jan 9, 2009 10:29 AM PST reply actions 0 recs

Fantastic

by BrianL on Jan 9, 2009 2:24 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

I'm suprised they didn't have The Matrix

After a long, and somewhat successful career as a computer hacker. Thomas Anderson, known by the alias Neo, discovered a frightening secret about the world around him. It propelled him to bury his old life and leave behind everything he knew to help save the human race.

After training with the ship and crew that discovered his singular talent, his captain sacrificed himself to the enemy so that Neo could escape unharmed. Before a rescue mission could be planned however, Neo was approached by Brian Cashman.

Cashman offered him a lucrative deal, 15,000 gallons of textured, synthesized protein paste and six changes of clothes over 5 years to sign on with the U.S.S. Yankee. Neo accepted the deal saying, “I entertained a lot of offers, but I decided to sign with the Yankee. Not just because their offer was the most lucrative, but because it’s a great place for my family.”

After Neo left, and the subsequent death of Morpheus, the Nebuchadnezzar was no longer financially viable, sold to Oklahoma and renamed the “Firebrand.”

by Vatinius on Jan 9, 2009 8:54 PM PST reply actions 0 recs