Miguel Cairo Has 194 At Bats
One night in my bedroom while nursing an ache
I heard a loud rattle that shook me awake
I saw that the walls were beginning to quake
And it looked like the window was going to break
Then whispered a shadow resembling a snake
"Miguel Cairo is going to play."
I sat and I wondered "is this just a dream?"
To encounter a ghost seems a little extreme
I wished that I didn't care so for a team
For whom constant losing evolved as a theme
But the shadow remained and then said with a beam
"Miguel Cairo is going to play."
My slumber perturbed, I was not in the mood
To deal with specters who tend to intrude
But then with a thunder theatrics ensued
And the ghost said "If I were you I would conclude
'Due to this declaration my team will be screwed'
Miguel Cairo is going to play."
I jolted upright having then figured out
A devil was present beyond any doubt
I wanted to scream and I wanted to shout
But the devil held court as it floated about
And whilst it did float it repeated throughout
"Miguel Cairo is going to play."
At this I grew angry and rose to my feet
And charged at the specter prepared to compete
But with a cold wind it forced me to retreat
And shiver with chills as I hid 'neath the sheet
It wore an expression with laughter replete
"Miguel Cairo is going to play."
"Please sir have some mercy!" I begged and I pleaded
"I swear that my soul has been sorely mistreated."
Upset with the specter my blood was still heated
Yet I had no choice but to sit there defeated
The specter was smiling, his warning completed
"Miguel Cairo is going to play."
Vanquished I sat and I asked it to share
"Why are you happy to cause us despair?
As a devil from Hades you must be aware
That breaking the broken is badly unfair."
"Of winning," he cackled, "you've nary a prayer
Miguel Cairo is going to play."
"But why!" I was yelling, my voice with a crack
"We're hardly deserving of such an attack!
Regardless of whether your heart is pitch black
I feel like you guys ought to cut us some slack."
But for my words ignoring the ghost had a knack
"Miguel Cairo is going to play."
Then with a poof shone a portal aglow
And straight through the center I watched the ghost go
My bedroom now empty I glanced to and fro
By the light on the wall was a message below
It read "know your role, and your role is to blow
Miguel Cairo is going to play."
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36 comments
Comments
You need to get out more.
I'll shut up lest you ban me like you banned butthol.
by NOLAmarinergirl on
Sep 16, 2008 12:13 PM PDT
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Amended: Jeff Sullivan is a writer I hold in highest esteem.
I'll shut up lest you ban me like you banned butthol.
by NOLAmarinergirl on
Sep 16, 2008 12:24 PM PDT
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I was thinking that maybe this has been a ploy to help us lose games
and then I realized that Cairo has probably been our best option at first all year. I think thats even more depressing/hilarious than all the AB’s we’ve given him
by ack on
Sep 16, 2008 12:42 PM PDT
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Jeff I have never seen anyone so good at writing in so many formats
You are Corco-endorsed
Determined, Jonesing Commentor | Proud proprietor of Washingtonhighways.org
by I'm NOT Corco on
Sep 16, 2008 12:46 PM PDT
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I wish I had your mind.
"All I’ve ever done is be Juan Pierre when I wear this jersey. They’re sticking it to me this year for whatever reason. "
.277/.324/.316
~Juan Pierre
by Goose on
Sep 16, 2008 1:10 PM PDT
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Holy shit
that was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever read
by mariners124m on
Sep 16, 2008 1:16 PM PDT
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Give up your day job
and become a bitter sarcastic writer full time.
by pygmalion on
Sep 16, 2008 1:47 PM PDT
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No way.
He’d become to emo about being enslaved to writing…
This signature space for rent.
by PositivePaul on
Sep 16, 2008 3:02 PM PDT
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Please, sir, I want some more.
This is the best thing I’ve read here. Really.
I like using semi-colons; they make me feel smart.
by Llewdor on
Sep 16, 2008 1:50 PM PDT
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You were stupid to choose a non-writing profession
by JI on
Sep 16, 2008 2:05 PM PDT
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In all fairness
I think he has become a significantly better writer in no small part because of L43/LL. If you read some of his early LL posts he is no better of a writer then the rest of us. Now though…Jeff’s a fucking beast now and it may be time for him to consider quitting his day job
Determined, Jonesing Commentor | Proud proprietor of Washingtonhighways.org
by I'm NOT Corco on
Sep 16, 2008 2:45 PM PDT
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If I blog from work then in a way it sort of is my day job
by Jeff on
Sep 16, 2008 2:49 PM PDT
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That seems in appropriate but not unsurprising.
I'll shut up lest you ban me like you banned butthol.
by NOLAmarinergirl on
Sep 16, 2008 3:09 PM PDT
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Amazing
That was some of the best writing I’ve read all year. There was maybe an awkward moment or two, but it delivered so well how Mariners fans feel about Cairo and everything else. Thanks. (Brandon please save us.)
by jmantemp on
Sep 16, 2008 2:28 PM PDT
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He's a pretty good fielder at least...
remember those bunts he charged up on…
Good poem regardless./
Cuba Si! Yanqi No!
by Patrick517 on
Sep 16, 2008 2:33 PM PDT
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Um.
Wow.
This signature space for rent.
by PositivePaul on
Sep 16, 2008 3:03 PM PDT
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Holy Shit!!!
Jeff, I dont know how you do it. You are so awesome, we need to hang out more than once a year.
If/When Beltre leaves, Im making a giant fucking head of you! Nobody will really know what the hell it means but the fortunate few that are here. In the end thats all that really matters.
My quick smells like french toast.
by RED29 on
Sep 16, 2008 4:04 PM PDT
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I don't know if that would be better than this
by Jeff on
Sep 16, 2008 4:12 PM PDT
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Harry Canary
Along with all of the other Zooperstars were on America has Talent the other night. Harry was in a sling like he got his wing busted. I thought of you and hoped that you had finally got your revenge.
I dont watch the show myself but I do watch the soup on E!
Just thought I should clarify. I hate talent shows, that shit is fruit booty!
The good thing about having sex with pregnant chicks is that they cant get pregnant.
by RED29 on
Sep 16, 2008 4:16 PM PDT
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A giant Jeff Sullivan head would be a glorious spectacle to watch.
"All I’ve ever done is be Juan Pierre when I wear this jersey. They’re sticking it to me this year for whatever reason. "
.277/.324/.316
~Juan Pierre
by Goose on
Sep 17, 2008 1:08 AM PDT
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I like this even more than the roman epic you wrote last year
by OlSalty on
Sep 16, 2008 4:13 PM PDT
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Maybe this is just me
But I thought that the Greek epic was even better, due to Jeff’s mastery of tone and mood in that piece.
by pygmalion on
Sep 17, 2008 6:46 AM PDT
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And apparently he is working on the longest streak
without a homer now that Juan Pierre hit one last night.
If it wasn't for college football I'd probably have given up on sports.
by bluemax on
Sep 16, 2008 4:27 PM PDT
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