May 28th: Bavasi gives Jarrod Washburn's kinder, cheaper equivalent to the Padres for free.
May 28th: With the Mariners standing at 19-34, 12.5 back of the Angels, we learn that they have no intention of making Brandon Morrow a starter this year, because they like what he brings to the team in the eighth inning. Morrow admits to the media that he's disappointed.
May 28th: Miguel Cairo starts at first base.
May 30th: Carlos Silva and his shiny new $48m contract get booed off the mound in the first inning.
May 30th: Miguel Cairo starts at first base.
May 31st: Miguel Cairo starts at first base.
June 1st: Miguel Cairo starts at first base.
June 3rd: Miguel Cairo pinch-hits in the bottom of the ninth of a one-run game.
June 3rd: Geoff Baker lets us in on the fact that the Mariners are on pace to become the first team in history to spend $100m on payroll and lose 100 games.
June 4th: Jose Vidro bats cleanup and goes 0-4, dropping his OPS below .600. Jeff Clement and his AAA OPS that is literally double that of Vidro gets the day off.
June 4th: The Mariners achieve the worst record in baseball by getting swept by a minor league version of the Angels on their own turf.
June 4th: Overcome with disbelief that his preseason expectations were totally wrong, Bavasi instructs his players to sit in front of their lockers and think about what they've done, failing to understand that he's the one responsible for putting all these assclowns together under one roof. He did so with an eye towards chemistry.
June 4th: Richie Sexson refuses to sit in front of his locker and think about what he's done.
June 4th: Everybody in the organization starts calling each other names and I receive confirmation that the clubhouse has officially become a complete train wreck. Ichiro insinuates that he's emotionally broken. John McLaren flips out.
June 5th: An organization with needs at every single position but one spends its first round pick on exactly that of which they have more than enough. Fields brings good stuff but joins a list of college relievers taken in the first round that to date has brought a lousy collective return. The rest of the day's picks are also strange. The team does not get a sandwich pick between the first and second rounds because it retardedly refused to offer arbitration to Jose Guillen.
It's time to press reset, because this game is over.