Nice hearts.

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August 19, 2008 8:40 AM
Eating humble pie

Posted by Geoff Baker

Chomp, chomp. Hmm, that humble pie tastes pretty good. Yes, you’ve got me. Can’t defend Jarrod Washburn after a performance like that. I was going to write that he looked awful but heck, you’ve all beaten me to it. How dare he? And you’re right, he’s been horrible the past three months no matter what those silly stats said. Not just “decent, but overpaid” or “pretty good but redundant on a non-contender”. Nor the team’s “second best starter behind Felix Hernandez” the past three months.

No, I’ve been humbled. Thoroughly whupped. I mean, I feel a bit silly today. I probably should have known yesterday morning that Washburn would give up more than four runs for the second time in his last 14 starts. Could have spent my morning hours on something more important. After all, some of you predicted that this would happen to Washburn two months ago. You sure told me. Been telling me now going on, well, I guess it feels like forever. But now, it’s finally happened and you don’t have to do it any more. That’s what you get for hanging in there, so go out and have yourselves some extra cream cheese on that bagel. You’ve earned it. Aren’t you glad you didn’t have to wait another five days?

Well, actually, I’m not speaking to all of you. Only the ones who saw this day coming all along. Even though, according to these folks, it’s actually been happening all along, so it’s not like you can technically see something coming when it’s actually right there already going on right in front of your face. Which it was. I guess? Right?

I mean, I could try to weasel my way out and scream "small sample size!‘’ but who are we kidding? We know that’s a cop-out, right? We’ll ignore, for a moment, what this means for the fates of Ryan Rowland-Smith and Ryan Feierabend. Oh no, wait, what’s that you say? The sample size rule does apply with them? Whew. That’s a good thing. For a minute, I thought we’d have to abort Brandon Morrow’s Class AAA bid to become a starter, since he lasted only 2 2/3 innings the last time out. I mean, that’s an ERA of 10.11 over that single game. How on Earth is he ever going to be a starter? But, the sample size thing applies to him too, right? Oh, goodie!

But how about position players? I mean, I’ve figured out the rules on pitchers not named Washburn. But do position players get the sample size exemption as well? I mean, I’m a little worried about what this all means for Ichiro. He’s kind of been on the Washburn path, hasn’t he? Had that sub-.700 OPS until the latter half of May, but then put up some really good numbers after that. I’d really bought into him being a good player. Then, he goes and puts up that .480 OPS this past week. I mean, he’s only hitting .240 since that little hitting streak of his ended in Anaheim and that was, like, forever ago. No…you’re kidding me? What? The sample size rule applies to him as well? Oh, man, what a great day this is turning out to be.

I think I’m going to celebrate by playing some MLB 2K8 on my X-Box right now. I’ll be sure to start Ichiro in right field, too. But no Washburn. Not that guy, he’s a bum.

Wait, what’s that? You don’t think I should be playing as the Mariners in that video game? But why? Aren’t they great? Doesn’t the small sample size rule apply to them, too? Sure they’ve been outscored 40-22 in their last four games. Yeah, they’ve lost eight of nine. But isn’t that just “results based analysis”? I mean, I think I heard somewhere, maybe it was from that Jim Riggleman guy, that they’ve really turned a corner. I saw that they had 15 hits just last night. Isn’t that more important than those silly wins and losses?

Oh, what’s that? It isn’t? Oh. Gee, there’s that humble pie again.

Yeah, now that I look at it, the Mariners really aren’t that hot right now. I mean, they’ve gone just 5-11 this month. Since that Silva dude opened his mouth, they’re only 1-7. He jinxed them, that’s what happened. I heard they were going to run away with the pennant before that guy said the players didn’t care enough about winning. I mean, how can he lie like that? This team did nothing but win before he spoke. I know, I know, they were only 25-47 under that McLaren guy, but come on! He didn’t know anything. This new guy, Riggleman, had them turned into a juggernaut. Under him, they’re what…? Oh, wait. You serious? 21-31? Well, that’s still better, isn’t it? A .404 winning percentage compared to only .347.

The M’s are on the fast-track, baby. Keep up this Riggleman pace and they’ll only lose…hey, wait a minute! Doesn’t anyone know this team is going to lose over 100 games?

The what? The 100-100 club? Never heard of it. What’s that? No, I didn’t know that no other team has spent at least 100 million and lost 100 games. Maybe that’s why they don’t want to trade away any of their good players, what do you think? Yeah, I guess you’re right. That is silly. And yeah, I forgot. Washburn isn’t good.

Wow, I’ve got to sit down. Getting a little dizzy. Never realized so many things were going right over my head. But I understand it all a little better now. I see the light. And you’re right, I do have to get away from this stuff for a bit. It’s too depressing. I’m off to play my video game. I love video games. No matter how badly things are going, how many wrong guesses you make, you get to start over again by hitting the reset button. Makes me feel better. When I play video games, I get to be perfect in everything I do.

Gee, I wish I could do that every day on this blog the way some people can. Oh well, can’t have everything. At least it’s not raining outside.

Que es el problema?

If you want to hawk me and make sure I’m diligently working every minute, there is a minimum salary you’ve got to pay me to do that much work, and well. I won’t disclose, but it’s far more than I typically make to do drone project work.

So have you been up to any thing fun this summer?

The Riviera is awesome too.

when I was a kid, Cracked was Mad Magazine for people who weren’t funny. I’m pretty sure Mad wasn’t that funny either, but when I was 9 it was hysterical.

or the I-5/I-705/SR 7 interchange in Tacoma

They had been out for weeks, and hadn’t seen any sign of civilization in a long time. They came across a deep canyon, and decided to investigate it. They worked all day, climbing down into the canyon. When they arrived at the bottom, they found a giant lever embedded in the rock wall, with these words inscribed above it:

HE WHO PULLS THIS LEVER SHALL END THE WORLD

Jack and Nate argued about what they should do. Nate was curious, he had to know what the lever did. He really didn’t believe the end of the world stuff. Jack was wary – he wasn’t sure if it was real or not, but there was no way he would take the chance.

Soon, their argument grew more heated. Jack pleaded with Nate, telling him it wasn’t worth it and to let it go. They started fighting, and Nate knocked Jack out of the way and ran for the lever. Jack sprung back up and reached Nate just before he got to the lever. He leapt at him and sunk a knife into his back. Nate collapsed to his knees, dead, just inches from the wall.

The moral of the story?

Better Nate than lever.

A woman’s husband of fifty years passes away, and the funeral home calls her the day before the funeral to have her view the prepared body. Upon viewing her husband’s body, she says, “you have done a wonderful job, simply wonderful… I don’t mean to split hairs or anything, but I see that you have him in a blue suit. It might sound petty, but my husband always wanted to be buried in a black suit.”
The funeral home director said, “I’m so sorry, ma’am – we normally bury people in black suits, but we were out of them. Hence the blue suit. I’ll see what I can do before the funeral tomorrow, however.”
The next morning, she receives a call to come back to the funeral home. Sure enough, her husband is wearing a black suit, just like he had always wanted.
“My word,” she says, “How on earth were you able to find a black suit in such a short time?”
The funeral home director replies, “it was the darndest thing! Just after you left yesterday, a body came in wearing a black suit your husband’s size, and he apparently always wanted to be buried in a blue suit!”
“How coincidental!” She says.

He goes on, “Indeed. After that, it was a simple process of switching the heads.”