You Miserable Slugs Better Start Retreating Now

by royalsreview on Jul 11, 2008 1:51 PM PDT Comment 37 comments

Sure, after taking the season series in 2006 and 2007, the Mariners Duchy is feeling pretty good about themselves. I'll admit it, from what my intelligence has been able to divine, not only is Grass Creek Wyoming yours, most of Hot Springs County and the rest of the state is as well.

via assets.sbnation.com (click for larger)

But the Battle for Grass Creek resumes tonight and your pathetic team has no shot against the mighty Royals. And not only is this a baseball law, it's a reflection of your inherent depravity and inferiority. The Mariners and their fans are a bunch of miserable little slugs with no personalities. Gil Meche is ours! Horacio Ramirez is ours! Miguel Olivo is ours! Sure, you still have Raul Ibanez, but we all know that he's like one of those T.S. Eliot types who will spend his whole life dancing between Canterbury and Rome.

The Royals will win all three games by a composite score of 37-1. In the 9th inning of the Sunday game Ho-Ram will hit four consecutive batters, forcing in the only Mariner run of the weekend. And thanks to this dominant restoration of the natural order -- like a lion THE KING OF BEASTS devouring a drunken mariner -- thousands of square miles in Central Wyoming will go back over to the blue and white.

Prepare for the worst weekend of your lives. Gil Meche is going to make you wish you had never been born.

Mariners fans=slugs

Royals = salt

via web.ku.edu

10 recs | Comment 37 comments

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Comments

King Felix WILL NOT FINISH THE SECOND INNING

He’s the great pretender

by royalsreview on Jul 11, 2008 1:54 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

BLASPHEMY!

by BrianL on Jul 11, 2008 2:02 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Speaking of Hernandezes

Seen Runelvys Hernandez lately?

by Gomez on Jul 11, 2008 2:17 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

I loved Runelvys (Don't Walkelvys).

I like using semi-colons; they make me feel smart.

by Llewdor on Jul 11, 2008 3:38 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

I love these posts.

the other angels fan

by Eyebrows on Jul 11, 2008 1:54 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

You bastards will die

-for giving us Raul
-for stealing Jose Guillen, and not giving us the draft pick we deserved
-for taking Gil Meche from us and forcing Bavasi to sign someone worse.

See what JI started by dropping the periods?

by JI on Jul 11, 2008 2:01 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

I always forget Jose was a Mariner

he is eternally a petulant Angel in my mind

by royalsreview on Jul 11, 2008 4:01 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

The Royals are better than us.

I’m not used to this…

by ThundaPC on Jul 11, 2008 2:03 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

What do four Royals singles equal?

Four GIDP opportunities for the next batter!

by Gomez on Jul 11, 2008 2:10 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Oh no you di'nt!

by BrianL on Jul 11, 2008 2:12 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Also, in before

by Gomez on Jul 11, 2008 2:12 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

"Safe Royal Territory" = oxymoron

Even as I type this, dedicated M’s operatives are on the ground in Albany county, Platte county and yes, even Laramie county. These guys are the Billy Mays’s (sp?) of M’s nation. They are very, very persuasive. Our people, our assembled Team, are quietly meeting with the influential movers and shakers of Cheyenne, Wheatland and Laramie.
Right now, bearded heads at the University are nodding sagely as they learn that KC barbecue’s carbon footprint dwarfs that of wild-caught Pacific salmon. Hardened cattlemen chuckle and smile – agreeing that yeah, fountains are pretty ‘faggy,’ come to think.

This is only the first step, Mr. Review. If you think we’ll stop at the state line, you’re sorely mistaken. When you start to hear of our unstoppable advance, when you wonder how this happened, and why you were cursed to be alive when Shit Got Real, I want you to remember one thing: you brought this on yourself. You could’ve ceded Grass Creek without a fight, you could have continued to utilize diplomatic channels, giving yourself time to grow or develop or whatever the fuck it is you people do (molt?). But you DIDN’T, and you shall reap the whirlwind.

by marc w on Jul 11, 2008 2:20 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

I love these threads so very very much.

by acblue on Jul 11, 2008 3:02 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

If you're salt

and we’re slugs, I say go ahead, pour on all the salt you can. I’m still in the tank for Strasburg boat, especially if we ever have 1B Cairo DH Vidro again.

by LantermanC on Jul 11, 2008 2:32 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

I dunno...Our lead over KC in the Strasburg hunt isn't all that great.

They might be a darkhorse.

Maybe this year’s battle versus the hated Royals is to see who can tank and loose more games.

by BrianL on Jul 11, 2008 2:35 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

I think we're safe.

At some point this season, we have the potential for something like this:

C-Jamie Burke
1B-Miguel Cairo/Craig Wilson
2B-Vidro (or Tuglett if he’s released)
3B-Beltre
SS-Yuni
DH-Cairo/Wilson
LF-Ibanez
CF-WFB
RF-Ichiro

How could we not win the race? Seriously. Even with all the starters, Clement/Loafie/Reed are not much of an improvement.

by AtomicGarden on Jul 11, 2008 3:49 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Craig Wilson is a human white flag

by Gomez on Jul 11, 2008 4:02 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Jose Vidro is a human white whale.

See what JI started by dropping the periods?

by JI on Jul 11, 2008 4:21 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

He looks brown to me

Brown like a well cooked bratwurst.

by Gomez on Jul 11, 2008 4:30 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Um, we've already seen a worse lineup than that.

Yesterday’s.

by Matthew on Jul 11, 2008 4:35 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Say one more word, Mr. Review,

and we will unleash the unstoppable force that is Jose Vidro’s appetite all over your team. Its a force that cannot be controlled or channelled. Leave Wyoming forever, or become lunch. Consider yourself warned.

Alex Gordon….its whats for dinner.

--Dave
Addicted to Quack, SBN's Oregon Ducks blog

by Addicted to Quack on Jul 11, 2008 4:06 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs