Those eight runs, five line drives, and four extra-base hits against a tight division rival - they could've been all yours, Minnesota. For the low low price of an established, effective young Major League starter, you could've added Washburn's veteran stability and leadership to your rotation days ago. Instead you'll now have to plow along with a rotation unstable and unled, the whole time wondering what might've been had you not been so excessively penurious. Don't come crying to me when your laughable, unproven sham of a starting staff collapses down the stretch. For neglecting to add a stabilizing force in Jarrod Washburn, you have only yourselves to blame.

Biggest Contribution: Raul Ibanez, +16.0%
Biggest Suckfest: Jarrod Washburn, -50.9%
Most Important AB: Lopez single, +14.9%
Most Important Pitch: Cabrera homer, -24.8%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): -58.8%
Total Contribution by Lineup: +7.8%
Total Contribution by Opposition: +1.0%
(What is this chart?)

I can't imagine how rough it must be on Washburn to know how close he was to joining a successful organization not far from his home. That he's stuck with a go-nowhere loser franchise in Seattle has to be eating him up inside. This pleases me. Karma's a bitch, butthead.

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If there is a God, both the existence of Horacio Ramirez and the fact that Horacio Ramirez closed the Mariners out tonight can be taken as proof that he has a sense of humor, if a slightly annoying one. It would take a rather absurd degree of micromanagement on the part of a higher power to make sure that things work out this way, but then I imagine God probably gets pretty bored sometimes. Life can be dull when you don't have any friends.