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B.J. Upton is not just the laziest man on the Rays; he may in fact be the laziest man in the entire galaxy

Ladies and gentlemen, witness a legend in the making:

B.J. Upton, benched three times in the past two weeks for failing to hustle, was caught jogging on the bases again Monday night and thrown out at second on what should have been a routine double.

This time, Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon left his center fielder in the game after his latest base running gaffe.

The speedy Upton hit a fourth-inning drive to left against the Los Angeles Angels and broke into a trot out of the batter’s box, apparently thinking it would be a home run. Instead, the ball hit the fence on a hop.

Upton casually rounded first and jogged toward second with Angels first baseman Mark Teixeira following up the line to meet left fielder Juan Rivera’s throw to an uncovered base. Teixeira fielded the ball on a hop and made the tag just before a surprised Upton touched the bag.

With the inning over, Upton dropped his head and bent over at second base for a few moments before taking his position on defense.

Trust me when I say that this description does not do justice to just how unbelievably atrocious Upton was on the play.  I consider it to be one of the two or three laziest, most inexcusably [facepalm] moments I have ever witnessed at any level of baseball, including my old Little League team.  Also, one of the most hilarious.  Please find a way to catch a clip of this (it'll be all over ESPN tonight, and probably on MLB.com too).  Do it for me.

Someday grizzled old grandparents will bounce their grandkids on their knee and regale them with stories about B.J. Upton, the Laziest Man of All Time.  It's actually beautiful in a way: he's taking on a mythic aspect, becoming a bizarro John Henry, a monument to awesomely hilarious indolence.  As I said in another thread, someday we will be telling Aesopian fables about Upton, along the lines of "The Ant and the Grasshopper," except that the grasshopper will be Upton and the ant will be Willie Ballgame.

Poll
Slower?
Quadraplegic running a 50 meter footrace
4 votes
Process by which organic matter is transformed into fossil fuel across the vast span of geological eons
27 votes
Gradual advance of an ice age
10 votes
B.J. Upton rounding the bases
44 votes

85 votes | Poll has closed

2 recs | Comment 68 comments

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Comments

Display:

Dropo is merely the laziest man on Mars.

B.J. Upton holds sway over all the planets, plus Pluto, the asteroid belt, and the Oort Cloud.

"Maybe Chief has to go and grab somebody from his neck and throw him into the wall."

by esoteric on Aug 18, 2008 9:28 PM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Why is that, he asked, expecting an immediate SUBTHREAD CLOSED

because there’s no answer to that question that could possibly SUBTHREAD CLOSED.

Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Aug 18, 2008 9:40 PM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Rotoworld may have come up with the best BJ Upton lazy joke yet.
He’s like the Chuck Knoblauch of baserunning!

"All I’ve ever done is be Juan Pierre when I wear this jersey. They’re sticking it to me this year for whatever reason. "

.280/.324/.316

~Juan Pierre

by Goose on Aug 18, 2008 11:59 PM PDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

It's the Cadillac of automobiles!

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Aug 19, 2008 12:10 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Like the old Ford slogan "Any color you want as long as it's lazy!"

"Ask them hitters about the curve. They'll tell you. It's Public Enemy Number 1." -Charlie Dressen.

by dpseadv on Aug 19, 2008 12:56 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Not my department.

I have neither the software nor the tech know-how. Talk to JI or Jeff.

"Maybe Chief has to go and grab somebody from his neck and throw him into the wall."

by esoteric on Aug 19, 2008 12:36 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Siamese twins

it’s science!

The ♥ Jose Lopez ♥ Watch - 148 H, 17 BB, 38 G Left

by seattlebruin on Aug 19, 2008 9:01 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Do you have a cookie?

The ♥ Jose Lopez ♥ Watch - 148 H, 17 BB, 38 G Left

by seattlebruin on Aug 19, 2008 9:23 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Jeff kissing my ass.

You crying.
Robert flying.

Finally, some recognition.

by NOLAmarinergirl on Aug 19, 2008 10:43 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Unless you are having a DEath Becomes Her moment

that picture doesn’t mean what you say it means.

9 = 8

by JI on Aug 19, 2008 11:00 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

This took too much effort
Why do NOLA and I have an audience?
by Jeff on Jul 11, 2008 9:39 PM PDT
 
JI is upset due to your kiss ass thievery.
by NOLAmarinergirl on Jul 11, 2008 9:40 PM PDT

And I think every picture just had to have a big gay eagle.
by NOLAmarinergirl

Finally, some recognition.

by NOLAmarinergirl on Aug 19, 2008 11:16 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

JI is crying because he wants to kiss NOLA's ass?

The ♥ Jose Lopez ♥ Watch - 148 H, 17 BB, 38 G Left

by seattlebruin on Aug 19, 2008 10:52 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

You'd think he'd be happy about this

easier to see over walls and stuff

The ♥ Jose Lopez ♥ Watch - 148 H, 17 BB, 38 G Left

by seattlebruin on Aug 19, 2008 11:01 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

STOP DERAILING MY BEAUTIFUL THREAD YOU ASSHOLES.

You all owe me a rec.

"Maybe Chief has to go and grab somebody from his neck and throw him into the wall."

by esoteric on Aug 19, 2008 3:24 PM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Somewhere some kid with hustle and grit and little talent...

curses the Gods for playing such a cruel hand in awarding so much to such a lazy piece of shit. I wish I hadn’t seen that.

"Ask them hitters about the curve. They'll tell you. It's Public Enemy Number 1." -Charlie Dressen.

by dpseadv on Aug 19, 2008 12:54 AM PDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Why?

David Eckstein’s already in the majors.

by craig3410 on Aug 19, 2008 1:01 AM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Can't find it on mlb.com so it didn't happen.

I was at Shea for the Felix-Slam!
Personal M's record: 5-4.

by EnglishMariner on Aug 19, 2008 8:12 AM PDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Awesome picture, awesome caption.

"Maybe Chief has to go and grab somebody from his neck and throw him into the wall."

by esoteric on Aug 21, 2008 4:32 PM PDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

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