5/7: Open Game Thread
Texas Rangers @ Seattle Mariners
I was planning to come home and talk about how already the losing has gotten to the point at which it's funny and no longer bothersome, but then I sat down, looked at my computer, and realized that I still have a lingering shred of hope tucked away somewhere in my brain that's yet to be destroyed, a shred that has thus far effectively hidden itself from the swarming hordes of crushing indifference. But I'm sure that shred will be taken care of in a timely fashion. Kind of like Anne Frank.
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What's not to like about German efficiency?
Why is Wlad batting ninth?
I like using semi-colons; they make me feel smart.
by Llewdor on
May 7, 2008 5:41 PM PDT
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And by coincidence
guess the name of the next 12 shows at the INTIMAN Theatre.
by JeffS on
May 7, 2008 5:48 PM PDT
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Zyklon the Cuddly Tedd-PSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH
I like using semi-colons; they make me feel smart.
by Llewdor on
May 7, 2008 5:53 PM PDT
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The only thing I remember about that book
is her being a lesbian.
by JI on
May 7, 2008 6:18 PM PDT
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Come on Pittsburgh
Zito in line for the loss to go 0-7.
by Alex B on
May 7, 2008 5:52 PM PDT
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Even better than watching a no-hit bid.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 5:54 PM PDT
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I hope you mean with the Giants
because not wanting 20 losses for Zito is wrong.
by Gomez on
May 7, 2008 6:03 PM PDT
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You know, Cy Young holds the Major League record for losses
Barry Zito is just trying to emulate him after winning his award
by seattlebruin on
May 7, 2008 5:54 PM PDT
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Jeff, if Jeff Mangum knocks on your door, I'd hide.
by John Morgan on
May 7, 2008 5:54 PM PDT
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John Morgan sighting
Great draft recap, by the way.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 5:55 PM PDT
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Thanks.
I’m pretty wired. I might just forgo sleep and take in a Mariners game. They still have that Griffey kid? He’s a gamer.
by John Morgan on
May 7, 2008 6:00 PM PDT
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Sleep is for losers.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:04 PM PDT
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Addendum:
Sleeping at night is for losers. Naps from 3-9 are for winners
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:05 PM PDT
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So you're not a winner?
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:07 PM PDT
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Here on the east coast I sure am
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:09 PM PDT
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Well then so am I.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:11 PM PDT
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Yeah.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:13 PM PDT
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Don't be dissing juiceboxes
They’re delicious
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:17 PM PDT
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Well I just downloaded a new album thanks to this
by JeffS on
May 7, 2008 6:31 PM PDT
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Personally
I can’t get into anything Jeff Mangum does. I’ve tried but it just doesn’t work for my ear.
The poster formerly known as Matt.
by bluemax on
May 7, 2008 6:32 PM PDT
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I'm willing to give him a shot
I found out with Rufus Wainwright that having a good voice doesn’t mean I’ll like you, so now I’m testing the opposite.
by JeffS on
May 7, 2008 6:38 PM PDT
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I thought I'd like him since I like Jeff Buckley
I thought wrong.
by JeffS on
May 7, 2008 6:46 PM PDT
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I thought the same way.
So, so very wrong.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:46 PM PDT
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But hey, the Wainright-does-Garland album? Rightio!
by JeffS on
May 7, 2008 6:47 PM PDT
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Rufus Wainright: The Jon Garland Album
IIIIIIIIIIIIIII
I cannot
I cannot striiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike the batters ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut...
by JeffS on
May 7, 2008 6:49 PM PDT
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"JeffS" is still here?
I thought regular old “Jeff” would be back by now. :(
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 5:57 PM PDT
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This team is just so frustrating.
Mariners Fans: The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can’t. Not without your help. But you’re not helping.
Bavasi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I’M NOT HELPING?
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:01 PM PDT
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Cliff Lee is defying regression.
0.82 ERA
I’m scared.
by vkut79 on
May 7, 2008 6:11 PM PDT
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Wait
you meant the opposite of what you said!
by JI on
May 7, 2008 6:23 PM PDT
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Yeah! Like when I say: Mariners.
Not horribly bad.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:24 PM PDT
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Today's fun fact
If you google image search for happy balentiens day, you get one interesting result
by Nick S on
May 7, 2008 6:14 PM PDT
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Those darn
bs and vs. So easy to mix up.
The poster formerly known as Matt.
by bluemax on
May 7, 2008 6:17 PM PDT
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I think I might hate Carlos Mencia more than I hate Dane Cook
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:21 PM PDT
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Do you have to choose? Can't the both go on a co-headling tour and have their tour bus crash killing all involved?
by SethGrandpa on
May 7, 2008 6:25 PM PDT
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Dane Cook's jokes are unfunny and his delivery sucks, but Mencia only has one joke, and it's a really shitty one.
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:28 PM PDT
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At least he's not constantly yelling.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:29 PM PDT
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I don't know which he you're talking about.
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:31 PM PDT
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Cook.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:31 PM PDT
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You are talking about Dane Cook, right?
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:35 PM PDT
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I can't believe Coach would approve of any comedy not done by a muppet.
by JI on
May 7, 2008 6:36 PM PDT
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Hey know. Until Jim Henson died, The Muppets
were one of the most popular show on television!
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:38 PM PDT
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Lay off the italics, commas, and exclamation points
it’ll really help you out.
by JI on
May 7, 2008 6:39 PM PDT
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Bad joke
Ask one of your nerd friends
by ningwers on
May 7, 2008 6:43 PM PDT
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But you said to limit the Star Trek chatter...
by ningwers on
May 7, 2008 6:47 PM PDT
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TOS = Star Trek: The Original Series
TNG = Star Trek: The Next Generation
DS9 = Star Trek: Deep Space 9
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:47 PM PDT
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I miss that show
I wasn’t the same after the original cast left.
by JI on
May 7, 2008 6:58 PM PDT
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I think it peaked during the original Green Ranger saga
by ningwers on
May 7, 2008 7:04 PM PDT
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It jumped the shark when they ran out of Japanese stock footage.
by JI on
May 7, 2008 7:05 PM PDT
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Ah that Japanese stock footage was priceless.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 7:06 PM PDT
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If the bad guys knew their identies and could see them whereever they went
why didn’t they just shoot them while they were on the can?
by JI on
May 7, 2008 7:09 PM PDT
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Remember the movie?
Oh man, when that came out, I thought that it was the greatest day in my young life.
And even at 8 years old, I realized that it was a horrible horrible movie.
Felix Hernandez may be The King, but Justin Upton is a GOD.
"I eagerly await the day when I can shit in the living room"
~Robert
by Goose on
May 7, 2008 7:07 PM PDT
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I actively hated the Power Rangers growing up
but I still had Kimberly dreams.
by JeffS on
May 7, 2008 7:09 PM PDT
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This makes me wish I was still watching
by Robert on
May 7, 2008 7:10 PM PDT
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Why do kid's today always get it better than we did
by ningwers on
May 7, 2008 7:11 PM PDT
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Damn.
On that note, this gives me another opportunity to hype the That Guy with the Glasses.
Felix Hernandez may be The King, but Justin Upton is a GOD.
"I eagerly await the day when I can shit in the living room"
~Robert
by Goose on
May 7, 2008 7:12 PM PDT
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His review of The Wizard is fantastic.
I love his rivalry with the Angry Video Game Nerd.
Felix Hernandez may be The King, but Justin Upton is a GOD.
"I eagerly await the day when I can shit in the living room"
~Robert
by Goose on
May 7, 2008 7:14 PM PDT
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I still like Yahtzee's video game reviews more
but this is good stuff.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 7:14 PM PDT
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You know there are naked pictures of her on the internet, right?
She’s naked in them.
by Jordan of Boise on
May 7, 2008 7:18 PM PDT
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can you do further work for me and just tell me what to google search?
by Matthew on
May 7, 2008 7:20 PM PDT
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dig around with 'amy jo johnson nude' etc
just watch out for the usual array of pornovirus entangulation.
by Jordan of Boise on
May 7, 2008 7:29 PM PDT
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To the Googlemobile!
Felix Hernandez may be The King, but Justin Upton is a GOD.
"I eagerly await the day when I can shit in the living room"
~Robert
by Goose on
May 7, 2008 7:21 PM PDT
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Did anyone not find it a little racist?
The Black Ranger was the black kid.
The Yellow Ranger was the asian girl.
That’s no coincidence.
by borgy on
May 7, 2008 7:08 PM PDT
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It's not racist, it's just color-coded to help the kids
You call the black the guy the “green ranger,” and bam, all those kids get autism.
by Jordan of Boise on
May 7, 2008 7:33 PM PDT
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It was stereotypical in every way imaginable
by ningwers on
May 7, 2008 7:10 PM PDT
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I think amongst the Asian population,
the stereotype of them being “yellow” is considered a little racist. But maybe not.
by borgy on
May 7, 2008 7:14 PM PDT
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like all things in childhood
they were horribly stereotypical.
go watch a disney movie sometime. All stereotypes.
by Matthew on
May 7, 2008 7:10 PM PDT
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Dane Cook's under the impression that if you act hyper and crazy enough, people will laugh at anything.
Even if it’s really really unfunny.
by borgy on
May 7, 2008 6:29 PM PDT
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I hate both of them
but I think I hate Dane Cook more.
Dane Cook: I DON’T REALLY HAVE ANY JOKES I’M JUST GOING TO SCREAM AND YELL AT YOU AND PASS IT OFF AS COMEDY, AM I RIGHT!?
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:29 PM PDT
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Now, Sam Kinison.
He yelled and was hilarious.
by borgy on
May 7, 2008 6:31 PM PDT
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Mencia: BEANER. DON'T BE PC. WHAT I SAID WAS FUNNY, LAUGH! BEANER. DON'T BE PC. WHAT I SAID WAS FUNNY, LAUGH! etc...
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:31 PM PDT
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Now the comedian I hate the most?
Ralphie Fucking May.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:32 PM PDT
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Now that sounds like a hell of a show
by ningwers on
May 7, 2008 6:33 PM PDT
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Go watch his act on the Spike Video Games Award show
the single most painful comedy act in the history of mankind.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:34 PM PDT
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Oh...
that sounds much less entertaining
by ningwers on
May 7, 2008 6:39 PM PDT
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He was literally begging for people to laugh.
All he was getting were courtesy chuckles and uncomfortable cheap laughs.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:40 PM PDT
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You know your an assclown when a douche like Joe Rogan call you out about stealing jokes to your face.
by SethGrandpa on
May 7, 2008 6:34 PM PDT
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Joe Rogan was in NewsRadio
so at least he used to be funny.
by JI on
May 7, 2008 6:37 PM PDT
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I guess one of the advantages to being a douche with a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is you can call out whoever you want, douche or no.
by MrIncognito on
May 7, 2008 7:02 PM PDT
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Not that we aren't all aware of this already
but ESPN’s baseball schedule sucks:
May 11th: Red Sox at Twins
May 12th: Red Sox at Twins
May 18th: Mets at Yankees
May 19th: Cubs at Houston
May 25th: Angles at White Sox
May 27th: Dodgers at Cubs
June 2nd: Yankees at Twins
June 9th: Indians at Tigers
June 16th Red Sox at Phillies
June 23rd: Mariners at Mets
June 30th: Mets at Cardinals
July 7th: Twins at Red Sox
4 games without the Mets, Yankees or Red Sox from now until July.
The poster formerly known as Matt.
by bluemax on
May 7, 2008 6:21 PM PDT
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Random observation
Baltimore Orioles are now 16-18. They’re 10-17 against Non-Mariner teams.
by ThundaPC on
May 7, 2008 6:28 PM PDT
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Our team provides hope for a depressed fan base.
by vkut79 on
May 7, 2008 6:31 PM PDT
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what about the M's fan base
are there any more depressed then us?
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on
May 7, 2008 6:33 PM PDT
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The Rangers maybe?
The Marlins?
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:34 PM PDT
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The Marlins at least get some amazing seasons from time to time
Which include something called World Series, although I don’t really know what that means
by vkut79 on
May 7, 2008 6:40 PM PDT
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They also haven't finished in the top ten in attendance
in the National League since 1997 when they finished 5th.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:48 PM PDT
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In fact I'd wager that being absent from the games greatly improved their mental health
by ningwers on
May 7, 2008 6:49 PM PDT
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Not quite but basically yes it does.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:52 PM PDT
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5 years ago. They also finished with 71 wins last year.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:54 PM PDT
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What's that from?
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:57 PM PDT
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Worst game ever.
Felix Hernandez may be The King, but Justin Upton is a GOD.
"I eagerly await the day when I can shit in the living room"
~Robert
by Goose on
May 7, 2008 6:58 PM PDT
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Eh.
ET for the Atari 2600 just barely edges it out.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:59 PM PDT
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Ok, worst modern game ever!
Felix Hernandez may be The King, but Justin Upton is a GOD.
"I eagerly await the day when I can shit in the living room"
~Robert
by Goose on
May 7, 2008 7:00 PM PDT
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AAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh!!!!!
MIGUEL FUCKING CAIRO AT FIRST TONIGHT
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:33 PM PDT
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That's a creative solution to our offensive woes.
by JI on
May 7, 2008 6:35 PM PDT
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Cairo and Burke in the same lineup.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:38 PM PDT
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Who are you? Dane Cook?
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:36 PM PDT
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Did you just contradict yourself?
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:37 PM PDT
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Uhm, no?
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:40 PM PDT
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"At least he's not constantly yelling" - you, regarding Dane Cook.
“Who are you? Dane Cook?” – you, regarding BrianL yelling
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:42 PM PDT
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No, Mencia was who I meant isn't constantly yelling.
Not Cook.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:43 PM PDT
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"I don't know which he you're talking about" - me
“Cook” – you
Therefore, you said, “At least Cook’s not constantly yelling.”
by Last Fan Of Jose Lopez on
May 7, 2008 6:45 PM PDT
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Well I misspoke, I meant Cook is the one constantly yelling.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:49 PM PDT
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If you find it in your heart, make it so!
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:44 PM PDT
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This just in.
Sexson now out of the lineup due to family issue. Cairo to play first.
by ThundaPC on
May 7, 2008 6:34 PM PDT
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So Vidro is now behind
Jaime Burke and Miguel Cairo? Ouch…..
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on
May 7, 2008 6:35 PM PDT
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Celebrating
his 3 year extension to be announced tomorrow.
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on
May 7, 2008 6:45 PM PDT
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Do the M's front office think
Clement sucks at catching? Why Burke?
by dre1614 on
May 7, 2008 6:39 PM PDT
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does it really matter if he's DH or Catcher
as long as he’s in the lineup?
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on
May 7, 2008 6:40 PM PDT
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Im glad he is in the lineup,
but i don’t understand why Clement is catching, unless they don’t feel like he is going to be there long term
by dre1614 on
May 7, 2008 6:42 PM PDT
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Well if they're not going to DH Raul
might as well do something to keep Vidro’s option from vesting.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:42 PM PDT
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Norm Charlton
Has been through the wars, sayeth Brad Adams.
by ThundaPC on
May 7, 2008 6:41 PM PDT
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So, baseball then.....
Felix Hernandez may be The King, but Justin Upton is a GOD.
"I eagerly await the day when I can shit in the living room"
~Robert
by Goose on
May 7, 2008 6:46 PM PDT
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so we're not going to talk about the M's at all?
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on
May 7, 2008 6:47 PM PDT
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Jered Weaver
IP 3.1
10H
8ER
1BB
1SO
2HR
5.59ERA
Regression = Continues.
by ThundaPC on
May 7, 2008 6:47 PM PDT
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It's the Weaver in him.
Can’t escape the suck if it’s in your genes.
Muahahahahah.
by vkut79 on
May 7, 2008 6:49 PM PDT
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Along with the many, many years
of drug abuse.
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:52 PM PDT
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Not that it matters
but the Angels are only averaging about 3.25 runs per game for him. This is really on his 4th bad start of the year. So right now he’s good 50% of the time he takes the mound or whatever.
The poster formerly known as Matt.
by bluemax on
May 7, 2008 6:54 PM PDT
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Jeff is wasting a terrific opportunity by not being bipolar with JeffS
by Robert on
May 7, 2008 6:54 PM PDT
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JeffS has a crippling addiction to Reese's Pieces while Jeff exhibits remarkable willpower
by JeffS on
May 7, 2008 6:58 PM PDT
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I would have gone with a pervert joke myself.
by JI on
May 7, 2008 7:00 PM PDT
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Jeff's a pussy
Man up, and make saturated fat your bitch
by ningwers on
May 7, 2008 7:01 PM PDT
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Heh
this reminds me of the hey day of Facebook when my friend had a normal profile and “drunk profile”.
The poster formerly known as Matt.
by bluemax on
May 7, 2008 7:04 PM PDT
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I was drunk ranting on facebook last night about LL being down
I never knew the status line had a character limit
by Robert on
May 7, 2008 7:06 PM PDT
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Oh Good God
anyone see that autistic kid on the pre-game show?
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:55 PM PDT
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Oh, this is good.
Now we’re making fun of mentally-handicapped children! Sheesh!
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:56 PM PDT
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Did you miss the entire thread
where we made fun of the crippled Little Leaguer?
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 6:57 PM PDT
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we've been making fun of you for ever.
(had to)
by Matthew on
May 7, 2008 6:57 PM PDT
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You and me, parking lot, 5 minutes.
I’ll grind your face into dirt!
Cheeseburgers are delicious.
by Coach Owens on
May 7, 2008 6:58 PM PDT
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You are succeeding in being funny
for reasons other than you intended.
by JI on
May 7, 2008 6:59 PM PDT
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We've been maing fun of you for a while.
I’d say I was surprised you hadn’t noticed, but…
by Faux on
May 7, 2008 6:57 PM PDT
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What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
by planB on
May 7, 2008 7:22 PM PDT
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Keys to the game:
Felix Hernandez may be The King, but Justin Upton is a GOD.
"I eagerly await the day when I can shit in the living room"
~Robert
by Goose on
May 7, 2008 6:57 PM PDT
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You realize you could throw in three random phrases
and no one would know the difference.
by JI on
May 7, 2008 6:58 PM PDT
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Meanwhile, somewhere on the Rangers broadcast
- Repeat performance
- Clean up defense
- They’re the Mariners!
by ThundaPC on
May 7, 2008 6:59 PM PDT
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come on Erik
make me not regret staying up even though im running on 3.5 hours sleep and have been up since 7am eastern.
yay for caffeine!
by deacvision7 on
May 7, 2008 7:02 PM PDT
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For the record:
Sarcoidosis:

Some people cut themselves. I root for the Mariners.
by ColbyInBoston on
May 7, 2008 7:16 PM PDT
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It seems like that would be fairly easy to rule out
by JeffS on
May 7, 2008 7:16 PM PDT
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I fully expect to be banned for that picture.
Some people cut themselves. I root for the Mariners.
by ColbyInBoston on
May 7, 2008 7:16 PM PDT
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I could post more gnarly stuff
NOMA, for instance.
You don’t want that. It’s nasty stuff.
By the way, anybody know of any dentist jobs in southeastern North Carolina?
Some people cut themselves. I root for the Mariners.
by ColbyInBoston on
May 7, 2008 7:17 PM PDT
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Sometimes a big widescreen monitor is a curse.
Felix Hernandez may be The King, but Justin Upton is a GOD.
"I eagerly await the day when I can shit in the living room"
~Robert
by Goose on
May 7, 2008 7:17 PM PDT
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this is all true.
but i get to sleep in tomorrow.
the project got done.
by deacvision7 on
May 7, 2008 7:04 PM PDT
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It's proportioned well to the rest of his body
It’s not like he’s Elaine Benes.
“A bird….right into a woman’s head… like he couldn’t avoid it…”
by marinator on
May 7, 2008 7:08 PM PDT
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I hate these Conservation Sensation commercials
almost as much as the Big Bob’s commercials.
by BrianL on
May 7, 2008 7:03 PM PDT
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Why do I get in discussion with people who think Ryan Ludwick is awesome
and platoon splits exist?
by JI on
May 7, 2008 7:04 PM PDT
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Atleast its better than
Sexson
Vidro
Wilkerson
by Fin on
May 7, 2008 7:08 PM PDT
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that was just so miserable
i need to forget about those games. and quickly.










