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Around SBN: Jerry Sandusky's Wife Tries To Run A Reporter Over

6/17: Open Game Thread, Part 2

Top of the 4th:

called strike (change)
called strike (change)
swinging strike (curve)
called strike (fastball)
swinging strike (fastball)
swinging strike (fastball)
called strike (curve)
swinging strike (fastball)
called strike (slider)

Give Felix however much money he wants right the fuck now.

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Willie 2-2.

He has just bought himself 3 months of playing time.

by BrianL on Jun 17, 2008 8:07 PM PDT reply actions  

HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND

HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND HOT HAND

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 8:09 PM PDT up reply actions  

dammit

brb. I have to explain to someone why Beltre is good.

you + are = you're

by Katal LM on Jun 17, 2008 8:13 PM PDT reply actions  

He's someone I have to spend a lot of time with as it is

There’s almost so much “I don’t understand why you guys signed Beltre. He’s untradeable.” that one can stand.

you + are = you're

by Katal LM on Jun 17, 2008 8:18 PM PDT up reply actions  

Okay, Vidro

Grab a bat and kill this rally!

by Paytheline on Jun 17, 2008 8:14 PM PDT reply actions  

He should shave the handle of his bat down really thin

So each time he swings and makes contact it breaks…that is the only value he brings. The potential for taking out other players (ours included)

I fucking hate you Mariners

by kentroyals5 on Jun 17, 2008 8:16 PM PDT up reply actions  

WOOOOO

I fucking hate you Mariners

by kentroyals5 on Jun 17, 2008 8:17 PM PDT reply actions  

MORE BENDY THINGS

PLEASE MAKE SWEET PASSIONATE LOVE TO ME FELIX!

by BrianL on Jun 17, 2008 8:17 PM PDT reply actions  

98mph

He’s throwing really easy up there.

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 8:19 PM PDT up reply actions  

Let's hope Felix is more eager to conclude a long-term deal with an FO headed by someone other than Bavasi.

Jesus Christ is Felix dealing today. Best I’ve seen in him damn near forever. OH NOES THE CONSECUTIVE STRIKEOUT BINGE WAS BROKEN UP BY AN EASY GROUNDBALL!

Sign this kid long-term, for fuck’s sake.

by esoteric on Jun 17, 2008 8:19 PM PDT reply actions  

I thought they said 30 earlier.

This is much more impressive.

NEEDS LESS SUCK

by Double06 on Jun 17, 2008 8:19 PM PDT reply actions  

WAHOOOOOO

I fucking hate you Mariners

by kentroyals5 on Jun 17, 2008 8:20 PM PDT reply actions  

I've never heard of a fast change.

I mean, a 90mph change is faster then Washburn’s fastball. There’s something cosmically wrong with a “fast change”.

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 8:23 PM PDT up reply actions  

Well yeah

I suppose relative to Moyer’s changeup, Felix’s changeup is a “fast changeup”... but

You’re just fucking with me, aren’t you?

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 8:24 PM PDT up reply actions  

90mph deuce....

hahahaha get the fuck outta here man….

by PLU Tim on Jun 17, 2008 8:20 PM PDT reply actions  

What scares me

Is that Felix was on this caliber of roll a month or two ago, and it ended up being a 4-1 loss on a big 8th inning for the opposition.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:23 PM PDT reply actions  

Well this is actually a decent point, but we already have more run support now than we did then

Plus, it’s a lot clearer how to deploy the bullpen. No Putz or Potatoes, and Morrow as your fireman in a pinch.

by esoteric on Jun 17, 2008 8:26 PM PDT up reply actions  

It was all Felix ER

But he left before he could give up the runs themselves. I think Green blew it all, but got no ER due to the men he inherited on base.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:27 PM PDT up reply actions  

Or personally knew him and disliked him

I have a feeling that’s a decidedly smaller number.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:26 PM PDT up reply actions  

By all accounts he was a really neat person

Just shitty at his job, so I’m sure hardly anyone thought badly of him as a person.

by marinator on Jun 17, 2008 8:27 PM PDT up reply actions  

I would think so

Hence

[expletive] Dave Sampson.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:28 PM PDT up reply actions  

Saying a lot...?

Think not.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:29 PM PDT up reply actions  

It makes it funnier, I think

Seeing as that was the censor used in the official release of the statement.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:30 PM PDT up reply actions  

So Hancock.

aWesome movie or really awesome movie?

Go Nova

by dbroncos31 on Jun 17, 2008 8:29 PM PDT reply actions  

Is that the one co-starring Jason Bateman?

Anything with him gets some credit from me. Guy turned me into a huge fan with Arrested Development.

I also STRONGLY recommend that any fans of Tobias (David Cross) go get their hands on the DVDs of Mr. Show. I prefer the (short) 2nd season the most, but a lot of people like the 3rd or the 4th even more. Either way, check it out, it’s the American Monty Python: hit and miss, but when it hits, look the fuck out.

by esoteric on Jun 17, 2008 8:35 PM PDT up reply actions  

slow bat

Jl/Robert '08: Promise for a CoachCage tomorrow!

by Fin on Jun 17, 2008 8:32 PM PDT up reply actions  

Basically he'll eventually get a RBI if he gets enough playing time

Such as Cairo.

Jl/Robert '08: Promise for a CoachCage tomorrow!

by Fin on Jun 17, 2008 8:34 PM PDT up reply actions  

He doesn't even believe in chemistry!

And wants to be a defect to the NL! Fuck Willie!

FUCK WILLIE!.....

/sob

...bastard…

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 8:34 PM PDT up reply actions  

What are you trying to insinuate here, huh?

That Willie can’t hit well?

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jun 17, 2008 8:33 PM PDT up reply actions  

Willie K's? SHOCKED

Shave and a haircut two ti- hey hold on.

by PhilKenSebben on Jun 17, 2008 8:32 PM PDT reply actions  

I think you mean
:O

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:33 PM PDT up reply actions  

<:O

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jun 17, 2008 8:33 PM PDT up reply actions  

Dunce hat?

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:34 PM PDT up reply actions  

Boston Red Sox?

Jl/Robert '08: Promise for a CoachCage tomorrow!

by Fin on Jun 17, 2008 8:34 PM PDT up reply actions  

Have a Sox scout staying in my hotel tonight

I asked him what was up since the draft was over, said he was just doing his rounds on the high schoolers. He promised me a hat.

I’m torn. I may have to burn it.

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 8:36 PM PDT up reply actions  

I love Bostonians

Cept for those Bostonians which = Sox fans circa 2004.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:39 PM PDT up reply actions  

What?

Sox fans circa 2004 aren’t bad.
It’s Sox fans circa 2005-present that suck.

you + are = you're

by Katal LM on Jun 17, 2008 8:40 PM PDT up reply actions  

Huh.

So that’s where Jim Presley went.

NEEDS LESS SUCK

by Double06 on Jun 17, 2008 8:35 PM PDT reply actions  

Tallywhack?

SHUT UP VALLE

Shave and a haircut two ti- hey hold on.

by PhilKenSebben on Jun 17, 2008 8:35 PM PDT reply actions  

Ichiro would've gotten that.

Fuck you Willie.

Jl/Robert '08: Promise for a CoachCage tomorrow!

by Fin on Jun 17, 2008 8:36 PM PDT reply actions  

so i start watching..

and Felix gives up his 2nd hit..
and his 3rd hit…

http://seattlesportsmaniac.blogspot.com

by LantermanC on Jun 17, 2008 8:36 PM PDT reply actions  

Hm.

This inning is not as awesome.

by BrianL on Jun 17, 2008 8:36 PM PDT reply actions  

Jesus

That 2-seamer was moving with evil intent. Ramirez had to work to touch it.

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 8:40 PM PDT reply actions  

God dammit.

Felix is getting pussy hit to death.

by BrianL on Jun 17, 2008 8:40 PM PDT reply actions  

What a way to go

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jun 17, 2008 8:40 PM PDT up reply actions  

Super Rhyme Time

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jun 17, 2008 8:41 PM PDT up reply actions  

aww nice try adian

Shave and a haircut two ti- hey hold on.

by PhilKenSebben on Jun 17, 2008 8:40 PM PDT reply actions  

Huh.

Hey God? This is TIF.

KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF.

Sincerely yours,

TIF

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 8:40 PM PDT reply actions  

Hey TIF,

You know what you did. This is all your fault.

SIncerely yours,
God

by joof on Jun 17, 2008 8:42 PM PDT up reply actions  

Dear God

Don’t make me remind you of the time you clogged a drain with your butt hair, causing that little overflow you had to lie was a “great flood” to wipe out all life on Earth.

Noah’s still pissed at you for that.

Sincerely yours,

TIF

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 8:43 PM PDT up reply actions  

By the way, can somebody explain to me why in God's name Ichiro is playing RF now?

I know Jeff’s commented a bit on this already but it’s infuriating. INFURIATING. Ichiro is immensely valuable (and worth his K) as a CF…and nowhere nearly as much as a RF. What in god’s name could have triggered this? Must be more to it than we know.

by esoteric on Jun 17, 2008 8:41 PM PDT reply actions  

When Mac daydreams about Ichiro he's playing RF

So he thinks that is where he belongs. Squinty is losing it.

by marinator on Jun 17, 2008 8:42 PM PDT up reply actions  

Get Kobe up to Seattle

Dude’s probably pissed enough that he’ll rape the entire Marlins roster.

you + are = you're

by Katal LM on Jun 17, 2008 8:41 PM PDT reply actions  

Kobe-Durant-Green

Would lead Seattle to to a finals.

Jl/Robert '08: Promise for a CoachCage tomorrow!

by Fin on Jun 17, 2008 8:43 PM PDT up reply actions  

14 straight fastballs this inning = bases loaded, 0 outs

YOU ARE GETTING SMACKED UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH THE LESSON FELIX!! PAY ATTENTION.

by Matthew on Jun 17, 2008 8:41 PM PDT reply actions  

99?

Boy he’s loose.

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 8:42 PM PDT reply actions  

Fuck you

I’m willing to fight if anyone wants to.

you + are = you're

by Katal LM on Jun 17, 2008 8:42 PM PDT reply actions  

Fuck me down

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:43 PM PDT reply actions  

I turn the tv on

4 staright hits, i’m turning off tv now..

http://seattlesportsmaniac.blogspot.com

by LantermanC on Jun 17, 2008 8:43 PM PDT reply actions  

More like 4 straight balls that somehow didn't get turned into outs

Poor Felix, though the Steady Fastball diet is not working (obviously)

HA HA HA, your Grandpa's an ASS!- Tourette's Guy (R.I.P)

by tootthekazoo on Jun 17, 2008 8:44 PM PDT up reply actions  

Gee I wonder what Mel is going to say

“Son, I don’t think you’re establishing the fastball. Throw it some more.”

by BrianL on Jun 17, 2008 8:43 PM PDT reply actions  

Would your first act as

assistant to the general manager is firing Dave Valle?

Jl/Robert '08: Promise for a CoachCage tomorrow!

by Fin on Jun 17, 2008 8:44 PM PDT up reply actions  

Can who?

Cantu.

That’s who.

you + are = you're

by Katal LM on Jun 17, 2008 8:44 PM PDT reply actions  

Thanks for that.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:44 PM PDT up reply actions  

I miss Katal
:(

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:45 PM PDT up reply actions  

FASTBALLS = RUNS

!FASTBALLS = Ks

How do you fail to see this pattern??

by Matthew on Jun 17, 2008 8:45 PM PDT reply actions  

yes if it's 0-2 just throw a low

curveball or changeup, those are pretty much unhittable unless he makes a mistake and leaves it up, but since it’s 0-2 go extra low

http://seattlesportsmaniac.blogspot.com

by LantermanC on Jun 17, 2008 8:47 PM PDT up reply actions  

Barf

Here comes the 3-2 fastball

by JLC on Jun 17, 2008 8:48 PM PDT reply actions  

STFD SON

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:49 PM PDT reply actions  

Sit down Uggla.

Shave and a haircut two ti- hey hold on.

by PhilKenSebben on Jun 17, 2008 8:51 PM PDT reply actions  

30 seconds god dammit stop taking timeouts and FINISH THE THING

I gotta get back to Felix, Celtics.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:52 PM PDT reply actions  

Bill Russell has awesome hair

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 8:52 PM PDT reply actions  

pffft

Look at this extension!

It’s almost as good as Robert right now.

by Matthew on Jun 17, 2008 9:05 PM PDT up reply actions  

Yeah, that long swing of mine is terrible.

I couldn’t even manage to knock out the windows on that apartment complex I hit off you.

by Matthew on Jun 17, 2008 9:10 PM PDT up reply actions  

+ a manpurse.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 9:02 PM PDT up reply actions  

Like seriously Jesus he is nuts

He just went from quiet toi screaming curses to apologizing to screaming to quiet to flirting with michelle tafoya

Go Nova

by dbroncos31 on Jun 17, 2008 8:58 PM PDT up reply actions  

The Marlins have done their homework...

as soon as Turbo is at the plate, Ichiro will try and get out of the DP

by pakipaki on Jun 17, 2008 8:59 PM PDT reply actions  

.gif this. Please.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 9:05 PM PDT reply actions  

OH MY FUCKING GOD

DIE WILLIE!

GIF NOW!

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 9:05 PM PDT reply actions  

Late?

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 9:05 PM PDT up reply actions  

Oh god....

Willie went through Tacoma on that fly ball. What an awful route.

by PLU Tim on Jun 17, 2008 9:05 PM PDT reply actions  

BHAHAHAHAHA VALLE

“The wind is blowing out to center field”

:::shows flags hardly moving in any direction:::

NEEDS LESS SUCK

by Double06 on Jun 17, 2008 9:06 PM PDT reply actions  

Haha I missed that

Sounds funny though.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 9:06 PM PDT up reply actions  

Its ok, Ichiro's having fun in right

everything is fine

http://seattlesportsmaniac.blogspot.com

by LantermanC on Jun 17, 2008 9:06 PM PDT reply actions  

That's right Felix

you should be fucking pissed off at Willie.

Shank him. Shank him like Guillen would have.

by BrianL on Jun 17, 2008 9:08 PM PDT reply actions  

Well I'm leaving work guys

Nice stopping in and talking to you. GO M’s

by Robert on Jun 17, 2008 9:08 PM PDT reply actions  

Where do you work anyway?

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 9:10 PM PDT up reply actions  

Raul :)

I’m glad you’re our DH.

...wait.

by BrianL on Jun 17, 2008 9:12 PM PDT reply actions  

Wait.

Righty pitcher in…. WHERE’S THE PLATOON PARTNER REED MCLAREN?

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 9:13 PM PDT reply actions  

We have 12 hits, 1 walk, and 5 runs.

The Marlins have 6 hits, 0 walks, and 4 runs.

Our offense sucks.

by Wilder. on Jun 17, 2008 9:13 PM PDT reply actions  

Or our situational hitting

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 9:14 PM PDT up reply actions  

Bad baserunning disguised as good baserunning

Because Ramirez is a shitty defensive short stop.

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 9:14 PM PDT reply actions  

PINCH HIT

I fucking hate you Mariners

by kentroyals5 on Jun 17, 2008 9:15 PM PDT reply actions  

RIGHTY PITCHER RIGHTY PITCHER RIGHTY PITCHER

WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED? WHERE’S REED?

YOUR PLATOON SKILLS SUCK MCLAREN!

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 9:16 PM PDT reply actions  

I don't get how Mac obsesses over matchups when they are not useful at all,

but totally forgets them when they could really be used for advantage.

Coach/Butthol '09: We shall overcome.

by qrsouther on Jun 17, 2008 9:17 PM PDT reply actions  

Simple.

Incompetence.

Fans are typically idiots.

by The Typical Idiot Fan on Jun 17, 2008 9:17 PM PDT up reply actions  

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