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1/29 OTFPOTD - More evidence that SportsCenter sucks edition

Tiny by Phildopip on Comment 1265 comments

I was watching SportsCenter this morning while eating breakfast (as I normally do...because, really, what else is on at 6:45 in the morning?) And according to Josh Elliot, Aaron Heilman was traded to the Cubs from the Mets for two players. Seriously, WTF? Is it that hard to look at the transaction reports? Isn't that their job?

 

It reminds me of the Incredibad song "Ka-Blamo". And I quote:

When you're mining for coal and you forget what coal is. And you're sure to be fired because THAT'S YOUR JOB.

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Around SB Nation

The Obligatory "Brett Favre Did WHAT!?" Post

Oct 2008 from Daily Norseman - 26 comments

Sunday Tidbits

Jun 2008 from Daily Norseman - 0 comments

ESPN is Officially Dead To Me

Apr 2008 from Daily Norseman - 8 comments

Press Release Edit: ESPN's NFL Draft Coverage

Apr 2007 from Burnt Orange Nation - 20 comments

Read More: heilman maneuver, espn sucks, the ocho doesn't suck though, incredibad is awesome and you should worship them, seattlebruin isn't needy, stomach flu isn't awesome

Comments

Display:

they both start with M?

He could have said the Marlins?

by msb on Jan 29, 2009 8:04 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Has Manny signed with anyone yet?

Every time I turn on the MLB Network and to a lesser extent SportsCenter, they start and finish with Manny’s situation. I’m still not sure what that situation is, but they’ve spent countless hours on end trying to explain it. It doesn’t surprise me that they do that at the expense of something that actually happened.

by PascoJoe on Jan 29, 2009 8:12 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Josh Elliot does not deserve a job.

And I mean anywhere, much less on SportsCenter.

---
Juuuust a bit outside!!
http://www.rightfieldbleachers.com

by Jack Moore on Jan 29, 2009 8:19 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

He is a huge tool.

I will smash your face into a jelly.

by Phildopip on Jan 29, 2009 8:24 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Whoops.

Evidently his last name is spelled “Elliott”, because there is a Josh Elliot who has a different job all together.

I will smash your face into a jelly.

by Phildopip on Jan 29, 2009 8:25 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

No that's the same guy.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 9:07 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

That's ok, I was cruising threw the BCB comments on the trade yesterday

and most of them were bitching about how Heilman sucked while he was in Seattle.

by Goose on Jan 29, 2009 8:34 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Bahahaha.

I will smash your face into a jelly.

by Phildopip on Jan 29, 2009 8:36 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

To be fair, he really did have a bad outing at FanFest.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 8:36 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

It's true! He couldn't even win a damn game!

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 8:37 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Great, so now we gave up someone who pitched a perfect game for us?????

WE’LL SEE WHAT THE PI COMMENTERS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS!!!

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Jan 29, 2009 9:44 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I'm bored... commence Mariner Haiku competition.

GO!

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 8:36 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

fine I'll kick it off you lazy sods...

Johjima is gay
Makes a pass at Ichiro
Loves double play balls

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 8:38 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I suck at poetry.

I will smash your face into a jelly.

by Phildopip on Jan 29, 2009 8:46 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

It's just a haiku man... 5 7 5 go!

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 8:47 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

actually, I'll bait you and Toot into it...

Hey go count your dick!
Ha Ha your grandpa’s an ass
Chickenshit bullshit

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 8:51 AM PST up reply actions   1 recs

Awesome.

I will smash your face into a jelly.

by Phildopip on Jan 29, 2009 8:53 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Ha

Kurt Russell sure does hustle
Hes in big trouble in little china
And he gets Goldie Hawns Vagina

NEEDS MORE FREEDOM!

by Scruffy Lefty on Jan 29, 2009 9:14 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Content A+, Haiku format... F

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 9:26 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I forgot how my original went

But I used to have the format right.

NEEDS MORE FREEDOM!

by Scruffy Lefty on Jan 29, 2009 9:33 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Kurt Russell hustles:

Big Trouble, Little China.
Gets Goldie Hawn Vag.

something like that?

by marc w on Jan 29, 2009 9:46 AM PST up reply actions   1 recs

That's your winner.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 9:50 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Bait taken

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 10:02 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Here's one

GM Zduriencik
Always makes the team better.
AHEM, Bavasi

by Gomez on Jan 29, 2009 8:35 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

So, who here owns a home computer?

If you do, this may be of interest – according to 1981, apparently at some point in the future you’ll be able to – are you sitting down? – READ THE NEWSPAPER on your home computer! I can’t wait.

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Jan 29, 2009 8:54 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Holy shit.

I will smash your face into a jelly.

by Phildopip on Jan 29, 2009 8:55 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Haha.
Of the estimated two- to three-thousand home-computer owners in the Bay Area…

I will smash your face into a jelly.

by Phildopip on Jan 29, 2009 8:57 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I loved the caption

“Richard Halloran – Owns Home Computer”. Ah, the days when computer ownership was as rare as owning a dinosaur skull.

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Jan 29, 2009 9:00 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I'm not downloading ANYTHING onto this computer except Kung Fu.

This is a Kung Fu only machine.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 9:01 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I'm waiting for the page reader thingy, like they had in Minority Report. Those would be cool.

And all those guys can snap their paper perfectly at the crease when they turn the page can suck it.

by Kermit. on Jan 29, 2009 10:46 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

That would be a stellar way to read the paper.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 10:48 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Does anyone know a good way to clean the inside of a laptop?

My 4 year old spilled milk on my laptop and now all of the keys are sticky when I type. I know I’ll have to unscrew the bottom and get at the insides, but is there a good product that will actually clean the machine without destroying anything? Thanks for the help.

"Beer is ... love ..." Ben Franklin

by Jed MC on Jan 29, 2009 9:08 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Excellent advice, sir

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 10:04 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Depending on your laptop, it may be cheaper/easier to replace the keyboad

You can buy replacement keyboards on eBay for ~$20 for most laptops. Assuming you know your way around a screwdriver, you can do the replacement yourself.

Look for the manufacturer’s service manual online for how to remove the keyboard.

by PDXTai on Jan 29, 2009 10:37 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Who else here follows college football recruiting (besides my ASU namesake)?

This has been a pretty crazy season so far.

I love watching signing day and the all-star games just to see who the talented players will pick (even though I get sad at 70% of the choices…)

by seattlebruin on Jan 29, 2009 9:17 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Just shady Husky recruiting in the news.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 9:19 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Funny how Sarkisian and Kiffin get busted for the same thing

And then a recruit comes out and says they did the same thing at USC and, of course, not even a slap on the wrist. Just goes to show ya..

by seattlesundevil on Jan 29, 2009 9:26 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I have to say

I keep waiting for Sark to say “but we ALWAYS did it that way at USC…”

by msb on Jan 29, 2009 9:31 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

It really is just a matter of time...

I don’t understand how all these former USC coaches getting busted doesn’t reflect back on SC the way it oughta.. well.. I guess the $$$ factor could shield a bit

by seattlesundevil on Jan 29, 2009 9:35 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Vontaze Burfict is 80-20 ASU now!

I know I was specifically singled out – but oh well

by seattlesundevil on Jan 29, 2009 9:25 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I hope Sporting News is right for the first time in a while

See?

Good job on Burfict, keeps a good (albeit not too bright) player from sc.

P.S. have you heard anything on the Randall Carroll recruitment? There’ve been rumors everywhere from he’s now an sc lock to he’s Oklahoma bound to he’s guaranteed for UCLA if he gets admitted.

by seattlebruin on Jan 29, 2009 9:30 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

See, I am hearing Te'o is a USC 'lock'

But I am always weary with those mormon mission guys.. they always seem to end up at BYU when they get back.. Like Max Hall – oh how I would have loved to have kept him instead of Rudy C.

Carroll is down to USC, UCLA and ASU – his visit to Oklahoma just doesn’t seem genuine to me. I would guess he stays at one of the LA schools at this point.

by seattlesundevil on Jan 29, 2009 9:34 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I doubt the Sporting News knows any more than you do, I'm just praying they get this one right =(

sounds like we’ve been hearing the same things on Carroll. I really want this guy, not sure why most UCLA fans are down on him. Then of course, I’m a tools whore when looking at HS prospects in football or hoops, and Carroll certainly has projectable, DeSean Jackson-like tools.

by seattlebruin on Jan 29, 2009 9:37 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Oh for sure..

I am just dreaming that we get him, and are able to steal two blue chippers from USC in the final week.. They have FIVE soft verbals right now – I gotta imagine something is getting leaked there.

I wrote about this last night (not spam!) and it apparently got posted on some USC board somewhere because I am getting all sorts of Trojan ‘faithful’ (haha yeah, right) on there trying to rip me a new one, but losing in-area recruits to fellow pac-10 teams? That just seems like quite a dramatic shift

by seattlesundevil on Jan 29, 2009 9:40 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

The worst thing that could possibly happen to them is to start losing guys to ASU and UCLA

Berkeley and Stanford were always occasionally stealing someone from them, but if they start to lose guys to the sleeping giant (ASU) and the historically overrated program (UCLA), and get probation… things could go downhill fast.

Personally, I look at them like Miami (FL) from the late 90’s/early 2000’s. They just fell off the face of the earth after the Ed Reed/Willis McGahee class left.

by seattlebruin on Jan 29, 2009 9:46 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

This is Nola's worst nightmare subthread...

Sorry Nola

Yeah, I don’t think USC knows how to react when this starts happening. I mean, they won’t be falling out of the top-15 for recruiting classes, but the significant talent drop off if they lose out on the handful of guys that are soft verbals could really hurt soon.

Also, I don’t know if it is just me, but Matt Barkley is completely unamazing. No way is he the #1 player in the country

by seattlesundevil on Jan 29, 2009 9:50 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

She can just scroll down

That’s what I do when I’m not interested.

by JI on Jan 29, 2009 9:51 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I've seen him several times (those HS spotlight games they do are like the NBA on TNT, they always show the same teams)

so I’ve seen Mater Dei a bunch of times. He’s good, a Pac-Ten level starter, but I remember being WAY more impressed with Sanchez when he was at Mission Viejo.

Barkley’s got a good arm, but it’s nothing special as far as I can tell. Maybe he does something in game prep that sets him apart, but as far as I’m concerned he’s just a good quarterback on an awesome team

by seattlebruin on Jan 29, 2009 9:54 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

You forgot to mention that Randall Carroll is looking at UCLA, his supposed leader, you bastard!

Though it sounds like Devon Flournoy is indeed going to be a Trojan. Oh well… Carroll’s a better prospect IMO, anyway.

by seattlebruin on Jan 29, 2009 9:57 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

As an aside, how is Kemonte Bateman doing at ASU?

I was really disappointed when he didn’t qualify. I thought our Crenshaw pipeline had finally produced the killer wideout we’ve been missing since Craig Bragg left

by seattlebruin on Jan 29, 2009 9:59 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

He actually greyshirted

So he is all qualified and ready for next season!

by seattlesundevil on Jan 29, 2009 10:39 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Bateman sure is a demon

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:56 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Ha!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 9:28 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

That'll be my kid

He has a cheapo MP3 player that his mom got him for Christmas. He asked me to take off all the “wussy girl songs” (his words, by the way) and load it with some “rocking songs,” specifically Wykydtron by 3 Inches of Blood, and the new Mudvayne single, plus a few other favorites of his. Whenever I think on whether or not I’m doing right as a parent I remind myself of how good his music taste is

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 10:13 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Same with mine. He wants an mp3 player with ACDC and Mastodon on it.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:26 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Of course, the Mrs. has him listening to Mates of State, too, so there's that.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:26 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Ew.

I will smash your face into a jelly.

by Phildopip on Jan 29, 2009 10:36 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

This makes my little brother listening to the Veronicas not so bad.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:37 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

My sound is disabled at work. I ve never heard them.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 11:04 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Yes you have

You must have been more drunk than I thought on Friday. They were playing in my car, and you said they sounded awesome

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:05 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Rosenthal today

drops in with "The Mariners view Abreu as an ideal fit, major-league sources say, but it is unclear whether they can afford him. "

by msb on Jan 29, 2009 9:32 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Keep the dream alive...

Dear Ken Rosenthal
You work hard but not so smart
GMZ’s no fool

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 9:34 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Isn't that last one 6?

Fool is 2 syllables, isn’t it?

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 9:48 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Unless you pull a Mr. T, I suppose.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 9:49 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Mr. T style indeed... ful.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 9:50 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I've always said it as two.

Foo-l.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 9:50 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Really?

I’ve never heard it pronounced as two. Interesting.

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Jan 29, 2009 9:51 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Fool is and will always be one syllable.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 9:53 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

"L" is a syllable now?

Pronouncing ‘fool’ as two syllables seems like a strange affectation – like pronouncing all of the ‘syllables’ in vegetables or something.
Maybe this is regional, or even a patois. If so, yay for acblue!

by marc w on Jan 29, 2009 9:53 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

The word comes out of my mouth as "foowel" with a very light w sound.

So it sounds kinda drawn out. But it’s definitely not two syllables.

by Teej on Jan 29, 2009 9:56 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

You could make it two

because of poetic license, bending the word to fit the meter etc. but officially it’s a one syllable word.

by JI on Jan 29, 2009 9:59 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I grew up in OR.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:25 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

South Oregon!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:27 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Portland suburbs.

Nice try though.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:27 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

South Portland Suburbs!

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:04 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Yes. It's really good.

I did the same thing – just avoided it completely until I bought one of them matador singles on a lark.

by marc w on Jan 29, 2009 9:54 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

He's like the rock version of Lil' Wayne.

He’ll be dead by 30 but holy hell is he good.

by acblue on Jan 29, 2009 9:55 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

House fans...

I like this

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 9:37 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Well,

Huntington’s disease
13’s nerves are breaking down
Hotness still intact

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 9:45 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

sigh

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Jan 29, 2009 9:46 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

A byproduct of boredom, no doubt.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 9:51 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

*preaching

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:04 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I was kidding.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:04 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

It's generally not a good sign when you look like a drug addict

BEFORE you go off on nightly coke binges.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 10:09 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I dunno I think she looks ok in non-candid photos

I think people have too a high of standard when it comes to celebrities

by JI on Jan 29, 2009 10:12 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

She was actually quite pretty before all the drugs and plastic surgery.

And I agree about standards for celebrities being way too high.

by acblue on Jan 29, 2009 11:22 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Don't click this link

What she was >>>> what she is >>>>>>>>>> what she will become.
Not for the faint of heart

by PDXTai on Jan 29, 2009 10:19 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I don't think she's hot

and even if did I wouldn’t acknowledge that because that’s the whole reason she’s on the show.

by JI on Jan 29, 2009 9:58 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

13 is not hot

She’s annoying as hell.

by JI on Jan 29, 2009 10:01 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Kudos on the Heilman pun.

Good show, sir.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 9:47 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Those'll look better in cub blue anyways.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:10 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

So I cooked some Pop Tarts in the microwave here at work today

Instructions say to cook on High for 3 seconds, but that does absolutely nothing to them. I had to cook them for like 25 seconds, and they still didn’t come close to how good they are from a toaster. What a ripoff. And to avoid trouble, anybody have an alternate method of cooking foods that are generally supposed to be cooked only one way (top ramen in the microwave, for instance)?

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 10:06 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

I'm not sure there is an alternate way of warming a pop-tart

if there’s no toaster.

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Jan 29, 2009 10:08 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Armpit.

How bad do you want that poptart?

by marc w on Jan 29, 2009 10:10 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Drawing from the fish in a dishwasher method then...

Pop Tart in the Dryer. Hot and pre-tumbled!

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 10:13 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Radiator.

it works a treat.

just stay away from the rust.

by msb on Jan 29, 2009 10:48 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

The 3 second thing is right there on the package

But like I said, it’s total BS. The microwave has hardly even started to do anything before 3 seconds is up

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:14 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Ramen is easy

bowl, hot water heater, pour boiling water over ramen, cover with plate, and boom! done in three minutes. Add cold cuts and/or flavoring as necessary

by seattlebruin on Jan 29, 2009 10:08 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Pizzas on a grill is the best thing to ever happen to pizza.

I’ve also done fish in a dishwasher, it turned out surprisingly well.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:09 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Yes, I'm all... eyes.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:11 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Steam cycle, probably

I’ve pondered doing this myself with large quantities of vegetables.

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Jan 29, 2009 10:12 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

It usually takes longer than that, especially with veggies.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:13 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Oh, and clean out the bottom area of your dishwasher first.

Or all the crap that sits down there will be in your food.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:17 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

But then you're microwaving them at the same time.

I’ve had no real success with the microwave steamer bags, they always come out chewy.

The foil ones you stick in the oven are awesome, though pricey for tow pieces of foil stuck together in a pocket shape.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:27 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I hate those things.

Such a waste, and I hate the idea of using Ziploc bags to cook my food.

by acblue on Jan 29, 2009 11:24 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Who thinks of this stuff?

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:12 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

It costs more to run the dishwasher than steaming it in your oven.

But I was curious.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:16 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

If you can afford a dishwasher....

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:27 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Just hand scrub the fish

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:15 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

The Maytag Culinary Institute

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 10:14 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Probably the same people

that cook stuff on their car engine blocks.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:14 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Engine-block eggs.

If we can keep these babies down, we’ll be sitting pretty.

/wiggum

I will smash your face into a jelly.

by Phildopip on Jan 29, 2009 10:42 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Do they have to treat people like morons?

by NOLAmarinergirl on Jan 29, 2009 10:23 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I'm all for people choosing not to eat meat

but PETA is so dogmatic and ridiculous that they actively make me want to eat a whole bunch of meat, right now.

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Jan 29, 2009 10:25 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Seal meat.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:29 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

LL seal clubbing trip anyone?

"Fights begin, finger prints are took, days is lost, bail is made, court dates are ignored, cycle is repeated."

by Thingray on Jan 29, 2009 10:31 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Club LL??

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:35 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Pujols

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 10:42 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Only if it's a baby.

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Jan 29, 2009 10:31 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Well, duh. There are moral rules.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:35 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

The land fish looked tasty, I have to say.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:24 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Traditionalist.

I’m on the cutting edge, and that makes you jealous, doesn’t it?

Get off your lawn? No, get off MY lawn!

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 11:09 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I've perfected microwaving ramen.

fill the bowl with water, insert ramen and cook for 2:25.

Let sit for 5 minutes. Continue cooking for 1:30. The noodles become much more plump that way.

Stir in seasoning. Works best with those nicer ramen bowls you can buy at the store (much better that Maruchan or Nissin).

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:10 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I forgot my favorite one.

I was w/o gas in my apartment due to money issues, and all I had was a hand torch (like for a creme brulee), so I used it to make grilled cheese and heat up soup.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:23 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

You put anything in the microwave for 50 minutes and you're going to have a problem.

"Fights begin, finger prints are took, days is lost, bail is made, court dates are ignored, cycle is repeated."

by Thingray on Jan 29, 2009 10:32 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

If you do it right it will catch on fire.

After you take it out it’s black and as light as styrofoam.

by acblue on Jan 29, 2009 11:30 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Now Robert's going to end up homeless after torching his place

Way to go, man

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:30 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Robert will probably watch it the first time,

and then keep doing more and more pickles until it gets out of control

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:33 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Just bring the microwave and an extension cord

Do it right there in the parking lot

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:39 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Check your gardening bill.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! I DRINK IT UP!!

by abender20 on Jan 29, 2009 11:50 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Pennies on the dollar compared to what it would cost for a legal American to do it

But this will only anger the legal Americans because you’re taking away good jobs

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:51 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Beat me to it.

the other angels fan

by Eyebrows on Jan 29, 2009 11:55 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

So NOLA it is then

That wasn’t so hard, was it? Plus she can legally work in the United States, so you’re clear there

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:56 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I don't that she'd even make enough to claim her earnings

But he should still do it to keep the books straight

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 11:59 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

As long as it doesn't exceed $600.00 in a year,

you don’t have to report it to the IRS or make any deductions. It’s considered “misc labor”.

"Fights begin, finger prints are took, days is lost, bail is made, court dates are ignored, cycle is repeated."

by Thingray on Jan 29, 2009 12:04 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Switch her to commission instead of hourly

This way she won’t dilly-dally, and you can justify not paying her sometimes

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jan 29, 2009 12:05 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

If I want to pay a woman to entertain me that's my business

If you would kindly stay out of this negotiation I’d be much obliged.

by JI on Jan 29, 2009 12:07 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

If you're only paying $5.00,

you might want to hit the clinic after your done.

"Fights begin, finger prints are took, days is lost, bail is made, court dates are ignored, cycle is repeated."

by Thingray on Jan 29, 2009 12:11 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

How can you do it wrong?

And wouldn’t that make your house reek of burnt pickles??

"Fights begin, finger prints are took, days is lost, bail is made, court dates are ignored, cycle is repeated."

by Thingray on Jan 29, 2009 11:31 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Of course there is always the "cooking on the engine block" method.

"Fights begin, finger prints are took, days is lost, bail is made, court dates are ignored, cycle is repeated."

by Thingray on Jan 29, 2009 10:37 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

"Cooking With Willie Loman"

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 11:06 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I think Baconpig would make more of an impact.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:39 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

That'll give me plenty of time to find a switch that'll make it oink when you open the box.

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:41 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

That was posted in yesterday's thread.

Still horrific today.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:39 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

???!

horrific awesome

It's hard to convince people to let you eat them if you're an asshole. - Thingray

by Faux on Jan 29, 2009 10:40 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Oh, I would eat it.

Then I would sleep for a month.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kenji Johjima couldn't catch him.

by kevin_ess on Jan 29, 2009 10:41 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

and wake up in the ICU

after having several heart attacks.

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Jan 29, 2009 10:42 AM PST up reply actions