Tomorrow's the Champions League final. Chelsea are playing Manchester United. In an ideal world, both of these teams would be swallowed by an angry volcano, or found to be front organizations for Peruvian slave traders or something like that. But, this is not an ideal world, and I need to find some way to overcome my severe hatred for both of these teams and choose one. Why? Because I'm going to watch the game with some friends, and I feel the need to be on one side or the other. And the people I'm watching with are split down the middle, loyalty-wise, so that's no help.
So, who should it be?
Should I root for Chelsea, what with them basically being the home team, even though Ashley Cuntington Cole plays for them and they represent everything horrifying about the modern European game (rich oligarch buying a toy and funding its way to success, damn the long-term consequences)? Or should I root for Manchester United, which is like an unholy hybrid of the Yankees' money and the Red Sox' non-Boston fan base, and be happy to see the rictus grin of Cristiano Ronaldo when he inevitably scores twice?
This is my dilemma. The only reason I can think of to root for anyone in this suppurating pustule of a game is that if Chelsea win they deny Man United the chance to say they've won more European Cups than Nottingham Forest. And that is a powerful draw for my rooting interest, but I fear it may not be enough. Anybody else got any reasons why I should pick one side over the other?
UPDATE 5/21: I guess It has to be Chelsea. I just can't bring myself to root for Man Utd, even on a temporary basis. That'd be like rooting for the IRS. Plus, Chelsea are Suggs' favorite team. So Chelsea it is.